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Original poster

I do not how to react to my British colleague courtship

208 replies

superstar5219 · 09/03/2020 22:50

Hi ladies (and gents)
Was brought to this site as I’ve been living in the UK for not so long and I have a British colleague at work interested in me.
Issue is this is the first time a British guy shows such a deep interest in me, good thing is I like him, he's posh, I guess a middle class man, middle 30's, lots of matches between both of us, BUT…..and I don’t know how to react to his courtship.
I know he is interested in me as plenty of websites say his hints/behaviours are the typical British man hints/behavior to let you know they are interested in a woman...He's constantly following me around, keeping eye contact, arranged with me private conversations in the kitchen of our workplace.
However, I come from a latin country, where men are too intrusive, quite direct and straightforward since the very beginning of the courtship process, this means they lead and women's opinion are barely taken in account during the courtship.
So, what should I do? I feel petrified as he's extremely handsome and I don't know what to do or what to say in front of him as he is obviously waiting for my reaction to his approach/courtship.
I sent him some skype messages telling him I wanted to speak to him to break the ice after so many eye contacts and him following me around, he agreed to have chats in the kitchen (as I previously said) then the next week I sent him an email asking for a time but he didn't reply, he just kept the eye contact with me.
Why didn't he reply? He keeps avoiding replays to my emails but sends me subtle invitations to speak to him in the kitchen.
Need to say he's extremely shy too, got red/blush last Friday when I went to his desk asking for help for job task as he has more experience and more years in the company.
What should I do? How should I react to his approach?

OP posts:
angell84 · 10/03/2020 00:27

si le gustas, te pedirá una cita. no sé por qué estás pensando demasiado en esto

Thisismytimetoshine · 10/03/2020 00:28

So you have a whole bevy of male colleagues following you around the building staring at you, but you don’t mind this particular one because he’s good looking? Sounds very, very odd.
Stop making assignations in kitchens and get on with your job!

NeckPainChairSearch · 10/03/2020 00:31

Does My Possibly Married Colleague Fancy Me Part VIIIIIIII - This Time It's Latin

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:35

@LinoVentura
I haven't had time to be friendly to him, this has started just one month ago.
And I may disagree when you say "overestimating the differences between Latin American and British men", you are a brit male in LA, I am a Latin female that lived in LA for 28 years, so I know by experience, not by observations or saying, that brits and latins males are not only different, but DRAMATICALLY different.
You are in the opposite poles of the spectrum, brits males are nothing to do with latin males and the other way around is the same.
Could give you docens of examples but as it's too late, will leave it for another time.
Also I need to disagree with this statement: " if they're not playing games they have no reason not to be open about their intentions."

Latin men, by nature, play games and are not honest with their intentions.

OP posts:
angell84 · 10/03/2020 00:38

@LinoVentura I do agree with the OP, that latin men are very different to British men.

Latin men are very forward, macho and in your face.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:38

@Thisismytimetoshine
Bit harsh your comment but I am not amazed.
Interested in him, because he's the only one that's been doing this proactively and insistently.

OP posts:
LinoVentura · 10/03/2020 00:41

@LinoVentura I am looking at your message intensely lol

Sounds good, but why?

Aneley · 10/03/2020 00:41

Superstar - you sound very young so I'll try to put this gently... if quite a few British men are staring at you at work, I'd check myself in the mirror and wonder if I'm doing/wearing something inappropriate. That is NOT a typical British office behaviour. Also, British men, when interested - are very direct, work or no work - they find a way to ask you out. A handsome single man in his thirties? - chances are he's not shy but either not interested or is not available or is just too smart to get involved with someone in the office.

You also say you've been in London for 6m - do you honestly think that is enough to be so sure about 'British men behaviour'? Also, is that the kind of impression you want to leave in the office?

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:42

@NeckPainChairSearch
Say what?

OP posts:
Lipz · 10/03/2020 00:42

showing up/making explicit his sensual attributes)
Sound odd but he was happy I must say

This sounds a little weird Hmm

If he and now the whole office is following you around, staring intently at you, I think I'd be questioning this, unless of course you are a complete stunner that they can't take their eyes off you.

Stop emailing him at work, as others have said this is frowned upon and could land you in trouble.

