Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I’m staying out of it all as well lol
I am a key worker and I know it’s easy to just pop here and there, my DC haven’t been out but I have been all over although within the rules of what you can and can’t do

Still battling Tinder matches for anyone interesting this evening. I’m not even asking for war and peace or a debate about politics, just something would be nice... I have 1 iron total from both apps and well over 100 matches. He has no kids. I’m older than him and can’t have more kids. But I don’t want to ask. I’m just going to chat
I’ve exchanged numbers twice now and when I don’t reply straight away they get bored and ignore me!

Is there any acceptable way of trying to get someone to respond quicker to messages that isn't in some way controlling?

Messaging with Mr Army isn't as light or as often as it used to be. But then a lot has changed in the last 3 weeks so I suppose I can't expect it to be the same. He has a lot going on at work and contacts me most days. On the stand point I'd say it's a good sign because I don't think you would contact someone pretty much everyday unless you were interested in seeing them again.
We haven't video called yet because he usually falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillows and we would both sooner communicate over text. Going to see if we can video call for my birthday as I can't spend the evening with him.
Still trying not to over think it.

He definitely isn't married or living with anyone. Been in his room on base and it's in the single persons quarters. I know that technically he could have someone off base but his room is very lived in and like a bachelor's pad of you know what I mean.

@MrDrummer when you figure it out, let me know! I think in your case, your iron still wants to continue and see you post lockdown ending so you might just have to accept her slowness to reply.

Very frustrating I know. Mr Hot and I bantered quite a bit today, sent a suggestive message about 3pm then nothing heard back. I'm just not understanding these mixed signals, him flirting, admiring my pictures but then silence! Is he bloody interested or NOT!!!

@MrDrummer
I wouldn’t try go down that road. I did try things in the past and regret them. All I did was make Myself look clingy and annoying. It was only to make myself feel better and I invaded their space in a way I wouldn’t like. I shouldn’t have done it to them and I can’t even take it back

In other news I heard from Mr Art today. Hadn’t heard from him for over a month but I guess he is getting bored too!
He got quite excited when he thought me and Mr Ad had broken up but it was crossed wires 😂

@MrDrummer it’s a hard one. Is she still working at the moment? If there’s no real reason for her not to respond quicker then knowing me I’d probably make some tongue in cheek joking-but-not-joking comment about it. I’m not suggesting that’s the best thing to do, as @Menora said but I don’t think I’d be able to stand it either.

I have none even come out of the woodworks! Should I be offended by this 😂

@MrDrummer I agree with @Menora. If people aren't responding as soon as you like there is nothing you can do without seeming controlling, and I always block people who send me passive aggressive messages asking where I am. Admittedly in the old days I was legitimately busy whereas if I don't reply quickly now it is because I have nothing I can be bothered to say, but either way, it is what it is, you can't do much about it unfortunately

How long is she not replying? Like an entire day or longer? Is it random or a pattern? Are the messages being read or not even opened?

These things are important, there is a line that I tend to draw. Seeing someone online constantly who doesn’t open your messages for hours is pretty rude and I would say something perhaps but be prepared it might not go down very well though because people don’t like to explain why they are being rude or can’t be bothered. I used to send funny photos or even sexy ones, suggestive messages or something a bit dramatic to get their attention - mostly as texting ‘how are you’ all the time is boring. I never phone a lot though. I did have a tendency to spam a bit with random crap though if I was drunk which I thought might be endearing. I’m learning some self control now!

Or I would text is there a problem, are you ok, have I upset you etc
All of this did not go well unfortunately

@MrDrummer She did say she wanted to go easy on the messaging and this behaviour is consistent with that. Have you been true to that and held off responding when she sends one to you ?

