Dislike sex

[willowsthetalesyouhavetoldme]

It’s quite hard to write about.

I haven’t had the most success with relationships, which is me being diplomatic.

I am now in a relationship. He’s nice enough.

I hate sex. I just find it a huge waste of time, attempts to arouse me leave me cold. Some things even make me feel angry which seems a really peculiar feeling to have when what you’re supposed to be feeling is passion!

Obviously this isn’t conducive for being in a relationship ... has anybody experienced this?

Willow, don't waste time arguing with people. Try engage with the questions, so people can work out what's going on.

That's good, @willowsthetalesyouhavetoldme
I wonder if there is a little tiny edge that you can find that is ever so slightly pushing your bravery but still feels like something that isn't impossible for you to say?

You'd be welcome to inbox me if a benign but supportive stranger on the internet would help.

I see it as a scale. From talking about how much I enjoyed eating that apple to how much I really want a man to give me an amazing back massage to how much I want him to bury his face or fingers in my pussy just so and make me orgasm!

I wonder if reading erotica might help you to normalise communicating about sex? Literotica is a good website for erotic stories.

This thread is bonkers

I have read some literotica, but not for years. It honestly is as if something in me has switched off entirely. I suppose a good analogy might be that I’ve never had a brilliant appetite but following an illness completely lost interest in food.

Agreed @teddy50

Unhelpful, flippant and glib are polite ways to refer to someone who is trying to help you, according to OP. I get what she's saying, but there's really no need to phrase it so harshly, nor to feel you're being accused of being the worst person in the world if someone points it out.

As you say, it's very telling regarding the subject of the original post.

Are you on anti-depressants or any other medication that might affect libido?

How old are you?

Just out of interest OP, if you do masturbate, what do you think of? Do you use your imagination?
Maybe when you next do have the urge to you can think about what put you in the mood that day? Perhaps if you can pin point it you can start digging a little.

My sex drive personally is high but it takes next to nothing for someone to go off sex with a particular person. Like if they're too rough or do cringey sex talk or have horrible saggy old boxers on or sweat a lot

I feel very much like madcatlady, I didn’t used to feel like that but became like that around the age of 43. I’m not sure why. I was sexually active from 16 and it’s almost like I felt, been there , done it, would rather cook a nice meal or read a book. I am married and in 50s but I know H finds it frustrating and I know if I leave it would probably be to be on my own.

” no one wants to be alone”

No need to go there.
Not everybody wants a relationship.

'something switched off' could you be perimenopausal? The move towards menopause can have a huge effect on how you feel about sex

OP you say that when your partner tries to initiate sex you are left cold, angry or raging.

In my experience anger or raging is quite an unusual response, does he push you too far or pressure you or do something to cause the anger, or are you angry at yourself because you think you should be enjoying it and you’re not?

Do you ever initiate the sexual encounters?

@Eckhart, you have been nothing but patient and kind. I hope you don't feel otherwise.

Menopause?
(Sorry if this has been mentioned)
I was the opposite though.....

So how might you be able to have a go at starting up your libido again? I think you mentioned having depression earlier, that would definitely affect it.

Mama gena's book and exercises in it helped me. As did seeing a medical herbalist who was very sex positive - she recommended to me the follow your pleasure and desires exercise I mentioned above.

@Eckhart ignore OP, what a horrible thing for someone to say. There are real people behind these posts OP, don’t be so incredibly nasty.

Wouldn’t be surprised if OP has some social disorder. They way you talk to people who try and help you is very telling.

Thanks to those who can appreciate I was trying to help. OP your post was deleted so quickly I didn't see it, so no harm done. Good luck.

i've been accused of being asexual.....even had a psychiatrist say to me "Do you even want a relationship?" when i went to see him to discuss how ASD traits were affecting me and my relationship-building with other people!

i totally understand the 'rage' you feel at times when being touched.
For me, i HATE being pawed at and the clumsy fumbling from men.
i'm in my 40's and i've yet to have satisfactory sex with a man let alone mind-blowing.
I don't tolerate the kind of crap that most women do unconsciously....the crap/non existent foreplay, the shit sex where you're the last to orgasm, or have to do it yourself cos he's crap at it, even if he tries he's just shit at it. You can show them/give them directions written in braille and lit up in neon lights and they STILL don't get it.

A lot of my anger comes from men who don't actually consider my needs or respect my body/feelings...yet they move onto sex like it's 'expected'.
One guy, we'd been seeing each other a while, didn't 'think' he needed to wash his dick before sex.....or indeed even wipe himself properly after using the toilet. I almost threw up when i got a whiff of stale piss when he took his jeans off.....that was it for me. That one moment completely ruined everything else for me and i finished with him.

There IS an aspect of trauma behind your feelings re sex.
Subconsciously you've probably been conditioned to feel shame about your own body, it's 'needs' and for 'wanting' sex/pleasure.
The 'freezing' in response to being touched up by a stranger, that's as normal a response as the next person smacking them in the mouth as reflex.

i know i'm not asexual. i can fancy someone and fantasise about having sex with them.....i just can't be arsed with the whole socialising aspect of meeting someone.
I want the exact kind of man i want to teleport into my living room

I sense anger behind your reactions/attitude when it comes to sex.
That anger came from somewhere and it's so deeply ingrained in your psyche that it's affecting your sex life.

There's nothing wrong with seeing a counsellor or psychotherapist to explore it.

It just seems to me that being completely asexual would be highly Unusual and something quite big to decide someone is on the basis of a few lines.

It is, only 1% of the population and it's only taken me 50 odd years to work it out for myself.
I couldn't possibly say whether it applies to you or not as I don't know you but it's just one avenue to explore.

I’m honestly astounded I am the one who has ha a post deleted after post after post telling me I’m an awful person which is why I don’t enjoy sex.

Thanks, MN.

I just agreed with you eckhart, that it probably is me. I did say I think you are being cruel, which you are, but that’s OK, apparently.

op I wonder if you might reflect on what's happened here. What's more likely, that the majority of posters are horrible and want to make you feel worse, or that there's something about how you construe what others say, and how you come across (inadvertently) to others in the way you speak

OP you said she was a cruel and nasty person. Personal insults get deleted.

I’ve been perfectly polite teddy, and you know I have.

Hi OP,

Please try and take the many positives from this thread, forget about the negativity.

Constructive question, do you currently fancy anyone for example a celebrity or someone you've seen around and about?
I'm just wondering because it might simply be that as you have got older you are more particular and not ready to settle for Mr Okay. Could it be that you haven't met anyone who you feel that attraction with in recent times? It doesn't mean to say you won't or you won't ever feel that way again.

My other thought is that it could be some kind of hormonal imbalance which has affected you sexually. I know you feel uncomfortable discussing these things but could you visit a GP? You don't have to mention this issue but you could say something like you don't feel yourself, could you have your hormone levels checked?