Husband just called me a bitch

[dustycaramel]

So the back story is that he is fed up with my drinking. I do drink, and too much. Am working on cutting down and have successfully cut out booze three nights a week, sometimes four. I've got to work harder.
I drank too much last nigh and we got into a small fight about how we are going to manage teaching etc, with me panicking about managing work. I knew he was cross with me today, and tried to raise it and he said he hated the way I get when I've been drinking. I tried to defend myself a bit and told him that I hate the way he shuts me out when he gets angry about it and stonewalls me (I think?) by claiming everything is okay when it clearly isn't. I have anxiety and find this really difficult. He then started shouting at me and called me a bitch and said fuck you. Left the room shouting fuck you, fuck off, fuck off. He's never done this before. I think I am to blame really at the heart of all this but I am so hurt and upset. Can't work out how we can come back from this. I'm leaving some details of what he said out because they are 'outing' so I can't give word for word, but if anyone has any ideas. Obviously it is a bit of a wake up call as to how much my drinking is upsetting him, so I am going to work harder at that. I take responsibility. But I am so hurt. It's the 2nd anniversary of losing my Mum in 11 days, I'm struggling, and I thought I had his support. I don't know if I'm entirely to blame. Really confused.

Oh I am doing well. Typos in my main points, ugh! I meant to say:

Personally, I meant that the BURYING issues thing IS the underlying issue.

The issue is the way you DEAL with issues.

Okay, fine. Maybe you are right. I just don’t see it that way but you all seem very sure so am prepared to believe you must all have a point.

The last thing I am going to say though is that I had issues in my life in between, obviously, including losses, break ups, etc, and didn’t, to my knowledge, ‘use’ anything then. But honestly, you all seem utterly convinced that it is a pattern, so I will bow to pressure and abandon my previous view of the world.

I appreciate the help, I really do. But I don’t see how this can be healthy. Am I allowed to leave now? Rest assured, I am doing what you all want me to do, I’m just arguing back at things that seem simplistic or a basic lack of understanding.

One thing, to nobody in particular, but the ‘she’ thing feels quite horrible, like I’m not here. I’m going to try and remember not to do that if I ever post on somebody’s thread.

I’m just arguing back at things that seem simplistic or a basic lack of understanding.

I have honestly tried to not write anything that is rude, hurtful or nasty.

You have been really dismissive and rude to people as above. "Basic lack of understanding" - it's an internet forum, people are just responding to what you've said.

Are you allowed to leave? Odd question. Nobody is pressuring you to stay, they're responding to things you've said on a discussion forum for goodness sake!

And you've created an environment where you're allowed to be defensive and reiterate things you think but anyone else doing so you seem to think is a nasty bully?

Good luck with everything, I hope you can find peace and be happy

That whole first paragraph reads like I don’t agree so bollocks to you all. But I’m going to pretend to be the bigger person here and agree with you. But I don’t want to.
It’s the OP who has been rude TBH.