Someone please tell me what I'm meant to do here

[fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits]

I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible otherwise I'll be writing all day.

Background: been together a year, live together, 3 children between us, 2 are mine and one is his who comes each weekend. He's generally good to me. BUT..

Twice I have ended it with him due to his obsession with constantly touching me! So I can be doing something as mundane as stirring dinner and he will come and grab my bits, last weekend after a couple of weekend drinks he got heavy handed (as is normal) but in a joking way but he slapped my leg so hard that I retaliated badly, it makes me feel awful. He also ripped my jeans and top off me that same night, this is a regular occurance, he's destroyed many of my clothes/underwear.

I'd finally had enough a few weeks ago and ended things, he was beyond distraught, promised to stop it all, I know that breaking up with him would result in a spiral of issues for him so I very reluctantly agreed to give one last (second!) chance!

Tonight he has made a sly comment about me never wanting to have sex with him, has also jokingly gone to throw something at me, to the point I've flinched. I'm not a wallflower, I give him what for but it never stops. Now tonight he's saying I never allow him to make decisions with me which is just so untrue and now he has and issue with my 3yo coming into the bed in the night. I get the last one, but don't see the need for an argument over it.

I warned him last time anymore hurting me or pushing me too far would end the relationship, he's been 'good' the past 2/3 weeks but it's starting to escalate.

I'm so unhappy. I feel pressured into having sex or doing sexual things with him. I don't fancy him, he creeps me out.

Tonight he put a lighter to my trousers near my bits, I went mad, felt the heat for ages after and could smell the burning. Again, went mad, he proceeded to then do it to my bum from behind! Again, the heat and burnt smell was there.

I fully KNOW this isn't normal. And I can't carry on! He will break if and when I end this. I just don't know what to do 😞

Sorry if there's lots of typos, I'm typing quick with him the other end of the sofa. Currenty not speaking.

OP, I'm sorry if i sounded harsh but people are very worried about you.
The things you describe that he has done to you, the forcible grabbing, hard slapping, the split nipple (!), poking and burning you in your most sensitive areas are horrifying - and dangerous.
He sounds like a sexual sadist, he enjoys inflicting pain on you and it seems to be escalating.
Can you not see why posters are so concerned for you?
I think this is definitely a police matter but your safety is paramount. Please get help in getting him out.

Your little baby is only 3. Get this abusive bastard out of your house. Wonder if he abused the mother of his child too? Can you text Women's Aid? They will tell you what to do now and what not to do.

OP you HAVE to end this and end it today. You're worried about what it'll do to him? He sure as hell isn't worried what he is doing to you, and your acceptance of his atrocious behaviour is a terrible example to your children. You're stronger than you believe and his welfare stopped being your problem the very first time he scared you. End it before he scares your children too - how would you explain to them that you let him stay in their lives because you were worried for him?

Op,he could have set you on fire!!!
Get him out now.

This is horrific. OP, I can't add to the excellent advice you've already had here. Please, please get this abusive monster away from your child. He doesn't deserve one single atom of your consideration. Good luck

Why did you ever let him move in with you ....

Are you ok OP?

He's not going to leave while you're at your sisters. You need to call the police. He's a very abusive man. You need the police to know what he's been doing as well.

What does "I worship the ground my daughters walk on" even mean?

I don't. But by god will I make sure I am safe, they are safe and they have everything they need to live a good life. Stop with the emortional shit and start actually prioritising you and your daughters instead of this psychopathic shit.

Call the police

Stop wandering around saying Oh What Will I Do What Will I Do. Just grow up and think of your children and call the police.

Why did you ever let him move in with you

Why post this?

pallisers is absolutely right OP. Don't tell us you love them - SHOW your daughters how much you love them and that they can trust you by making you and them safe tomorrow.

They will be picking up far more than you realize - or possibly want to admit to yourself. Children are never oblivious to this kind of thing.

Police definitely, and they make HIM leave. You dont need to leave your house at all.

After reading the full thread in losing sympathy I'm afraid,every single poster has said phone police now and get him out but just excuses back,why bother posting at all.

His happiness and mental health are not your responsibility. Your safety, the safety of your children and your own mental health are your responsibility.

You need to leave him from what you have said here. The longer you accept it the more you are letting him think it's ok.

I think you likely need to involve the police when you do it too as I suspect it may be a rough break up.

