Dislike sex

[willowsthetalesyouhavetoldme]

It’s quite hard to write about.

I haven’t had the most success with relationships, which is me being diplomatic.

I am now in a relationship. He’s nice enough.

I hate sex. I just find it a huge waste of time, attempts to arouse me leave me cold. Some things even make me feel angry which seems a really peculiar feeling to have when what you’re supposed to be feeling is passion!

Obviously this isn’t conducive for being in a relationship ... has anybody experienced this?

OP, I know this has been asked a few times, but you’ve not answered, what/who do you think of when you masturbate? I used to feel like this, thought I fancied men, but had no sexual feelings towards them, would get irritated and angry if they tried anything sexual with me, turned out I was gay and was repressing my sexuality. I did fantasise about women a lot, but had convinced myself it was “normal” for straight women to do that. I’m not staying you’re gay, but it would be very interesting to know what you fantasise about when you’re masturbating because you seem to have very little sexual interest in men at all from what you’ve posted.

This is a nuts thread.

OP your problem is that you said that your new bf is 'nice enough '. Find someone who moves you, the rest will follow.

For all of you asking the OP about her masterbation thoughts, seriously? What about trust, intimacy.? Are you all in a porno?

Ur ...

OP, I wonder if you ever fell in love with a man? Agree with others who said 'nice enough' is usually not good enough and won't inspire any passion.
Not that falling in love is easy to come by, happens very rarely to some of us, but I do wonder if that explains it.

morissey I agree that some posters haevn;t actually been very kind - not in what they say like Eckhart but the way they said - like directly linking OPs responses to them to her sex issues, really not nice or tactful, or true unless there is more evidence. OP did say she had good friendships - surely that already negates your 'logical' allehahtion!

*said it

*allegation argh!

If you don’t mind me asking, when did your parents die OP?

In the past, has anyone in RL labelled you ‘asexual’ before? How did you react?

You're quite rude OP and hard work. I've only read so far but people are simply asking questions to maybe get to the root of this and all you're doing is being rude and dismissive to them.

This is quite an old thread now.

OP, I just want you to know that I completely understand your problem, feelings and concerns. You've made it perfectly clear to me in your post.

As for a solution, no sorry, I'm really struggling. Age is not on your side as you have had a lot of practise doing it this way, so it's hard to change now, but certainly not impossible.

I would avoid 'normal', especially in terms of sex. Is multi-orgasmic normal? 3 times a day normal? At best there is compatible, normal is a useless term here as there are too many variations.

I appreciate that in it's current form your sexual desires are going to be hard to square with most potential partners.

I want to pursue what emotions (sexually) you do have. "It's a waste of time". But why? If masturbation isn't a waste of time, why is sex?

Taken to it's conclusion where would the anger take you? Do you want to hit the guy? Punish him? Inflict pain? What I'm asking is do you need to explore a more extreme or fetish lifestyle?

Often the key would be in your formative years, but we don't seem to have any luck there.

I have so many more questions, what gets you excited in general, what should a man bring to a relationship, who should initiate sex and how, what repulses you, what's a no go topic?

Sex in general, should it be in a bed with the lights off, or should it be in a sunny grass field. Fast and furious, quick and over, slow and loving?

I'm not looking for a correct answer, but I don't see who you are in this post so far.

The fact that sex is not the most important thing to you in a relationship is very encouraging. Just sex is a poor foundation for any relationship long term.

Perhaps you want control in the bedroom but are too repressed to demonstrate it. Consider psychosexual therapy...you need to feel less self conscious..you may be critiquing both how you feel and what is being done to you..it hardly gives room to relax and enjoy sex. You need to get out of your head..so recommend that you try CBT too...watch sexy films..think about what you want to try and learn to communicate your needs