Fallen in love with a married man

[Sosounhappy]

It was meant to be just sex but after 10 months i love him

We all made mistakes in our lives, especially when we are lonely.
Forgetting the marriage even if he was single he doesn't deserve you. I'm glad you are going NC.

Well done OP.

Difficult times for keeping busy, but block him on your phone and all channels, delete his number etc to make it easier not to slip.

And get in with YOUR life.

I was in a sexless marriage. My best friend was in a sexless marriage, DP was previously in a sexless marriage, his best friend had been in a sexless marriage. It's far more common than people think.

I was always taught to stay away from married men.
I assumed it was because it was wrong (it is)

But the real / other reason is because you WILL get hurt - every singe time without fail.

There are loads of single men out there.

Pick yourself up, shake yourself off and get out there.

Maybe a spot Of CBT ti increase your self esteem.

Good luck.

OP I bet he waltzes off without a backward glance.

Then you will know you were used and he is a user.

I just don't know how you could have done this, when it was done to you?

Or were you in too deep by the time you found out.

There are some horrible people out there, liars

This is going to be really hard to get out of. I think it's too hard to do all at once, you need to start fading it out. You are convenient for him, I suppose he wants to carry on?
To break this cycle you have to really want to do it.
You have to start changing the routine.
I think, you need to distance yourself from him.
Message less, start mentally checking out. Get yourself on some dating sites and go on some dates.
Don't forget that you are single. You have developed feelings for him because of your shared complicity.
He is not the one. In fact he's not even available.
You can leave this behind you but it's not going to be easy.
Start making some changes.

Sorry just seen you've gone non contact well done!! Good luck.

@Sosounhappy as soon as I spotted the title of your thread I knew it would be like a lamb to the slaughter.

I almost got caught out like you a few years ago, luckily I found out he had a DP before anything physical happened, it was still a very confusing time though.

I would not tell his wife.

I found Esther Perel's insights quite helpful as I really needed to understand what makes men cheat. She has a website at www.estherperel.com/. I found her books, ‘The State of Affairs’ and ‘Mating in Captivity’ very interesting and they helped me understand what was going on with him a bit.

I also blocked and deleted everything, and for a while wore an elastic band on my wrist and snapped it against my skin whenever I wasted any thoughts on him - painful but effective!

You were just out of an abusive relationship and vulnerable when this happened, you probably needed ‘love’, but this isn’t it. Go easy on yourself and learn from this so that you can run in the other direction if another player heads your way. Good luck.

My husband has been playing around behind my back. He's told her no end of lies about me. So much hurt to me and our children!

Go find a single man to have fun with!

@Zovir "I'm a decent human being but I think that breaking up a functioning family home is worse than sleeping with someone else while still married."

It is staggering that EVEN TODAY, 2020, people think cheating is about the marriage and not about the CHARACTER DEFECTS of the person choosing to cheat.

Does it never occur to you that men cheat on their wives who love and desire them?????

I asked my ex why did you do this? The brutal answer is not printable, but it had to do with 'new'.
As Chump Lady says, one thing a wife cannot be, is a smorgasbord of pussy ...

Sosounhappy, have you stuck to your guns, are you OK?

"He says his wife does not know and is happy in a sexless marriage"

The mantra of a married man

Get a life

Please stop screaming for a bit and RTFT properly 😂

Good luck going nc. This man will never make you happy, you cannot he happy until you get away from him.

Still no contact. Just a thought coronavirus could have a big impact on a lot of affairs

👍🏼 For no contact, OP.
Mental Health self isolation
Yes, I would imagine it will now be impossible for cheating partners to claim ‘working late’ or ‘meeting clients after work’ or ‘sales conference in Frankfurt, have to stay overnight’.

Or explain infection with CV if self isolating.

www.bbc.com/future/article/20190625-why-we-need-to-talk-about-cheating

This is an interesting read and I’m a firm believer that most people will cheat at some point in their lives. I’m not saying it’s right but I think society’s expectations need to change. Communication in people’s marriages need to be better. And if a wife/husband or partner no longer wants sex, I actually don’t think that’s fair in the other partner.

Well done for going NC x

I’m in a relationship with young children and I no longer want with my partner. I don’t think this is fair on him and - if he needed it - I would be open to him seeking sex elsewhere. The issue would come if wanted to be with the other person more than me. In which case, I’d want financial support and security for the children - and I would want us ALL to live together - OW too. I KNOW this sounds ridiculous but - if it was seen as an acceptable way to live - I would.

" And if a wife/husband or partner no longer wants sex, I actually don’t think that’s fair in the other partner."

Absolutely. It is not fair to deprive your spouse of sex.

However, a lot of cheating is done on spouses who love them. It is a myth that cheating is a response to 'no sex/not enough sex' ie, problems in the marriage.

Cheating is based on getting an advantage through deceit and is a cruel act. It is abuse.

@Zovir I did read the thread. You made the mistaken assumption that cheating is about sex and is about the marriage. You are wrong. Those are lazy assumptions that blame the person who is not being give the information with which to negotiate and who is being made responsible for a unilateral decision that is happening WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE OR CONSENT.

How fair is that?

WITH their knowledge is called an open marriage. Just so you know the difference.

Cheating is not about sex. Cheating is more about feeling good and projection. The very first psychiatrist who made a serious attempt to understand it concluded that it was about 'the ego state of the betrayer'. Maybe you should do a bit more research before you spout off.

Hmm, I would have thought sex would be at the core of it all. It’s the one fundamental human characteristic that influences the ego/feel good behaviour.

Sorry not the ‘the one’ but it’s what’s influencing the character traits.

"There is plenty of evidence that males have less to lose than females by having extramarital sex," Lancaster said. "Having less to lose, it's easier for them to do it."

Women, however, could lose "dad's" resources when it comes to raising their kids. "For women, the well-being of their children is not improved by promiscuity," Lancaster told LiveScience.

We are taught by society to be civilised and to follow certain rules, however you would not berate another animal species for behaving in this way. Perhaps our rules need to change if so many people are disobeying them.