Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hi @Jane1978 - thank you for taking the time to reply.

She lives about 45 mins away. She has been to my place twice but has returned home both times, each occasion has been quite affectionate - kissing and me caressing her and she has put her hand inside my shirt but no more so far. I'm careful not to rush anything but have mentioned the idea of her staying over but added there was no rush. I'm trying not to be clumsy or seem too pushy - its a nightmare trying to judge the pace and I don't want to act like a wet blanket. At 58 it seems even tougher than when I was 18!

fenderif she enjoys kissing and caressing she will probably enjoy more, can you move it up a gear next time? And how about mentioning it when you message?

Ask if she’d like a few drinks and stay next time or why doesn’t she stay save the drive until mornkng and stay. And she’ll either jump at the chance or decline

@TigerDater - so should I let her take the lead?

@Jane1978xx - I assume the acceptance of a further drink is her non-verble answer to stay or not.

At what point would a decline be read as - no further interest - I know everyone goes at different paces but I'm new to this OLD and we obviously have a connection given the previous but I don't want to frighten Ms Travel off with some clumsy move. Whole thing seems a nightmare for overthinking the worst!

I think everyone has a different time limit. If she declines then it doesn’t mean it’s a no forever , just she wants more time or she could just prefer her own home at the moment

@fender222 hope you don't mind me commenting. Although I'm a lot younger that pretty much everyone on this thread I prefer if when a man takes the lead. If they go too fast for me then I just say not tonight or something along the lines of I like you but would like to go slower.
That way you can show that you are into her and would like to progress things and if she doesn't want to go further you can show you are a gentleman by respecting her boundaries and going at her pace

@Jane1978xx - thank you for taking the time to reply - I hope she just wants more time to feel comfortable - I often wonder whats going thru her head when we are together on the sofa!

@Dancer - thank you for your comments - I am a gentleman and I'm not into ONS and I'm respectful of the boundaries though as I'm caressing her its so difficult not to say or do something to blow her off course and to be dropped. Ah....the agony of not knowing...

Oh crikey. Just caught up.

@crazycatlady20 hope you feel a bit better today. Fuck 'em

@marlboroughandmalbec ☹️And @Ant330 blimey. Actually us three need our heads knocking together. Along with mr b, mr u and ms H.

fender it sounds like she wants you to take the lead. I like the idea of you suggesting you go away together. Neutral ground but clear about where it’s going.

@unambiguousbeard think you might be right 😂

I think I might have misjudged mr RealLife 's interest. Think it was just because I was caught up in a hormonal haze. I read the message thread. Reads like I jumped in there. I don't even know if I fancy him.... I kind of hope I did misjudge him so I can hang on to mr U.

@Fender222.... You say you've been dating Ms Travel since mid-February and that you want a proper relationship. Personally, 3 weeks in would be too early for me to jump into bed - but I'm sure others feel differently. I'd definitely let her take the lead, whilst making it clear that you're up for it.

Have you told her how you feel about her and that you are hoping that what you are having will turn into a proper relationship? I'm sure she is not expecting a declaration of undying love, but maybe she needs the security of knowing that this is going to be more than just a fling.

Fender....could you suggest for your next date she stays over, but you will offer her the spare room? Then just see what happens.

You sound lovely btw and very respectful. I think I'm done with OLD, I'm not strong enough. The only way I could was if I was multiple dating to not get too invested, but that goes against what I want from a man, as I don't want them to do it.

I don't think I can carry on with it, it's too much angst if i like them. ☹

And Fender just tell her you really like her, not into ONS what you have said here. Women like being reassured!!!

Hallo! I’d like to join, please. I’m separated a year and haven’t dated yet but am really keen to dip my toe in soon.

@bangheadhere40 hope you're ok. Don't give up (says the person who's given up) maybe have a break. I didn't realise you were sad about it all

Literally just had the worst date ever. I so wished I listened to my gut. Genuinely feel like a piece of shit.

@ALittleBitConfused1... What happened?
A trouble shared is a trouble halved.... We can help you feel better

@ALittleBitConfused1
This was your at home date wasnt it?
I hope you come back soon feeling less like a piece of shit and to let us know what happened so we can offer some support

@ALittleBitConfused1
Just had a read back and this is the guy that joked he was outside your house a few nights before who you had met only a few times.

Gut instinct is so strong usually.
You've done nothing wrong by still meeting him, we all like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Hope you're ok @ALittleBitConfused1

@bangheadhere40 - thank you for your comments. I do believe I'm a gentleman and I'm respectful of the woman and how she maybe feeling so I'm trying to judge the fine line of being sensitive but not appearing weak.

When I found that we had a connection and some chemistry I decided not to continue to see other women on the site as I wanted to give my attention to just this woman - it just felt wrong seeing other women at the same time. That said, I've been careful not to suggest we are already in a relationship or exclusive a she has not said anything either. I could offer her the spare room but I sense we need further dates to get to that point - geez....trying second guess this stuff is a minefield especially if you're bloke who is doing his best not to frighten a lovely women away.

BTW - I really appreciate everyone's comments and insight here!

@ALittleBitConfused1 are you ok ? That was a really worrying message ? I hope everything is alright and untoward happened . You are NOT a piece of shit regardless. You are just someone trying to find someone genuine, like all of us .

@bangheadhere40 are you really done with OLD ? Maybe you just need a break for a bit. I must admit after a shit weekend with minimal contact from Mr P I feel a bit unsettled. The start of a relationship is meant to be fun and exciting I'm permanently anxious and overthinking.

Meh...happy Sunday everyone

@ALittleBitConfused1 please post when you can and let us know you are ok.

@fender222 at 57 you must have experience of reading body language and cues? What is the messaging like in between times? I would like he man to take the lead. You can have the conversation 'I really like you and I'm not going to go back on the sites or date anytime else whilst we see where this goes' and/or step things up on your next date. But checking she is happy with how things are progressing.

@unambiguousbeard interesting that you are hoping something doesn't take off so you don't have to drop Mr U...

@bangheadhere40 are you ok? Are you upset about anyone in particular or that sense of losing hope? It's frustrating. Some people tend to meet their perfect match very quickly. And others take years. But you definite won't find it by continuing to see someone you know isn't right for you. So you should feel proud of yourself for recognising your feelings and knowing it wasn't working for you.