Someone please tell me what I'm meant to do here

[fuckthisforabarrelofbiscuits]

I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible otherwise I'll be writing all day.

Background: been together a year, live together, 3 children between us, 2 are mine and one is his who comes each weekend. He's generally good to me. BUT..

Twice I have ended it with him due to his obsession with constantly touching me! So I can be doing something as mundane as stirring dinner and he will come and grab my bits, last weekend after a couple of weekend drinks he got heavy handed (as is normal) but in a joking way but he slapped my leg so hard that I retaliated badly, it makes me feel awful. He also ripped my jeans and top off me that same night, this is a regular occurance, he's destroyed many of my clothes/underwear.

I'd finally had enough a few weeks ago and ended things, he was beyond distraught, promised to stop it all, I know that breaking up with him would result in a spiral of issues for him so I very reluctantly agreed to give one last (second!) chance!

Tonight he has made a sly comment about me never wanting to have sex with him, has also jokingly gone to throw something at me, to the point I've flinched. I'm not a wallflower, I give him what for but it never stops. Now tonight he's saying I never allow him to make decisions with me which is just so untrue and now he has and issue with my 3yo coming into the bed in the night. I get the last one, but don't see the need for an argument over it.

I warned him last time anymore hurting me or pushing me too far would end the relationship, he's been 'good' the past 2/3 weeks but it's starting to escalate.

I'm so unhappy. I feel pressured into having sex or doing sexual things with him. I don't fancy him, he creeps me out.

Tonight he put a lighter to my trousers near my bits, I went mad, felt the heat for ages after and could smell the burning. Again, went mad, he proceeded to then do it to my bum from behind! Again, the heat and burnt smell was there.

I fully KNOW this isn't normal. And I can't carry on! He will break if and when I end this. I just don't know what to do 😞

Sorry if there's lots of typos, I'm typing quick with him the other end of the sofa. Currenty not speaking.

I re-read your posts. Call the police first thing and tell them what's happened. And if you're worried it's not bad 'enough' then don't worry about that anymore. It's enough. It's more than enough. He needs to go.

My children absolutely deserve better than this. I've told him this. To the poster who said he's literally assaulting me as I type this. You're right, and it makes me feel sick

This man is NASTY. Get rid pdq. It'll will only get worse.

You aren’t responsible for him or for sorting out whatever issues he may or may not have. You know what you need to do here: tell him it’s over, change the locks when he has gone / while he is out.

Well, you could call the police right this moment ...
Or ...
WAIT UNTIL HE KILLS YOU?

Which do you think your child would recover from more quickly?

I just want to end it but keep thinking of my 3 year old waking up to the madness that will ensue. I don't think he'll get violent but I can absolutely guarantee he won't go easy

There is every likliehood that this will escalate. If he doesn't get the reaction he wants when he hurts you he will escalate until he does. The lighter and general playing with fire is a huge huge red flag.
You must get him out.

Get him out sooner rather than later. Call the police to have him removed safely.
And just remember, youre not the reason if he goes under. This is all on him alone.
Think of your kids! How can you make them live in this environment?

Call the police. X

Get out now this is shocking the lighter bit stopped my heart.

Sorry I pressed post before I finished my story about my friend:

Anyway after my friend awoke from the coma and got home he had promised he would change and all that. Anyway he didn’t and one day ended up stabbing her 6 times and her neighbour to death who heard the commotion and tried to help. It was very sad. She survived but the neighbour didn’t

You cant fix him, make him leave

If he wont go ring the police

Your title very clearly asks what you're meant to do here.

You are a mother. You are meant to protect your children from physical and emotional harm.

Get on with that, as quickly and safely as possible.

Call the police. Discreetly.

Please, OP.

Call the police and twill then it’s your home and you want him gone

Tell them*

It will be awful for your 3 yr old to wake up to him in a state. But not as awful as if you let the situation continue and your 3 yr old wakes up one day to find mummy's "boyfriend" has burnt her bits and ripped her clothes.

Tell him he has to leave and if he doesn't you will call the police.

Seriously, you cannot consider putting up with this a second longer just to save him from having to fend for himself or go this mum's. I'd suggest it's extremely doubtful that he would "break" as you suggest - if he felt that was a problem he wouldn't be behaving in a way which he must know perfectly well will result in him being kicked out sooner or later.

He is committing criminal offences against you on a daily basis. Chuck him out first thing tomorrow.

I really can't do it right now. We've had a couple of drinks. Best I just play pretend and deal with it in the morning. Any suggestions on how to go about it? And how much are lock smiths?

Don't tell him to leave without someone else knowing what is happening. If they don't hear from you then they need to call the police.

Or better still call the police now.

This man is dangerous.

just want to end it but keep thinking of my 3 year old waking up to the madness that will ensue. I don't think he'll get violent but I can absolutely guarantee he won't go easy

Say you feel ill or are worried about one of the kids temperatures or something and need to sleep in with them in their room.

Get up ridiculously early and call the police to tell them you need their assistance because your boyfriend has been sexually assaulting you and threatening you with a lighter etc - and that you know he will react aggressively and threateningly to being asked to leave so you desperately need them to come and help you remove him.

THAT IS ALL TRUE.

Sorry to sound harsh but you need to get this done now, because your kids deserve better.

Don't tell him your kids deserve better. He doesn't give a shit.

Show them they deserve better.

Put your children first.

If he can do this to u what is he capable of doing to others In Ur house ???? Get police rung now i wouldn't take the chance they come first not him

I’m sorry OP but reading this has made me angry. For your poor kids.

If you can’t kick him out for them then you are being seriously irresponsible. Sorry to be harsh, but you are reticent to get rid for fear of upsetting your DD?

Get rid of him fir gods sake.

You think the police have never attended a domestic violence situation where alcohols involved?

Get them phoned, OP.

I feel so stupid. I know it's bad, my gut knows hes bad, he weirded me out when I met him. God knows why I carried on. He's trying to pick an argument now for fucks sake

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CANT DO IT NOW ??

FUCKING DO IT ! IF NOT FOR YOU THEN FOE YOUR CHILDREN !

THIS MAN IS A SADISTIC PREDATOR.