Dating Thread 186 - Heading into Spring with thicker skin and a new outlook on dating

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Urgh sorry your night was so rough. Seems like you should steer clear of the guy just looking for sex, but you've nothing to lose by meeting the other one he might not photograph well!

Maybe just me but I like meeting new people so I'd take a chance

*two fingers. And two fingers to them from me too

Morning all
Missed the end of the last thread as things ended with Mr Joiner and I was feeling a bit sorry for myself
Still onwards, upwards and back on the apps 🙄

@shitwithsugaron cumulation of things and I know it was the right thing, TBH I wanted it to work more than it was working if that makes sense?

Hmmh I'm off the drink and fancy some cock so I think you're on your own on that bench 😝🤣

I’m more and more convinced there is a trend towards men being on the apps just to get a thrill by chatting and arranging a first date then standing up/ghosting - the woman-hating, basement-living, total-losers brigade. Impossible probably to weed them out entirely but I think I would definitely go down the quick daytime coffee meet route first.

You did nothing wrong though crazycat, it was just one of those horrible evenings where a number of things go wrong at the same time 💐. I hope you feel a bit better today.

Commiserations dancemom. I think you’re allowed a virgin cocktail and still be looking for cock on shitwith’s bench!

Thanks for the new thread, just checking in. Sorry to those having a crap time.

First date tonight with Mr Fit. Nerves haven't really kicked in yet but I'm sure they will later!

Bloody hell you lot dont hang around do you. Right after a long day at work, then shopping I then spent 5 hours cleaning ready for my at home date tonight. I come on here and theres a whole new thread .
I'm still going to see Mr Seems Nice but I'm not sure I'm feeling it. Theres a tiny chance he could be too full on for me. But then I've been online dating long enough to know this can change.
So who has dates for today?

Crazycat at least you got both twats out the way in one night, hope you're ok this morning, try not to let it get it you down it's just shit behaviour from both of them nothing to do with you

I'm single, fancy a mojito, not using mine and not looking for any cock, any space on the bench 😂

Not caught up on thread at all yet so apologies but my head is a bit all over the place and need to get it down.

So mr U and I had sex and went to ikea last night and it's so easy with him. It's like we were still together. I pointed out how ridiculous this is and said what's going to happen? He basically said sooner or later one of us (me) will meet someone else and that will give the other one (him) the impetus to find someone else. Which I pointed out is just daft as we have such chemistry. He also said we need to try to not see each other very often as then it's just a relationship all over again. But he's the one who always initiated contact. So I guess he's trying to do the sensible thing which is not he together but is failing because of how he feels about me. Ffs. And I know you'll all tell me to not see him. It's fine. It'll play itself out eventually. Built like Big and Marlbs.

The main thing is mr RealLife who I mentioned a few threads ago who shares my hobby and is 10 years younger than me and way out of my league etc I decided it was daft even considering him but we do get on well but I'm not going younger again. Anyway we swapped numbers as part of a group chat and have been messaging regularly but mainly about our hobbie. Last night he sent me the address of a bar that's practically next door to me to ask what it's like. He had to buy some beer from there for a friend. Said he might stay for one. I replied that I was with a friend or I would have joined him. Ended eventually with me saying to let me know if he fancied a jaunt round the local bars sometime. Now was he asking me or did I jump in? He didn't invite me for a drink. But why tell me he's going a bar near my house alone unless he was testing the water? He lives fairly nearby anyway. Men of the thread, is that someone seeing if I might be amenable or just being friendly or what? And do people of the opposite sex who ate just being friendly invite each other for drinks...??? Aasassrghghhhh

I'm now thinking maybe he thinks I'm way out of his league and I appear very confident, together etc (though you lot know I'm not) and is maybe a bit intimidated by me. I'm way better at the hobby than him. Rather than me thinking why the hell would he be interested in me? Old, saggy, mother of two....

Mr Football from tinder has also resurfaced.

This all when I'd decided that seeing mr U every couple of weeks is perfect currently.

@unambiguousbeard, would you indulge me slightly by giving me ( and anyone else newer) who doesn't know the back story of Mr U. ? A couple of broad stroke bits so I can understand your connection.

unambiguous has her mojo back! Loving that you assume he thinks you’re out of his league rather than the other way round - this is how we should all be thinking. Not that there is any such thing as a league of course...

