I do not how to react to my British colleague courtship

[superstar5219]

Hi ladies (and gents)
Was brought to this site as I’ve been living in the UK for not so long and I have a British colleague at work interested in me.
Issue is this is the first time a British guy shows such a deep interest in me, good thing is I like him, he's posh, I guess a middle class man, middle 30's, lots of matches between both of us, BUT…..and I don’t know how to react to his courtship.
I know he is interested in me as plenty of websites say his hints/behaviours are the typical British man hints/behavior to let you know they are interested in a woman...He's constantly following me around, keeping eye contact, arranged with me private conversations in the kitchen of our workplace.
However, I come from a latin country, where men are too intrusive, quite direct and straightforward since the very beginning of the courtship process, this means they lead and women's opinion are barely taken in account during the courtship.
So, what should I do? I feel petrified as he's extremely handsome and I don't know what to do or what to say in front of him as he is obviously waiting for my reaction to his approach/courtship.
I sent him some skype messages telling him I wanted to speak to him to break the ice after so many eye contacts and him following me around, he agreed to have chats in the kitchen (as I previously said) then the next week I sent him an email asking for a time but he didn't reply, he just kept the eye contact with me.
Why didn't he reply? He keeps avoiding replays to my emails but sends me subtle invitations to speak to him in the kitchen.
Need to say he's extremely shy too, got red/blush last Friday when I went to his desk asking for help for job task as he has more experience and more years in the company.
What should I do? How should I react to his approach?

Oh dear, I think you need to read this:

www.goodreads.com/book/show/288448.Watching_the_English

In WATCHING THE ENGLISH anthropologist Kate Fox takes a revealing look at the quirks, habits and foibles of the English people. She puts the English national character under her anthropological microscope, and finds a strange and fascinating culture, governed by complex sets of unspoken rules and byzantine codes of behaviour. The rules of weather-speak.

Oh, you sound ADORABLE. I wish I worked with you. Do you have any female friends at work who might be able to help you navigate this? They might have a better idea of this guy and his signals and what to say. I think you need some girlfriends! Good luck.

Some of you are being really quite disrespectful to the OP. She may use words which sound odd in English - well, that's absolutely to be expected in a foreign speaker. I find it odd to hear so many of you fixate on the word "courtship"? Why? It's simply the wrong word - big deal. I bet your Spanish is not perfect either .

As for the differences in the way British and Latin American people approach relationships - of any kind-, there's definitely a difference. Research demonstrates this - I'm an academic in a related field and have read a lot about it.

OP, this is how it reads to me: you are an attractive woman with a typically warm and friendly Latin American personality. You like this man but can't read him well because he's from a markedly different culture - so you might interpret his body language as a sign of shyness. This British man might also read you incorrectly: he sees this unusually friendly woman (by his cultural standards) and wonders why she's so smiley and chatty - she must be sexually attractive to him, surely? Therefore he stares at you because he's looking for confirmation that you are, indeed, sexually interested. This can be a bit of fun and an ego-boosting pastime for him, or there might be real reciprocal interest in you.

You can't tell by the way he looks at you, that's the message. My gut feeling is that he would have made a move if he was interested in taking things forward. But there's no harm in asking - make it light and casual and if he says no, that's your answer.

@TR888, you don't think that the fact (stated by OP herself) that ALL male colleagues are staring at her suggests that they may be perceiving her behaviour in a less desirable way? If it was only that one colleague, it would be much better.

As others have said, no more emails. Talk to him. Ask him what he's doing this weekend.

Are you sure he's single? If he definitely is, then ask him if he fancies a drink after work on Friday, something low key and casual. If he refuses, then you have your answer. Even the shyest of men, if they fancy a woman and they make the first move, won't decline the chance of a date.

I hope you're not misreading his intentions, he may not want to become romantically involved with you at all and he's merely looking at you because you are different to other women.

Aneley - if lots of other British men stare at theOP is probably because they are also misreading her. We all read others according to the rules of behaviour in our cultures.

The OP might be doing things that are entirely normal in her home culture: she might have a louder tone of voice, smaller personal space and she might even make some light, affectionate physical contact with colleagues. This is absolutely normal in Southern European and Latin American countries and nobody batters an eyelid; for example, I often go to Spain on business and am regularly greeted with a couple of kisses by my Spanish colleagues. But this is not how people relate to each other in professional environments in the UK. People might misinterpret those behaviours here and think the OP is trying to attract attention to herself (badly frowned upon in British culture) or is being flirty. Hence other men staring, either disapprovingly or with sex in mind.

The OP might be doing things that are entirely normal in her home culture: she might have a louder tone of voice, smaller personal space and she might even make some light, affectionate physical contact with colleagues. This is absolutely normal in Southern European and Latin American countries and nobody batters an eyelid;

I'm pleased to hear that no eyelids are being battered.

Oh dear, I think you need to read this:

www.goodreads.com/book/show/288448.Watching_the_English

Also work on meeting people outside work. Not just Brits but other immigrants (from anywhere). Others from outside British culture might offer a good perspective about what Brits are really like.

People might misinterpret those behaviours here and think the OP is trying to attract attention to herself (badly frowned upon in British culture) or is being flirty. Hence other men staring, either disapprovingly or with sex in mind.

Sad to say but this may well be the case.

If he's not asking you out he's just not that interested. Nothing to do with being a British man. You've messaged him and he didn't reply so you've made the first move and he hasn't reciprocated. Move on.

@TR888 I couldn't agree more, that is literally all I've been trying to communicate here.

@PippaPegg
He’s single, have discovered today, Phew!
And I have realised I haven’t given him enough confidence to progress things. My petrification transformed me in a close door to him rather than a friendly colleague. May be because some bad experiences in the past with males.

@skinnymarshmallow
Emailing using work related tools is not a good idea, this was already stated in this thread before.
And I have realised I haven’t given him enough confidence to progress things. My petrification transformed me in a close door to him rather than a friendly colleague. May be because some bad experiences in the past with males.

@blueshoes
He's single. Have discovered today.

@CaptainNelson
"and doesn't say anything, imo."
Because I haven’t given him enough confidence to progress things.

Your petrification? You mean emailing to arrange clandestine meetings in the company kitchen was too subtle for him?
Honestly, what will you have to do to get this guy to notice you? 🤨

@Thinkingabout1t
I do really appreciate your advice, because of you was I able to discover he's single. A female colleague with more years there than him himself is quite close to him, so I asked a friend of mine (who happen to have my same nationality) to ask her if he's in a relationship and she said "What??? No! Come on! He is single!"

@Thisismytimetoshine

Written words have nothing to do with behaviours or body language.

@biwinoone
I can completely understand his behaviour, all private no-work-related conversations are held there, in the kitchen! XD

@ArriettyJones
Spot on! He's in single and scared, I haven't given him enough confidence to progress things.

What’s he scared of?

@FlowerArranger
I read it ages ago, I am bookworm. XD
Issue is this book lacks real advise/knowledge of plenty of people at the same time, which I love, to listen to different/contradictory opinions at the same time and then form my own opinion...Otherwise I would not have posted here.

@TakeANote
Thank you for your kind words! My workplace lacks females! I am the only one in my department of 6 people, with the exception of my manager!
And to be honest, I prefer to form my opinion by analyzing/watching people on my own, in other words, through my own eyes, I detest to reach conclusion about someone else just by accepting others opinion on this person.

Human being change, and what people saw/knew about you 5 years ago may not be completely accurate in the present. I change, people change, and most of the times are good changes, steps forward, not backwards.