Fallen in love with a married man

[Sosounhappy]

It was meant to be just sex but after 10 months i love him

screaming I guess that’s fair comment - mine was an open marriage in your terms, and so is my bf’s. Except that because he is a man and the marriage has not formally ended it can’t possibly be an open marriage, he must instead be a lying cheating arsehole while his wife is an ignorant saintly victim who adores him and is desperate to keep him for the rest of their natural lives? Check your gender bias before you spout off.

I smell a troll 😂

If not a troll, a total idiot - not worth anyone's time.

I reported it to MN early on, as it's still here the OP is not a troll.

Definitely not a troll thank you

@Sosounhappy you are not a troll or an idiot xx.

Amuses me how the people who watch Love Island and put ‘be kind’ over their Facebook statue are also probably the first to rip into people on mumsnet

You won't get any sympathy on here OP, Mumsnet is the hangout of the wives (take from that what you will)

You've fallen in love with the idea of the man, the version of him that he allows you to see. Truth is if you don't know him in his home setting then you don't really know him. They say you can't really know someone until you live together and it's true.

If he's ghosted you then you've probably had a lucky escape. Chances are his marriage is unhappy all round and they are both sticking it out for financial reasons.

You deserve more. Better. Go find someone who will make you his priority and the centre of his life

Homewrecker looking for sympathy. Hmm. Digestive or bourbon?

I firmly believe that if any home is wrecked here it’s down to the social rules implemented by our society - not the OP. The rules need to change if they don’t work for so many people.

To be fair I wont have a go at you , as I think the situation you find yourself in is punishment enough
I would say though that its time to make a break- you know this will never end happily for you.
He will either keep you hanging on or worse he will end it with his wife and you will be in her position- wondering what he is up too and with you.

If we are more open minded, communication was better and we didn’t try to live our life by outdated religious beliefs when it doesn’t suit us - homes would be happier places. There was a huge sexual revolution in the 60’s - yet many of us think we still need to adhere to the starry eyed marriage ideal.

Sosounhappy

Are you ok hun ? Your replies to others on here seem somewhat..... odd?

Like the rest have said, i ain’t quite sure what you want any of us to say part from... poor you poor him ?!

I am not ok but hopefully will be. What did I want I suppose some support and the strength to end it. I suppose the coronavirus situation will help me !

You’re not going to get much support on here if you knew he was married. I do think most men get very bored in relationships but, lack a spine to leave them

Hi So So Unhappy, as a married woman, who has fallen for another man (shock horror), I empathise. Before I'm lambasted, I didn't act on it, I ran, and am still avoiding him, doing self work and working on my relationship etc.
It seems clear your guy is not leaving his wife (and kids?) for you so you need to move on for yourself. Better for your own sense of self worth, and who knows, you might meet someone worthy of you in the future. Don't be afraid to get some professional help to do this.

From someone who used to be believe in the happily ever after...…...

It's troo love.

I never understand this 'oh but we just fell in love' argument.

No one instantly loves another person. You decided to carry on with a married man. At the very start you could have said no before you felt so strongly about it.

I've no sympathy for the 'but I love him' shit. You didn't at one point but you still went ahead anyway.

@Sosounhappy, this night also help you. You aren’t good enough for anything other than a quick shag to him. You mean nothing to him. You developed feelings. Tough shit.

@Zovir PLEASE point out the gender bias? For the life of me I can't find all the he's and hims that you accuse me of:

"You made the mistaken assumption that cheating is about sex and is about the marriage. You are wrong. Those are lazy assumptions that blame the person who is not being give the information with which to negotiate and who is being made responsible for a unilateral decision that is happening WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE OR CONSENT.

How fair is that?

WITH their knowledge is called an open marriage. Just so you know the difference.

Cheating is not about sex. Cheating is more about feeling good and projection. The very first psychiatrist who made a serious attempt to understand it concluded that it was about 'the ego state of the betrayer'. Maybe you should do a bit more research before you spout off."

Nope. Still can't find the gender bias, here

Well you’ll just have to keep trying screaming, after all (as you pointed out) you all book learned and all while I’m a bit thick apparently.

If you know it would hurt his wife then why on earth would u cont to do what u are both doing...SHAME ON YOU...

Being cheated on changes a person. It affects your view of the world, you question your judgement and your self worth and esteem is obliterated. You walk around with a pit in your stomach wondering if you could have done anything different, you analyse past conversations and ruthlessly torture yourself imagining all the things they’ve done. You feel a mug for believing the lies and feel like you’ve lost a competition you didn’t know you were in. I don’t have it in me to do that to another person, it’s an awful feeling.

I’ve always been of the mindset that the person in the relationship who cheats is in the wrong and the other party is not responsible for that if they genuinely didn’t know about the marriage. By knowing about his wife and still carrying it on, you’re complicit in harming her.

If you’re really in love with him you have two choices as I see it. Either make him come clean to his wife and have a real relationship or end it altogether. It’s not fair to keep her in the dark and string her along- she deserves happiness too and won’t find it while this is going on.

This situation will end up with all parties being hurt if it continues.

Only going to end in tears not worth it