He makes you feel sick to your stomach so why are you worried about his emotional state. He is putting it on so you will cave and let him stay. He is literally pushing your boundaries to see how much of his behavior you will take.
I’m sure you will see a pattern off the abuse escalating after each break up/ tantrum. He sounds very manipulative and passive aggressive and even moved himself into your home. He is literally taking over your life bit by bit. Stop worrying about others and worry only about yourself and your family. He has no right to be in your life.
You can see all the red flags and he makes your skin crawl, do you seriously want to spend years more with this creep? You owe him nothing.
I know a situation where my friend got police involved in removing a leech from her house and it worked out well, they are there to help and your situation is serious.
Please get your boundaries in place and work on this area. Don’t be pushed around by people.

Could people please stop judging her. Until you’ve been at the sharp end of domestic abuse you don’t know how you’ll react. I’ve been out for years, but I’m still scared of men, terrified of a relationship. When I’m stressed I can’t think straight, it can be paralyzing to a person’s ability to make decisions. Frogs in boiling water.

OP, even just not wanting to touch someone is enough reason not to be in a relationship with them. The rest is just awful, and I too hope you call Women’s Aid and the police.

You being in this situation is not your fault, in any way, shape or form, and his future is not your responsibility. He’s chosen to behave like this, if he has a breakdown that is down to his past/innate personality flaws. You can’t fix him, and it’s not your job.

Once you’ve done the hard thing of kicking him out, it all improves from there.

Do not tell him to leave without any adult support there with you!!! Call the police first & have them come round to remove him & get your locks changed ASAP! This man sounds like a deranged psychopath & you owe it to yourself & your children to get him away from all of you now. Please be careful Op, & let us know when you are safe.

OP you need to get this man out of the house. Tell him you're going on a walk tomorrow with your children. Leave the house and contact the police. Dial 101. Explain exactly what you've said here and ask for them to come to help remove him from the house. Explain that you're worried about your young children witnessing this. Walk up and meet the police, give them the keys and let them enter the house to escort him from the premises. Ask about an injunction to have him removed and stay away. The police can issue a Domestic Violence Protection Notice which can keep him away for 48 hours. Enough to get the place made safe and decide what you want to do next.

Contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline:0808 2000 247 It's a 24 hour number. You can call now if you're reading this for advice and support. Don't let him know you're making plans.

If you're not in England, check out this for other numbers in the UK.

Every word of what BackseatCookers Tue 31-Mar-20 01:27:01 said.
Leave for your mum's or your sister's house in the morning.
Bring your child and your dog and any special toy your child loves.
Bring your lease document or mortgage document or LA rental agreement (you may need to show whose house it is).

DO NOT TEXT HIM TO WARN HIM ABOUT WHAT'S COMING.
Just call the police.

Tell them everything that has happened, especially the lighter. Have the trousers you were wearing to show the police, if there is any evidence of burning.

Tell the police you want to have him removed and if they ask do you want to press charges say YES. And DO IT.
Tell them that you are absolutely serious, that you are terrified of him and WILL NEVER ALLOW HIM BACK. Tell them you have support from your mum and sister to keep him out of your life and your children's lives.

Follow through with a non-molestation order (tell the police you need help getting this; they can help).
Get an occupation order for you and your children for your home if the police think this is needed too.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/getting-an-injunction/

Call Women's Aid: 0808 2000 247.
Leave your number and a good time to call you back.

You need to take a deep breath and ACT ASAP to make your home safe for you and by extension for your children.

You don't owe this man anything. He can take care of his own emotional equilibrium.

Wishing you health and safety, @fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits.

You can do this.

Could people please stop judging her. Until you’ve been at the sharp end of domestic abuse you don’t know how you’ll react

THIS ^^

It is a terrifying situation to be in.

I actually feel sick after reading through this. OP if you have a car then please just get up, take your child and leave. Go to the police station and ask them to remove him. He sounds deranged and dangerous. This is not normal behaviour. I'm scared for you!

Police. As soon as possible.
Do not leave your house.
He has to leave.
Please protect yourself and your children.

Make him leave. You arent safe.
Worry about you and your kids. His issues are not your priority your safety is.
Domestic abuse is one reason breaking lockdown is absolutely allowed.

He will probably kill you eventually, if you stay with him.

OP, if this is real why aren’t you answering the question as to why you feel you’ll have to leave your own house? That makes no sense.

Put your children first. Call police. Wait until they arrive. Tell him to leave while they’re there. Take his keys. Your children are safe.

Either go to bathroom and quietly call police or get your child and drive to police station under a pretext. You're not safe. Act quickly - good luck. Please get the police now