Courtship was something that happened about 50 years ago where a man asked a woman out and they 'dated' 'got to know each other without any funny business, then after a while they would become serious. Now a days, it's flirting, chatting up, chancing their arm for a shag

If you want to find out if he likes you and to stop this weird staring and showing sensual attributes just ask him to go for coffee or a drink. You'll know quick enough if he likes you or not, if he likes you he'll agree to go.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:45

@Aneley
Take a full look at my replay to @biwinoone
It's my personality not the way I dress which is quite decent.

OP posts:
angell84 · 10/03/2020 00:46

@LinoVentura it was a joke , because the O.P said that someone was looking at her intensely, and sensually.

:

Pandamoore · 10/03/2020 00:47

Lol you can tell op isn't a British girl as she says she is like 'im kind and bubbly and people like me because I'm magnetic' ect...

Us brit women would just be like 'well sometimes I think I'm funny...sometimes. But I might be wrong. Dont hate me'.

So tbf i'm sure the men differ in some ways too lol

LinoVentura · 10/03/2020 00:50

By the way, there are other male colleagues doing something similar to what he's doing, following me around and staring at me, not as deep and intentional like him and I don't find them creepy, just the normal reaction to what I normally cause since I was a teenager: attraction, this doesn't happen only in my workplace, it happens everywhere I go. And I don't find it creepy, but normal.
I am very kind with everyone since the very beginning, very affectionate, welcoming, bubbly, always smiling, I don't do it on purpose, that's how I am, I think it's because I grew up in very warm-friendly-affectionate home, so probably I have what psychologist call a "healthy personality"

That's great but be aware that a lot of British people have an ignorant view of Latins i.e. the men are drug dealers and the women are promiscuous. Other people's ignorance is not your fault and I'm not suggesting you change your warm nature but it's good to be aware that some men may misread it. (Also some words that are common in Latin America are a bit stronger when translated into English.) If you're as friendly to your female colleagues as you are to your male colleagues then it's not your fault if some men want to delude themselves that they have a chance of casual sex with you.

In other words don't stop being yourself but maybe tone it down a bit.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:50

@Lipz
Apparently, everything now is weird.
So people do not have the right to smile-laugh then?
That's what his doing, I may have used the wrong combination of words for what's his doing but he keeps trying to attract my attention.

OP posts:
Aneley · 10/03/2020 00:50

Superstar... they stare at your... personality??? Really? I'd again encourage you to consider if perhaps you're laughing too loud or doing something to attract attention which is not necessarily flattering - as I said, Brits will rarely (if ever) stare to admire and very often stare to admonish for what they consider inappropriate behaviour/appearance especially in the office.

LinoVentura · 10/03/2020 00:50

@LinoVentura it was a joke , because the O.P said that someone was looking at her intensely, and sensually.

Ha I'm a bit slow today.

angell84 · 10/03/2020 00:53

@LinoVentura I never thought that Latin women are promiscuous!

I have travelled alot, and many people men have said to me that they have heard that British women are "loose" and promiscuous.

I think it is us that have a reputation for this abroad

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:53

@LinoVentura
I appreciate your suggestion, but that's how I am and I won't change it, I don't mind others opinions, I know what I am and who I am.
I obviously make clear my intentions, but won't change my personality, that's a No-NO.

OP posts:
LinoVentura · 10/03/2020 00:54

@LinoVentura I do agree with the OP, that latin men are very different to British men.

Latin men are very forward, macho and in your face.

True to a certain extent. On the other hand Brits still manage to have sex and relationships, often with people at work. I'm sure they don't all wait until they're blind drunk on a works night out to start the process.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:56

@Aneley
Will stop my replays to you as you are obviously misunderstanding what's going on to the point you are becoming a bit offensive.
Have a good night.

OP posts:
LinoVentura · 10/03/2020 00:58

@LinoVentura I never thought that Latin women are promiscuous!

Of course. I was referring to the OP's colleagues who are following her around at work. Not that I know them but it is a possibility.

I have travelled alot, and many people men have said to me that they have heard that British women are "loose" and promiscuous.

A woman having sex with someone they've just met on a night out is quite normal in the UK but pretty taboo in most parts of the world (including in Latin America).

Aneley · 10/03/2020 00:58

Nope, I'm just pointing out that you may be misinterpreting behaviour of people in the office which can harm you professionally way more seriously than a failed fling would harm you emotionally. Especially since you don't have much experience in that particular cultural setting.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:58

@angell84
Agree with you, have heard other people say the same.

OP posts:
LinoVentura · 10/03/2020 00:59

I obviously make clear my intentions, but won't change my personality, that's a No-NO.

Good for you. As I said: don't stop being yourself.