Someone please tell me what I'm meant to do here

[fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits]

I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible otherwise I'll be writing all day.

Background: been together a year, live together, 3 children between us, 2 are mine and one is his who comes each weekend. He's generally good to me. BUT..

Twice I have ended it with him due to his obsession with constantly touching me! So I can be doing something as mundane as stirring dinner and he will come and grab my bits, last weekend after a couple of weekend drinks he got heavy handed (as is normal) but in a joking way but he slapped my leg so hard that I retaliated badly, it makes me feel awful. He also ripped my jeans and top off me that same night, this is a regular occurance, he's destroyed many of my clothes/underwear.

I'd finally had enough a few weeks ago and ended things, he was beyond distraught, promised to stop it all, I know that breaking up with him would result in a spiral of issues for him so I very reluctantly agreed to give one last (second!) chance!

Tonight he has made a sly comment about me never wanting to have sex with him, has also jokingly gone to throw something at me, to the point I've flinched. I'm not a wallflower, I give him what for but it never stops. Now tonight he's saying I never allow him to make decisions with me which is just so untrue and now he has and issue with my 3yo coming into the bed in the night. I get the last one, but don't see the need for an argument over it.

I warned him last time anymore hurting me or pushing me too far would end the relationship, he's been 'good' the past 2/3 weeks but it's starting to escalate.

I'm so unhappy. I feel pressured into having sex or doing sexual things with him. I don't fancy him, he creeps me out.

Tonight he put a lighter to my trousers near my bits, I went mad, felt the heat for ages after and could smell the burning. Again, went mad, he proceeded to then do it to my bum from behind! Again, the heat and burnt smell was there.

I fully KNOW this isn't normal. And I can't carry on! He will break if and when I end this. I just don't know what to do 😞

Sorry if there's lots of typos, I'm typing quick with him the other end of the sofa. Currenty not speaking.

You are not listening to what anyone is telling you, OP.
That's fine, take no notice if you want but just posting more details about how he molests you is just weird.
You have been given the clearest advice about getting rid of this awful, dangerous man but it sounds like you don't really want to.

What would you prefer your daughter to see -- him getting all 'over emotional', or him beating the crap out of you?

Why on EARTH would you leave YOUR house to let a violent nutter know you're breaking up with him, while he's still there?!

Bloody hell OP. You mention the dog... where are the kids in all this?

Get HIM out of YOUR house tomorrow with the help of the police. You don't need to go anywhere and ffs don't leave him there alone.

Please leave him, he sounds horrible. What he had done is unacceptable. Imagine if a stranger tried to burn you, you would call the police. This person is meant to love & care about you. He does not. Your children are potentially in danger. Leave ASAP. Good luck with everything.

I wonder if he has behaved like this in previous relationships? I hope you are the last to be treated like this by him but sadly I doubt it. You could save others by reporting this.

I am listening. I've said I know what I need to do. Me worrying about my daughter is a given, I mentioned the dog because I'm trying to work out what to do! Now is not the time to be tearing me down. I know what is happening is wrong, which is why I've come here for some support.

Oh no - you poor thing, what an awful situation to be in.

First and foremost, you need to keep yourself safe. It's your life, not a TV drama, so ignore everything that isn't helpful to you on here. You don't have to do anything you don't want to and if you want to handle it later, then do that. You know best.

You've both been drinking and it could escalate, so just close it down for the night if you can. Could you sleep in your daughter's room to get away from him?

He sounds potentially dangerous and when he works out that you're serious about leaving him, he could become even more so. Protect yourself and your daughter. I can tell she's the most important thing in your life and you'd do anything for her.

In the morning - phone or chat to Women's Aid and get their advice on how to get this wanker out of your life. After it's over - do the Freedom programme so you don't end up with another one of these losers.

Good luck, be brave

Why would you, your kids and the dog need to leave YOUR house?

