I do not how to react to my British colleague courtship

[superstar5219]

Hi ladies (and gents)
Was brought to this site as I’ve been living in the UK for not so long and I have a British colleague at work interested in me.
Issue is this is the first time a British guy shows such a deep interest in me, good thing is I like him, he's posh, I guess a middle class man, middle 30's, lots of matches between both of us, BUT…..and I don’t know how to react to his courtship.
I know he is interested in me as plenty of websites say his hints/behaviours are the typical British man hints/behavior to let you know they are interested in a woman...He's constantly following me around, keeping eye contact, arranged with me private conversations in the kitchen of our workplace.
However, I come from a latin country, where men are too intrusive, quite direct and straightforward since the very beginning of the courtship process, this means they lead and women's opinion are barely taken in account during the courtship.
So, what should I do? I feel petrified as he's extremely handsome and I don't know what to do or what to say in front of him as he is obviously waiting for my reaction to his approach/courtship.
I sent him some skype messages telling him I wanted to speak to him to break the ice after so many eye contacts and him following me around, he agreed to have chats in the kitchen (as I previously said) then the next week I sent him an email asking for a time but he didn't reply, he just kept the eye contact with me.
Why didn't he reply? He keeps avoiding replays to my emails but sends me subtle invitations to speak to him in the kitchen.
Need to say he's extremely shy too, got red/blush last Friday when I went to his desk asking for help for job task as he has more experience and more years in the company.
What should I do? How should I react to his approach?

@linoventura yes , sometimes I wonder, where we get our very promiscuous attitudes to sex..in the U.K

@LinoVentura
And then you suggest me to refrain from my personality...LOL

@angell84
Agree again with you.

I have lived abroad for a while and came back to the UK.
I came back to the U.K.
Various People were talking to me about : having sex in fields where people could see them, sex parties, having lots of sex with married men, talking about having had sex at age 14 with loads of different people, having sex with five guys in one night. One woman age 36 was telling me about having sex with a 17 year old

I just wonder why out attitude is different .. to most of the rest of the world. We are a strange nation!

@superstar5219: I suggest that if you're looking for a relationship don't consider anyone who doesn't treat you with respect. Staring at you is just immature and suggests that the man is hoping for a porn type experience. And if you're interested in casual sex then I'd strongly suggest that you only consider men you don't work with.

Also if you end up going on a works night out (or office party or whatever) be aware that in the UK we have the concept of 'getting lucky' i.e. people go out with their friends, get blind drunk and hope to end up having sex with someone. So be very wary of how you interact with your male colleagues once alcohol is involved.

And then you suggest me to refrain from my personality...LOL

Nooo but I did suggest that you might consider toning it down a little. Are you the same way with your female colleagues? That makes a big difference.

How come you haven't replied to angel84 in Spanish?

I just wonder why out attitude is different .. to most of the rest of the world. We are a strange nation!

To be fair in Latin America the concept of paying for sex seems to be far more socially acceptable than it is in the UK. I assume mainly because of the poverty. Also I've been told numerous times by Latins themselves that most Latin American men and women are unfaithful. How true that is I don't know nor am I judging anyone if it is true.

How come you haven't replied to angel84 in Spanish?

The OP has pretty good English so I don't see why she shouldn't use it. It's not a language exchange website.

(If someone is looking for a language exchange then try Italki.)

@LinoVentura Appreciate your suggestion again and will take them into account.
Just to let you know - I don't drink alcohol and keep avoiding going to works night outs, do not have neither interest on them nor time as I need to go either stay at work up to 7 pm to finish up workload or go home to carry on with my ladmin (life administration) even on a Friday, which is important to me over after work drinks ;)
By the way, the guy I am speaking about sometimes did the same before I ever noticed he existed, staying at work until late. I think that's when he noticed I existed, we were the only two nerdy doing work after work ended.

@LinoVentura or even until 9:00 pm, I remember a day I left at 9:30 pm.

I just wonder why out attitude is different .. to most of the rest of the world. We are a strange nation!

because the Brits were a puritan nation for a very long time, sex was seen as dirty etc, then suddenly starting from the 60s it came bursting out, the repression. So now it's OTT / overcompensation.

@LinoVentura There are hardly female colleagues at my workplace, and I mostly relate to my female manager to whom I am quite affectionate, she noticed this trait of my personality, she didn't judged me for this or misunderstood it.

So brits are too, and any human being in the world, unfaithfulness is a common trait of human beings not of a specific nationality.

@superstar5219 Without being able to observe the situation first hand I suppose there is a chance the guy is not a player (womaniser/mujeriego) however if he is genuine then sooner or later he will make his feelings known. Until then I suggest that you continue to be your normal friendly self with him but do not show him that you are interested in him romantically.

Incidentally if you ever need any advice in the future you can always PM me (in English or Spanish). I've been in South America for a couple of years now, spending almost all my time with locals, so I have been able to observe first hand the differences between the culture and mores here and those of the environment I was brought up in, and I would be happy to help you with anything.

@LinoVentura Thank you very much, I will do so.

@LinoVentura There are hardly female colleagues at my workplace, and I mostly relate to my female manager to whom I am quite affectionate, she noticed this trait of my personality, she didn't judged me for this or misunderstood it.

All or predominantly male work environments are terrible. Even worse than all or predominantly female work environments (which are pretty bad). They encourage misogyny and competitive womanising. Avoiding socialising with your colleagues is not a bad move.

I am an oldie, and still say courtship, as it's a nice old fashioned word.

I think that you are probably a very good looking girl , from another country it seems, and this man in the office is very attracted to you. But don't lead him on in any way, just try and have some chats with him,and see if you can get to know a little about him. I wouldn't do any emailing to him in the office though.

He may be a nice kind of man, and much better than some men, who think they are god like.

Keep it all off official work email/messenger/ whatever. Keep it verbal.

“I’ve been wanting to see that film/exhibition/try that pub” is a good opener.

He might be in n a relationship but attracted to you. He might be single and wanting to initiate something but shy or scared of using work email. Just try mentioning a possible leisure activity you’d like to try. Then wait.

Also “courtship” isn’t every day English now. But our grandparents said it, Sociologists, anthropologists and maybe relationship advisers still say it. We know what you mean.

Workplace relationships are full of potential problems. And he doesn't sound that interested in you to be honest.

I can't imagine much work gets done. I can just envisage men walking round, bumping into desks, walls, the photocopier, each other, not watching where they're going as they are all staring instensely at your personality.

Joking aside, just ask him out. That's the only way you'll get your answer.

All this 'staring' and emailing and meeting in the kitchen sounds ridiculous.

Is it Boris Johnson? He understands Latin. I'd try muttering "da mi basia mille" while pressing up against him in the photocopier room, or "Caecilius est in horto; canis est in viā" while making fixed eye contact and running your tongue over your lips. Steam everywhere.

@pandamore agreed 😂 I imagine the OPs confidence is quite shocking to many of us self-effacing Brits.

Man: 'you look nice today'
British woman who has Made an effort: 'eurgh im bloated and this dress only cost me £2 from a car boot sale'

I've never thought of LA women as promiscuous.... I've always stereotyped them as sexual but conservative (ie macho father figure means they're not promiscuous)