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Original poster

I do not how to react to my British colleague courtship

208 replies

superstar5219 · 09/03/2020 22:50

Hi ladies (and gents)
Was brought to this site as I’ve been living in the UK for not so long and I have a British colleague at work interested in me.
Issue is this is the first time a British guy shows such a deep interest in me, good thing is I like him, he's posh, I guess a middle class man, middle 30's, lots of matches between both of us, BUT…..and I don’t know how to react to his courtship.
I know he is interested in me as plenty of websites say his hints/behaviours are the typical British man hints/behavior to let you know they are interested in a woman...He's constantly following me around, keeping eye contact, arranged with me private conversations in the kitchen of our workplace.
However, I come from a latin country, where men are too intrusive, quite direct and straightforward since the very beginning of the courtship process, this means they lead and women's opinion are barely taken in account during the courtship.
So, what should I do? I feel petrified as he's extremely handsome and I don't know what to do or what to say in front of him as he is obviously waiting for my reaction to his approach/courtship.
I sent him some skype messages telling him I wanted to speak to him to break the ice after so many eye contacts and him following me around, he agreed to have chats in the kitchen (as I previously said) then the next week I sent him an email asking for a time but he didn't reply, he just kept the eye contact with me.
Why didn't he reply? He keeps avoiding replays to my emails but sends me subtle invitations to speak to him in the kitchen.
Need to say he's extremely shy too, got red/blush last Friday when I went to his desk asking for help for job task as he has more experience and more years in the company.
What should I do? How should I react to his approach?

OP posts:
Original poster
superstar5219 · 09/03/2020 23:42

@angell84
Looking at me with that intensity and following me around (showing up/making explicit his sensual attributes), I don’t think what you say.

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 09/03/2020 23:44

Emailing him with an invitation to the kitchen is a bit odd! He agreed to meet in the kitchen for a chat, and then failed to respond to an attempt to pin him down to a time?
It doesn’t sound much like a courtship from his angle, tbh.

Thisismytimetoshine · 09/03/2020 23:46

Oh, Jesus Hmm. What does “making explicit his sensual attributes” mean exactly?

Original poster
superstar5219 · 09/03/2020 23:47

@Pandamoore

hahahahaahah!

OP posts:
Shimy · 09/03/2020 23:48

showing up/making explicit his sensual attributes),

What are those?

Pandamoore · 09/03/2020 23:48

Lol maybe it is just your word choice but it doesn't sound like he is behaving very appropriate for the workplace.

Also, British ppl dont really...court these days lol. In the office it is usually a bad idea. I find men in the office normally will blow hot and cold. It just isn't a good idea to date someone at work.

But if you want to risk it the just flat out ask him 'hey do you want to go out after work some time?' If he makes an excuse or does not give a straight answer, he us either not interested or is messing you about.

I don't buy the 'he is shy'. More likely he is just a time waster.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 09/03/2020 23:49

@Thisismytimetoshine
Sound odd but he was happy I must say.
So, if it isn't courtship, then what is it??

OP posts:
angell84 · 09/03/2020 23:50

@superstar5219 we don't say "courtship".

We said it 50 years ago.

Where did you get that word from?

PigletJohn · 09/03/2020 23:50

lunch together is much lower key than evening. Weekend is much higher key and may alarm the socially inept.

If you are in a district where people take their sandwiches to the park on sunny days, you can suggest it even though you are a woman and it will be about the least embarrassing suggestion you can make. If that frightens him off it's not a big deal but you should give up. You can ask if he's "married or something" during conversation.

biwinoone · 09/03/2020 23:52

How old are you OP? Why are you reading so much into his actions? He is looking at you doesn't mean he wants to court you. You just have been here for 6 months, get to know him first by talking about general life/interests and through other people. He is in his mid-30s as you say, He would be confident enough at this age to go to a woman he likes and atleast say something. Why does he wants to go in a kitchen to speak? Can't he talk to you infront of everyone?

angell84 · 09/03/2020 23:55

@superstar5219 we do not have courtship in the U.K.

It is a much more relaxed approach. Peoplw go for a coffee or for a drink. The man or the woman could ask to do this.

I think that it must be alot more serious in your country?

PicsInRed · 09/03/2020 23:55

He sounds creepy and weird by British standards. Why would you want the local creepy fella?