Why are you insisting on complicating matters for yourself, and most infuriatingly, for tor kids?

Why do you only mention the 3 year old?

Your poor children.

@bananafish thankyou. And you're correct, I worship the ground my daughters walk on.

@louise5754 my other daughter is staying with her dad during the lockdown.

Never mind saving others, 999, if it's your name on the house he is a trespasser as soon as you say so. Tonight, tomorrow, doesn't matter. Do it. Please. I'm seriously worried for you, he's a grade A cunt. And knows exactly what he is doing. Please also be careful, best of luck.

Be safe Op, do not hesitate to call the police if needs be.

He's a psychopath. You need to get him out. Tell him in the morning he is to pack and go and tell him you will call the police if he doesn't. If you go to your sister's it's going to be even more difficult going back to the house as you will be wondering if he's gone.

Phone police now. Please get him out. Read back what you've written - if your daughter was the author, what would you do? You'd do anything in your power to make him leave, NOW.

Don't let her follow your path.

THEM not HER

He could have been gone by now, OP.

Terrifying to think this man is a parent.

I don’t understand the reason for you leaving him in your house and texting him to leave? He could wreck the place. He may not leave. Could your sister take your daughter and dog for a walk...I’m not sure re social isolation but could she stay with you until the police arrive and then take your daughter and dog out while the police take control and get your keys back from him. He sounds as though things could get volatile you need to feel safe. I wouldn’t try to get him to leave without the police there-things could get out of hand

It is not your fault if he breaks. If the only way he can not be broke. Is to torture his partner, the problem is entirely on his end! I think you’re right to wait until morning and be strategic, but if you go to your sister’s, call the police from there and ask them about having him removed from the property. Do not call him and tell him it’s over!! Tel the police everything you’ve told us. Scars on your body, sexual violence, burning you with a lighter. Do not give him even a whiff of your plans to get rid of him. By the time he knows what’s coming you will have physical backup in place, your home back, and your 3 yr old won’t see any more of this madness.

I'm so sorry you are in such a bad situation OP. Some of the PP are a bit harsh on you but they are all really scared for you, as am I.

It sounds like you do understand what you need to do. I echo others, get him out of your home. Either in the morning or tonight if it escalates in ANY way at all. You will be used to down playing his actions but tonight and tomorrow is the time to be hyper sensitive and call 999 the second you feel unsafe.

Do not warn him. He is dangerous and will react badly, as you say. Please be careful OP. We're all rooting for you

He's far beyond broken already. Call the police, the emergency ones. He held a lighter to you. Get him out, take legal action, change the locks and get a decent alarm system fitted.

He's far beyond broken already. Call the police, the emergency ones. He held a lighter to you. Get him out, take legal action, change the locks and get a decent alarm system fitted.

This.

Police first to arrange them to be on scene.

Then he is told to leave by them.

Then they will suggest next steps to keep you safe.

Locks changed, alarm system, CCTV and a marker on your house and numbers to ensure immediate support if you call for help in future.

I think you fear you're overreacting or people like the police will think you're making a fuss.

You are underreacting and the polices response will make that clear to you - they will take this seriously and help you.

Please, I'm sorry I've been harsh but I'm worried about you.

We can help you with next steps with moral support while the police do their bit.

Do not leave him alone in your house and do not tell him before the police are present.

You need to do this for your kids as well as you.

It can be hard but there's such a thing as having too much empathy for someone else. You are a strong independent mama to your lovely little ones and he has no right to be in your life just because he's making out life would be worse for him if he wasn't.
He's like the emotional equivalent of a cocklodger.
Get him out and get your life back! Every day you're with him is a day you can't find someone better who deserves you.

Christ op you must call the police. What do you mean when you say you don’t think he will get violent? He IS violent, every day. Tell the police you are terrified because I’m terrified for you. He holds flames near to burn your clothes, rips clothes off you, hurts you...

Also everything @TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom said was spot on.