Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Notcoolmum yes I have slept with him. We have been on 2 dates and I slept with him.aftet the second date. That's why I feel it's too early. I also have had the habit of jumping in too soon and trying to classify something.
He has only done fwb and FB before so I don't want to scare him by talking about being exclusive etc very quickly. We have already said that we both are looking forward to getting to know each other better and seeing where this goes. I know that doesn't say I'm just going to be seeing you though.

Oh @bangheadhere40 that's so annoying but I guess at least the decision has been taken out of your hands.
Did he just disappear or hasn't contacted you ?

@Onesmallstep67 yes he does appear to be a good dad, I think I just struggle going no contact after constant contact during the other days.
Its very confusing and I think like @Marlboroandmalbec34 I'm going to end up wanting more then he's prepared to give. He just says he wants to find something special that could turn into a LT relationship....

Meh. No messages so far this morning as expected so I think I'm going to just get busy and distract myself!

@Dancerinthemoonlight I don't think it needs a label after 2 dates but I ask don't think it's too early to ask if he's sleeping with other people. You aren't setting an ultimatum and you can choose how to act once you have the answer.

@clovertoast it doesn't sound like he is giving you enough of what you want. I understand the kids and that's good, but he could send a few messages.

You don't sound very happy, and maybe the communication styles / expectations of what you both want from this aren't aligned?

@clovertoast he never contacted me...he messaged me Thursday, I just left it as no question asked and went to bed. He would normally message me the friday afternoon but didn't.

At the other side of the coin I could have messaged him, but maybe we both didn't want to dump eachother officially!

On a more random note I seem to be collecting mens hoodies! I have one from Mr Smile, and now one from Mr Dumfries that he lent me last weekend.

I should have clicked when I asked to borrow one and he dug out an old one not his 'good one' that it was the end of the line 😀

@unambiguousbeard if I was going to a bar to buy beer for a friend I wouldn't need to ask what it was like nor mention I was staying for a drink 😉

@Clovertoast whilst it's great that he's focusing on his kids and I dont tend to text anywhere near as much when I have my son here, but nor do I disappear off the radar completely either.

@Dancerinthemoonlight if you care that he is sleeping with others, then you'll have to ask. At least then you know.

@Dancerinthemoonlight I think you should ask him as well. Say you don't feel comfortable if sleeping with others.

Do women ever start conversations on these dating sites? I'm finding them as a man really hard.
I'm not ghosting women on them I am just struggling to make any progess as I don't to bother people who may already be chatting to someone else

I will ask him when I see him next. I will feel like it's probably the kind of conversation I'd like to have in person rather than over text.
Hopefully I will be seeing him the latter part of next week

Hello all,
Haven't read back so hope you are all doing well. I loved reading success stories when I was OLD so thought I'd come back to share my own.
Things are going brilliantly with MM, in fact they just keep getting better. He is a wonderful Mr Right Now and we are very in tune. Everything about this relationship is great and we are both really happy.
It was odd that we both had slightly different settings on Bumble to normal and he is outside the distance I had set so I still don't understand how our paths actually crossed but I'm so glad they did and believe they were meant to cross.
I'm not on the smitten bench, I'm on the perfectly happy bench and love having someone in my life who seems to like me as much as I like him.
I'm really glad I kept my focus on what I was looking for and let the others go, or they let me go. Instinct is definitely there for a reason.
So hope this helps as some encouragement. I can confirm there are still some bloody wonderful men out there.
All the best
Saltysally

Lovely update salty.

bang if I were you I would send Mr Dumfries a polite but emphatic message that you won’t be seeing him again then delete chat and messages ( to stop you messaging again in a weak moment). Otherwise you are ghosting him.

@shitwithsugaron
Maybe I'm just destined to be by myself then. There must be something wrong with me I think.

My iron has gone away for a week, he'd had a wobble about us last week so I'm going to give him space this week to miss me.

We have always messaged a lot, trying hard not to immediately reply when he does. We've been seeing each other off and on for a year. He pulls back when he feels he wants more than he can give. And I'm not smart enough to run away.

@Yellowshirt

That can feel true sometimes, but it's not. You will find a mutual connection again soon

Well just as I get comfortable on the no cock and cocktails bench guess who calls!
Fucks sake! A day ago I'm saying it's for the best it's ended, one short phone call later and I'm back at square one wanting her back.
She's caught me at a low point as childfree weekends is when we used to spend a lot of time together, so it's when she's on my mind the most.
She asked if I wanted to go out tonight, but I said I'm busy with friends but would ring tomorrow. Need some time to think 🤷‍♂️

Just to be clear she wants to try again.

@Yellowshirt Could it be the wrong time for you to meet someone? You attract what you project. Work on yourself so you know your worth.

Thanks @tiger

Sorry to barge in unannounced but I'm thinking I might perhaps, possibly, if I can muster up the courage and stop prevaricating....... dip my (little) toe into OLD...

I've dipped in and out of the dating threads and learned a lot. For which I thank you all. I'm willing to accept this is going to be a hard furrow to plough. I'm prepared for uncalled-for sexting, dickpix, ghosting, whatever.

However, What I cannot get my head around is the seemingly widespread expectation to DTD on the 3rd or 4th date. Admittedly it has been decades since I (kind of) dated, but this is not something I could ever contemplate.

Am I totally unreasonable to only want to take the (to me) momentous step of getting between the sheets once I'm sure that I am in a proper relationship which is going somewhere?

@FlowerArranger i think should do whatever suits you best. I personally have always waited several months to sleep with someone but that's just me.

How do you deal with the fear of being alone?

I separated from my husband, been seeing someone since and so not had to face the idea of not having someone coming to see me every so often, no one messaging through the day. The idea of losing that is very scary.