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Original poster

I do not how to react to my British colleague courtship

208 replies

superstar5219 · 09/03/2020 22:50

Hi ladies (and gents)
Was brought to this site as I’ve been living in the UK for not so long and I have a British colleague at work interested in me.
Issue is this is the first time a British guy shows such a deep interest in me, good thing is I like him, he's posh, I guess a middle class man, middle 30's, lots of matches between both of us, BUT…..and I don’t know how to react to his courtship.
I know he is interested in me as plenty of websites say his hints/behaviours are the typical British man hints/behavior to let you know they are interested in a woman...He's constantly following me around, keeping eye contact, arranged with me private conversations in the kitchen of our workplace.
However, I come from a latin country, where men are too intrusive, quite direct and straightforward since the very beginning of the courtship process, this means they lead and women's opinion are barely taken in account during the courtship.
So, what should I do? I feel petrified as he's extremely handsome and I don't know what to do or what to say in front of him as he is obviously waiting for my reaction to his approach/courtship.
I sent him some skype messages telling him I wanted to speak to him to break the ice after so many eye contacts and him following me around, he agreed to have chats in the kitchen (as I previously said) then the next week I sent him an email asking for a time but he didn't reply, he just kept the eye contact with me.
Why didn't he reply? He keeps avoiding replays to my emails but sends me subtle invitations to speak to him in the kitchen.
Need to say he's extremely shy too, got red/blush last Friday when I went to his desk asking for help for job task as he has more experience and more years in the company.
What should I do? How should I react to his approach?

OP posts:
blueshoes · 10/03/2020 22:54

Did you say he is very good looking. If so, he is used to female attention. I think British women are more willing to take the lead than other cultures (just my observation, having come from a more traditional culture) which is great but sometimes the men get a little lazy if they have it easy.

I will no doubt get flamed for this.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:00

@LinoVentura

I think you are taking my words out of context or I didn't express myself clearly.
As soon as he noticed I realised he existed, he stopped following me around.
Two of my colleagues simply tried to meet me at the main door after finish work or in the kitchen for two or three weeks at that's all what have happened so far.
They are not doing this anymore, maybe because I remained neutral/professional to their behaviours.
Hope it's clear now.

OP posts:
skinnymarshmallow · 10/03/2020 23:01

@blueshoes I agree with you. British women do too often take the lead and end up either being strung along as an easy lay or in a relationship with someone who wants the woman to do all the work. If a man likes you and is not a complete wet lettuce you shouldn't have to do any more than be pleasant and open to conversation to get him to ask you on a date

Thisismytimetoshine · 10/03/2020 23:01

You haven’t answered- what is he scared of?

alwaysmoody · 10/03/2020 23:06

You say he is staring into your eyes with lust. Are you sure it's not fear?

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:07

@blueshoes
I thought of the same in some point.
He may be used to female attention...and so do I...to male attention.
So I won't fall for his good look.
I don't care about good looks, the beauty of a man doesn't speak anything about his personality traits, which in the end are the foundations of an awful or healthy relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:11

@skinnymarshmallow

Good point! That's why I won't follow him or take the lead! He needs to show leadership in the early stages for me to gauge his future leader role in a possible future relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:12

@alwaysmoody
I didn't say anything like that. You need to read my comment with more attention.

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 10/03/2020 23:16

OP I'm still curious what did you by 'he makes obvious his sensual attributes'? As recently you said you never noticed any obvious expression of lust in his eyes.
Also you say you haven't made him confident enough- so doyou plan to do more?
I agree with people advising you to simply suggest to him to haeva coffee at lunchbreak. It's not really a big initiative or running around a man! you can make this initial step as you say yourslf, he may be too shy/scared that maybe you aer not interested. So suggest coffe and after that, let him take the lead.

CatAndHisKit · 10/03/2020 23:16

*did you mean (first sentence)

runlift · 10/03/2020 23:27

@runlift
Sounds like the behaviours of teenagers, but both options would be quite refreshing, less stressful.

Haha I guess so but to me these are the two obvious ways to get together. What are the alternatives even?!

PurpleTrilby · 10/03/2020 23:29

I'm English and I think he is leaving it open to you to approach him. For me, this is the only way for a man to be respectfully open to a relationship. He lets me lead. Would you feel like asking him for a drink or meal? Best of luck, the English are a strange people.😄

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:32

@CatAndHisKit
Good to know you are paying attention to my comments.
Staring at another person with lust is different to trying to attract a female attention by showing her how beautiful/gorgeous you are.
I don't know how to explain with words what he has been doing to show me how beautiful/sexy he is, it's kind of modelling or something like that?
I.e Male models for clothing adopt certains sensual body positions to make themselves visually appealing.
So try to visualise a male hollywood star on an clothing or perfume advert, they adopt certain body postures that make them appealing.
He did this, subtly, but he definitely did it and keeps doing it every time he has a chance.

I may say it's funny to see him do this though! XD Because he doesn't need to do it at all, he's good looking enough.

OP posts:
PurpleTrilby · 10/03/2020 23:35

Ah, just saw leadership comment. No, englishmen don't work like that. In fact only normally in Harry Potter novels. Fuck that.

blueshoes · 10/03/2020 23:35

He drapes himself around like a lothario? Argh, he loves himself and expects you to as well. I am afraid what you described made me want to gag. It's sleazy.

blueshoes · 10/03/2020 23:36

Yes, I am afraid the leadership comment is cringy. Very bodice ripping.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:38

@PurpleTrilby
Oh I know you English people are strange but I appreciate you all because of how you are, otherwise I would have left this country ages ago! XD

OP posts:
Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:44

@blueshoes
I don't think so. I am an adult and I have clear in my mind the differences between men and women roles in a couple relationship.
His leadership doesn't mean to me I will be an slave or the other way round.
I believe in egalitarian relationship, no one is more powerful or dominant than the other.
Imbalances are not healthy, for any type of relationship.

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 10/03/2020 23:47

haha, OP -- so he is posing! That's normally what Italian men do, a lot Grin (in my experience). But I get it, he's doing it more subtly, more sort of James Bond posturing or something Grin

I think he is hoping for you to make a first step - it is kind of respectful as others said, firstly because you are new in the company and secondly many English men do that which can be frustrating, show attention but let you make the first step.
And I think it's fine once you get your head round that, that way they make sure they are not mistaken that you like them /not being inappropriate at work. But then as I say, it's imperative that he takes the lead after that, for him not to become lazy!

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:48

@blueshoes
Oh! Come on! Lothario! Do not take too literally, I mentioned the adverts as an example because I don't know how to explain it with the proper words in English.
The adverts are the opposite pole of what he does.

OP posts:
Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:53

@CatAndHisKit
Spot on! James Bond posturing! Exactly! haha
Agree with the rest of your comment, spot on again.

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 10/03/2020 23:55
Grin Good luck! let us know what happens, I'm invested now.
Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 23:57

@CatAndHisKit

Will let you know, no worries and thanks for your comments!

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 11/03/2020 00:04

And I hope it happens soon, sounds exciting for both of you!

LinoVentura · 11/03/2020 00:07

Hope it's clear now.

Yes that makes more sense. Thanks for clarifying.

I won't be follow him or taking the lead, if he's interested is his job to take this lead. If he does not, I will accept he is not that into me.

That's a very good attitude to have. I was worried about you but now I see that's unnecessary.