Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Myfabby

Happy to take a look if you'd like a man's perspective.

@Myfabby If they are not sure what you want all they have to do is ask, rather than dole out this passive aggressive admonishment of you. It seems to this is just a coded ‘decent intelligent’ way of at best asking if you are into them, or at worst trying to get you to escalate things.

I’ve done some rejigging of mine thanks to Echo! I find photos of myself really cringy 😂

Thanks @HairyArsedMan. I dismissed the first guy but I’m a little insecure because 3 different people have said this. So I figure I must somehow be giving that vibe ?

I’m very new to this - 16 year marriage and took 4 years out to heal and well just be free of all of the legal wranglings my ex put me through.

@myfabby sorry, I've missed quite a lot. What are they saying?

I have messaged an old iron who I was still messaging when I met Mr M, but I didn’t ever text him although he gave me his number. Timeline seems to suggest Mr M locked me down into exclusive around the time I was still on Tinder. The iron was a much nicer guy and our chats were better! Luckily he’s still around and still talking to me

@myfabby well unless your profile picture shows you from behind standing on a lake shore looking into the distance I'm not sure they can draw such conclusions. However I could well understand that you may just want to survey the dating landscape at this point after a long term relationship so if that's what you want to convey that's fine.

@HairyArsedMan Do you really think that is a subtext? I think it would be a way of saying "unless you open up a bit, I can't see us going anywhere"

"And when I say 'I don't see us going anywhere', I mean I will be keeping an eye out for a better prospect"

Sorry I think these types just like negging people. I’ve had one good looking bloke match with me time and time again but never speak to me and the last time he did, he messaged me something that was quite neggy
Sometimes men are intimidated by women in general. Also people (Male and female) can feel disillusioned by OLD and take it out on others
As long as there are some photos of you and not all of them are distant then I don’t see the problem

In giving him space I'm allowed to reply to his messages aren't I? Today is the earliest time he has texted me in a while just a he had an early night last night, hope your having a good day cutie but I didn't message him first. Replied with it's going okay, hope you are having a good day - figured it was a nice response and if he wants to know more of what I'm doing then he can ask without me just telling him what I'm doing

Yes no one is saying play a game and don’t reply, but don’t text him first giving him an update. Let him ask you sometimes!

Hi how everyone is well and coping with old atm, I just have a quick question hopefully someone on here should know the answer! If I've hidden my profile on pof do other people know if/ when I view them?

@TwoOpenOneClosed

Yes, I think so. I don't think hiding your profile will make a difference in that sense.

@Dancerinthemoonlight do you speak on the phone ? You can drive yourself mad with this And I was myself. We text a lot more during the first week or so but we weren’t speaking on the phone. Now we speak on the phone every few days and ask each other about how we are then. Our messages are more sending a funny vid or about a film we are watching etc rather than how are you etc. Even in a 30 min call you share a lot more information and thoughts than in messages. Now he always calls me but I Usually start message conversations but I don’t think that matters. Can you get into a routine of speaking on the phone it helps a lot. Also if he is messaging first he is defo interested x

There’s an option on Pof that people don’t know you’ve viewed them

@TwoOpenOneClosed you can change your settings so that no one can see if you view their profile
But if your profile is hidden then they will know someone has viewed them but they won't be able to see who.

@Jane1978xx we don't usually speak on the phone. Much more texters than callers. Heard from him twice already today so taking a step back in regards to what I say like not over sharing and letting him do more of the leg work seems to be going okay. I'm also not texting back straight away but that's because I have been doing other things, also hopefully gives the illusion of I'm not sitting here just waiting for you to text me

@MrDrummer I do see it that way. I agree with you too that it's about impatience. However she's engaged in conversation with them, they can simply ask. "Hey, it says on your profile you're looking for a relationship..." and go on from there.

It could also be one of those glib things people say when the conversation isn't what they were hoping for. I still think it's wrong for them to push it back on their conversation partner. I wonder @myfabby if your profile says something along the lines of 'new to this ...' ?

It seems lots of people are still using Tinder and randomly swiping right.
I set up a fake profile to help Menora.
Just a name, age and random photo.

In 3 hours I had 99+ likes and a couple of super likes. I've just done the 1km trick to see who's liked me. All sorts of different men. Some close by, some 50+ miles away. Some say they are looking for along term relationship. Some are married.

Many that I've seen on there for years who are obviously just serial swipers.
Makes you wonder who is genuine??

@Dancerinthemoonlight we never spoke on the phone in 4 months until now. Maybe brief I’ll be there in a min type calls but not conversations. It really might help if you call him.

I've just started a new thread because this one is getting near the use by date...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3883310-Dating-Thread-188-Living-and-Loving-in-the-Lockdown?watched=1

Bloody no one! Explains why I am like the Sahara desert right here 😂
I’ve got it set from 30-55
I had the same amount in a short time and with 1Km set I get about 10 more swiping on me a day now

Been chatting daily to someone I met before lockdown and he was keen to meet up after lockdown ended, after talking on the phone to him on Monday it transpires that he is in touch with his ex who I guess is back on the scene as he has cooled off significantly !! Bloody exes !!