Someone please tell me what I'm meant to do here

[fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits]

I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible otherwise I'll be writing all day.

Background: been together a year, live together, 3 children between us, 2 are mine and one is his who comes each weekend. He's generally good to me. BUT..

Twice I have ended it with him due to his obsession with constantly touching me! So I can be doing something as mundane as stirring dinner and he will come and grab my bits, last weekend after a couple of weekend drinks he got heavy handed (as is normal) but in a joking way but he slapped my leg so hard that I retaliated badly, it makes me feel awful. He also ripped my jeans and top off me that same night, this is a regular occurance, he's destroyed many of my clothes/underwear.

I'd finally had enough a few weeks ago and ended things, he was beyond distraught, promised to stop it all, I know that breaking up with him would result in a spiral of issues for him so I very reluctantly agreed to give one last (second!) chance!

Tonight he has made a sly comment about me never wanting to have sex with him, has also jokingly gone to throw something at me, to the point I've flinched. I'm not a wallflower, I give him what for but it never stops. Now tonight he's saying I never allow him to make decisions with me which is just so untrue and now he has and issue with my 3yo coming into the bed in the night. I get the last one, but don't see the need for an argument over it.

I warned him last time anymore hurting me or pushing me too far would end the relationship, he's been 'good' the past 2/3 weeks but it's starting to escalate.

I'm so unhappy. I feel pressured into having sex or doing sexual things with him. I don't fancy him, he creeps me out.

Tonight he put a lighter to my trousers near my bits, I went mad, felt the heat for ages after and could smell the burning. Again, went mad, he proceeded to then do it to my bum from behind! Again, the heat and burnt smell was there.

I fully KNOW this isn't normal. And I can't carry on! He will break if and when I end this. I just don't know what to do 😞

Sorry if there's lots of typos, I'm typing quick with him the other end of the sofa. Currenty not speaking.

Yes I was pregnant with twins at the end of last year, I am no longer pregnant.

Ann.. was having a few drinks as I'm am no longer pregnant!

This is the relationship forum not AIBU please try to be kind.

The OP needs support to find strength to get herself and her kids safe. Not judgment for her life circumstances to this point.

There is serious risk to you OP and your DC. Posters intentions are well meant. They are trying to make you realise the urgency.

Ann.. was having a few drinks as I'm am no longer pregnant!

Fair enough. Sorry.

I can't say more than that, given that I don't know the circumstances of you no longer being PG - I don't want to say anything that may be inappropriate or insensitive.

Old saying: The way out is through the door.

Stop making excuses and leave. If he falls apart, let him fall apart. So fuckin what. He's a creep of the worst order.

Op u need to get him out your life so many people have taken the time to try & help u.
This guy is going to end up really hurting you or worse u are going to end up dead, time to think of your CHILD , it doesnt matter if u love him your feelings dont count when your putting your child at risk,.u think your child doesnt hear anything your fooling yourself.
if u dont get rid of him then i think u should put your child with a family member until u have a safe family home.

Oh come on. He is a violent sadist, your daughters are learning that women should tolerate violent sadistic attacks.

He doesn't rely on you. He gets much satisfaction from hurting you (is it helpful to point out that perhaps he is transferring hate that he feels towards his mother, to you, and that is why it is so satisfying for him to hurt you?) He relies on the satisfaction he gets from hurting you, sure; and has spun you any old yarn that is effective at keeping you tolerating his abuse.

It is sad about his daughter. You are probably a good influence on her. However, it's remove your good influence; or sacrifice your own and your two daughters wellbeing.

Your eldest daughter going to her fathers - would she have done that if there wasn't a sadistic predator living in her home, do you think?

And he is exactly the type to frighten and abuse your daughters deliberately btw. He is testing your boundaries, and you are putting up the bare minimum of resistance. He considers access to your daughters a safe bet. He is sexually excited by fear. Does he like making your daughters 'jump'? Give them little scares or teases them or confuses them, so they don't know if it's a game or not? Just playing is it? Probably making his cock hard.

Invite another adult round, ask him to leave, call police if he won't, call a locksmith or put a bolt on.

And if you haven't checked Katie's Law and Claire’s Law and whichever the child sexual abuse ones are, I'd be doing that tout suite.

OP what's it going to take for you to get rid of him. What happened when you tried to dump him the other day?

Did you tell him to leave and he refused ? You could try the police if he’s doing that esp in light of the disturbing series of assaults

He sounds like a sadist - they get their sexual kicks out of your pain and fear and having power over you, and that isnt something that will just "go away". The fact that he's provoking arguments doesn't surprise me, it means he has license to go even further because you've "earned it/made him mad" - it's all about ramping up the emotional energy and anxiety as much as possible because that's what he's feeding off.

If you breaking up will break him then he'll have to break, you can't continue being a torture doll just because it'll be hard for HIM if you stop. These people are often emotionally unstable under it all but that doesn't make it acceptable.

His behaviour is awful and by saying if you dump him his issues will spiral, well I'm sorry they seem to be spiralling anyway, get out now before this can get any worse

This seems like a wind up to me. I sincerely hope it is. If it isn’t OP then you need to grow the fuck up and stop being so bloody stupid. You have two children ffs, what in the blue fuck are you doing having this dangerous sexually violent man around them?

I’m assuming your pregnancy ended without you bringing home twin babies. I’m sorry if that is the case.

I’m going to make some assumptions here:

1, you have had bad relationships in the past and/or a traumatic childhood, so your view of relationships is skewed.

2, that you are drinking too much.

3, the reason you are drinking too much is probably because the sexually violent man you live with drinks too much and is in turn dragging you into drinking too much.

If you don’t get rid of this man quick, one, some, or all of the following things will happen:

1, he will start raping you, if he hasn’t already that is.

2, he will seriously hurt you.

3, he will hurt your children. He is violent, he is sexually violent, what makes you think he will only behave like that towards you?

4, he’ll burn your house down, probably with you and your kids inside.

5, social services will land on your doorstep and conduct an assessment, after which you will be told in no uncertain terms that you either get rid of this dangerous sexually violent man or they will take your children into care.

6, he will kill you.

That is the fire you’re playing with here.

What @Whatisthisfuckery said

Hi OP, how are you? Have you got rid of the waste of space?

@fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits
Please please throw this abusive creep out.
He won’t “ go under”, he will just take up with another vulnerable woman.

You need to leave him for your own safety, and that if your DC.

Sounds as if he loves violent rape porn and wants to do that to you.
The burning your crotch thing is really scary; he's both escalating the violence and becoming more disinhibited.If your children are girls I'd be terrified for them.

Go before it gets worse.

I take it this was a wind up? Hopefully anyway - no decent mother would keep her DC living with a fucking freak like that.

I hope your ok op and have managed to end this relationship safely.