@Onesmallstep67 I'm delighted you're interested. We met on tinder a year ago. Mr unsuitable. He's 15 years younger than me, from a very different Mediterranean culture, (which I have referenced before but I won't as it's part of a list), has a ridiculous job. I helped him set up his business, met his friends, we fell quite heavily but out of the blue he ended it as it had no future while dropping the L word. Which it doesn't. About 8 months in. I was devastated. We stayed in touch as there was no reason not to. We've met up a few times and ended up in bed about a month ago. Neither of us has met anyone else and we clearly have strong feelings. Somebody said right person wrong time and that is kind of us. Right person wrong age. It'll all come right in the end I just need to hold on tight.

I'm more interested in if Mr Real life fancies me or not! Not sure if I fancy him actually. Was he putting the suggestion out that we go for a drink? And if so, do men go out for friendly drinks with women?

Yes @TigerDater mojo seems to be creeping back. It's just whether I can let go of Mr U.

@TigerDater no I thought he was out of my league. Younger, hot (I think anyway) confident, busy... I thought why would he fancy me? He just sees me as an older female he can confide in. But just occurred to me that maybe he sees it the other way round... ie why would I be interested I him?

Sounds hard unambiguous it’s the bloody chemistry isn’t it? So hard to find and so difficult to let go of. I would assume if Mr Real life is messaging he is interested!

Oh I think I have buggered up! I’m supposed to be exclusive with Big but he cannot (or will not) give me what I need. Last night I drank a bottle of wine and arranged to meet up with Mr Fact again. I also arranged a first date with Mr Painter (irl new iron) I M seeing Big on Tuesday so I think I will officially end it then. I think it needs to be face to face. Must not sniff him, must be strong!

I don’t feel guilty about Big. He knows he is under delivering but I feel bad about Mr Fact I don’t want to string him along

@unambiguousbeard, thank you. I can see that there is clearly a lot of things pulling you together while you think you should on paper be apart. I have bobbled along through 6 years with Mr Cocky ( FWB) and we have had some real highs and lows along the way. But try as I might there's something that neither can seem to get out of our system. You seem to be confident and self aware and have plenty of options.

Gosh so much happening on this thread our lives move so quickly !
I've got the usual doubt today as its Mr Ps weekend with his kids so he barely speaks to me I know that sounds like I'm being a petulant child but we whatsapped a couple of messages yesterday afternoon and I said I was sending him a cuddle as he was concerned about something. He replied no I'm having child cuddles this weekend. It just felt weird, like he wants nothing to do with me when he has the kids ? He doesn't message me at all ?
But maybe thats as it should be?
When hes child free he messages all the time so I'm niggling I'm a time filler ? OR hes just a good dad who values his time with his kids, its only early days and I need to stop being a needy idiot ?
Thoughts lol?????

I’m not a man (obviously) but I can almost hear men of my acquaintance confirming that Mr Real Life knew what he was doing unambiguous re the bar and drinks. One to follow up I would have said

@Clovertoast , next time you meet up do you feel you could broach the subject ? I think I recall that when you are together you have a lovely time but you wish you could see a bit more of each other?

@Clovertoast, just reread your post. I think the fact that he focuses on his DC is a good thing. If he's lovely and consistent with you at other times I wouldn't flag up anything related to his behaviour when with DC. And it's not like he's with other women etc.

I have blocked Mr Smile after he suggested I go to his for a weekend away. Never even met the man. Unsurprisingly going to focus all my attention on Mr Army. I'm at the difficult stage of badly wanting to have the exclusive talk but not wanting to scare him off as I know it's too soon and I want to enjoy the early stages of dating. I'm slightly over invested as you can probably all tell. I know he has been on Bumble as his location changes but I don't know if he is still swiping, talking or arranging any dates with people on there.

Well update...I never heard back from Mr Dumfries after I was planning my goodbye text. Just shows if you feel the effort is dwindling from them it probably is....I could sense it and I was right.

Luckily on this occasion I had made my mind up anyway, but why do they do this!!!!!!!

I also think I must be a bad judge of character, I was really into him at first. Is this what most of them do...few good dates, think they may be able to get better and then off they go 🤔

@Dancerinthemoonlight you have slept with him. In my mind that's not too early at all. It's the right time to ask if he's still going on dates. Sleeping with others or wanting to. Then you can choose what to do when you know.

People are on their best behaviour to start with @bangheadhere40 it sounds like you just didn't gel when you went to his for the weekend. Just don't go back to Mr Not Straight!!

Ha well that went well. Mr Fit has messaged this morning to say he's not well, can we reschedule. "I promise I'm not bailing I do want to meet you. Just dont feel well x"

Thing is I don't feel disappointed at all! Chatting to him had become a bit painful, all a bit full on relationship wise and that's not what I'm looking for so I don't know whether to just say feel better but let's leave it for now?