I avoid weird men these days. Hmm Grin

biwinoone · 09/03/2020 23:56

and as others have pointed out, no one courts anyone anymore. They flirt, have an affair or a relationship. Don't read too much into it just because he a good looking. If a not so good looking person was doing these kinds of things you would have found them creepy.

IMO it is not a good idea to flirt or have an affair with someone at work. If a relationship at work blows up you will be the one in trouble as you were the one emailing him to meet, not the other way round. He has been there longer than you, and he is smart enough not leave any trace.

Original poster
superstar5219 · 09/03/2020 23:57

@angell84
It's all over the Internet when you search about these things.
What do you say instead of courtship then?

OP posts:
Original poster
superstar5219 · 09/03/2020 23:58

@PicsInRed
hahahhahaah! That's funny!

OP posts:
Thinkingabout1t · 10/03/2020 00:00

Are you friendly with any other female colleague who knows him well? You could ask her — if she is a friend you trust — whether he’s single, whether she thinks he’s interested in you etc.

Or you could ask him if he’d like to have lunch with you, as others have suggested. If that goes well a few times, you could suggest going for a drink after work — though I would hope he would suggest it by then.

Good luck, and let us know how you get on!

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:05

@biwinoone
Agree with you, need to be cautious.
However, did you know that many statistics state 40% of british couples met at work?
I will obviously not have an affair with him if he's in an relationship.
But if he's not, why should I not give me an opportunity?

OP posts:
LinoVentura · 10/03/2020 00:12

However, I come from a latin country, where men are too intrusive, quite direct and straightforward since the very beginning of the courtship process, this means they lead and women's opinion are barely taken in account during the courtship.
So, what should I do? I feel petrified as he's extremely handsome and I don't know what to do or what to say in front of him as he is obviously waiting for my reaction to his approach/courtship.

You're overestimating the differences between Latin American and British men. If a Brit male is really interested in you and you are friendly to him at work he will find out if you're single and then assuming you are then sooner or later he will ask you to meet up outside work.

If he's just staring at you then he's playing games and/or already has a woman in his life. Don't be blinded by his good looks.

Incidentally I'm a British male myself and I presently live in Latin America. Imo the guys here aren't that different to Brits i.e. if they're not playing games they have no reason not to be open about their intentions.

biwinoone · 10/03/2020 00:12

Because you should find someone who has to guts to tell you if they like you, not hide their relationship with you from everyone or no only have conversations in the kitchen. You surely deserve better than this.

angell84 · 10/03/2020 00:13

@superstar5219 que buscate? cortejo es una palabra muy antigua de la década de 1950 que ya no usamos.

LinoVentura · 10/03/2020 00:14

Put it this way: even by British standards I'm extremely shy yet even I'm capable of asking a woman to meet up with me.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 10/03/2020 00:17

OP, we don't say 'courtship', it's very oldfashioned and suggests it's being led by the man wooing the woman, and is quite formal. Flirting is a better way of describing things.

Next time you're in the kitchen with him, say something like 'Being new here, I don't really know the best place for coffee/a drink. Where do you like to go?' If he has suggestions, then say 'That sounds really nice - do you fancy going after work some time, if you're free?'

angell84 · 10/03/2020 00:18

@LinoVentura I am looking at your message intensely lol

Original poster
superstar5219 · 10/03/2020 00:23

@biwinoone
By the way, there are other male colleagues doing something similar to what he's doing, following me around and staring at me, not as deep and intentional like him and I don't find them creepy, just the normal reaction to what I normally cause since I was a teenager: attraction, this doesn't happen only in my workplace, it happens everywhere I go. And I don't find it creepy, but normal.
I am very kind with everyone since the very beginning, very affectionate, welcoming, bubbly, always smiling, I don't do it on purpose, that's how I am, I think it's because I grew up in very warm-friendly-affectionate home, so probably I have what psychologist call a "healthy personality"

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 10/03/2020 00:25

He sounds a bit odd. I'd just back off for a bit.
Concentrate on your job or friends instead?
Definitely dont email personal things. That will come back to bite you.
Also, please dont confide in anyone else as a PP suggested. They wont be able to resist gossiping and it'll just get really embarrassing.

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