Sometimes these things are to test our resilience a little. I had mine very tested with Mr M and it was an absolute disaster. Because neither of us had much self control or resilience we would constantly offend each other with silence or too much messaging never really getting the balance right at all. Very occasionally we would be on the same page with an overload of messaging then it would go all wonky and the other person would go overboard trying to get things back on track. The guy I saw before him was an overloading texter he would send 10 in a row! I didn’t know what to do with them all

It’s ok she’s trying to find a natural flow women usually have experience of too much texting = too many expectations. We have experienced someone very full on and found it overwhelming so trying to set a natural pace isn’t about how much she likes you it is about what she needs

@Menora I used to do that so much. Ask have I annoyed you, are you sure, us everything okay etc.
So glad I grew up and stopped doing that. Mr Army can take a while to respond at the moment but then he is working and I'm not so it's not 'normal' circumstances. I try not to worry that he isn't going to respond because he always does even if it takes a while.
@MrDrummer she might just not have much to say at the moment. At least for me each day is pretty much just a repeat of the previous day

I wish I could say I have grown up I haven’t, Mr M and I were so bad for doing that to each other. He would take everything I replied or said on one way and me the same to him. So constantly asking each other at different times what’s wrong, what’s the problem, what’s up, are you ok etc. I mostly liked it when he asked me those things but he hated it when I asked him (but usually because something was wrong but he didn’t want to tell me). I have to not make these mistakes again and nor should @MrDrummer !

Thank-you for all the responses. Of course, I know the answers already :) :)

She absolutely says that any delay is not personal, although she has said that maybe she is being distant because her guard is still up. She is still working and has other "essential" commitments to attend to. Just simple questions that only require simple answers take hours.

I just think I had to let off steam a little but.

Ironically, she replied as soon as I originally posted on the thread, then exchanged a couple of messages in real-time!

The only thing I can say to you is to try to learn patience and self control like me! If someone doesn’t want to be with you they either will tell you, or they will expect you to guess. The guessing part is really horrible, and as you can’t read someone’s mind you need to set a limit for yourself - if I don’t hear from them within X days then I will delete and move on. And do it.
It’s when you sit around waiting that you get resentful and you shouldn’t do it to yourself. You should care about yourself enough than to expect the person you are dating to always do the right thing by you. Cos sometimes they won’t

Also stop asking so many questions
People can tell when you are fishing for a response 😂

My new mission is to be more mysterious without looking like an arsehole 😂

Problem I have is that I am WhatsApp all day long for work right now so me ignoring people would be a bit rude and weird so I will try to reply to them seen as I am online so much. If I was offline then I would try have some space

I'm back after a dating hiatus (that did not last so long) ... And what an unfortunate time to be back on the scene. 👋
I have an iron. A real one this time - no more hookups. I have decided I deserve the real this, whatever that may be.

@Menora so right about people expecting you to guess that they don't want to be with you!!! Horrible indeed but your waiting/deleting thing is the right approach. I'm going to do that with mine too.

@Menora

I think I have had the conversation twice now that she definitely wants to speak through lockdown and have at least another date or two afterwards "to see where we are at."

People can tell when you are fishing for a response

Yeah, I have stopped that for the most part. I think it put her under pressure to respond. She can talk for England on the phone, go figure!

I just have to get through lockdown, then we'll have some great dates and fall in love and have great sex and live happily ever after!

I think waiting and deleting is all you can do because you are controlling your own outcome and not letting the other person have all the control. Once you have handed that over then the balance is all off and it’s hard to get it back

Glad you stopped the questions as well, I’m going to try do the same!

Something I have learnt to do which is annoying but does help if you lack self control, such as I, is to delete chats mute them and archive them to take away temptations
Then you can’t keep checking them!

Just blowing off some steam.
Texted Mr Army a sort of flirty message about watching the third film in a series.of films and wondering how much of the film we would get thorough when this is all over. He responds with 'Its not going to be any time soon' FFS can't he just respond with a flirty message back along the line of probably not much as my attention will be elsewhere or not sure but I'm looking forward to it. I just messaged back saying I know as lockdown has been extended but it's something to look forward to.
I know he is focused on work and very much an if there is something doing then it should be done properly kind of a man. I suppose I just want to feel wanted and that he is actually wants to see me again rather than the practical side of things and rather than assuming he does because he is still texting me.
I'm not going to ask though because I'm not going to seem desperate. Beginning to resent the lockdown aswell. Have amazing sex on the Friday and then Monday we went into lockdown. This isn't even the longest I have gone without sex but I'm beginning to climb the walls. I don't have any toys either as I'm much more of a nothing beats skin on skin person