Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feel like husband doesn't care

990 replies

Chickencuddle · 03/03/2020 12:22

Feel like his priorities are football and sex and then the kids and everything else and then me at the bottom. I know I sound like a spoiled brat. But I dont need much. Just feel like he doesnt care about me.
For example I have been very poorly recently ended up in a and e and still feeling very ill on the way home from A and E he grabbed my hand and made me touch his boner. I was like why have you got a boner now. He was just like "can you sort it out for me."
The kids were asleep in the back but could have woken up at any minute. I said no u felt awful and anyway the kids are in the back and it's not right to do hat when they are there.
He was all aww you could just Bob your head down or use your hand and be discreet.
Etc.
I was talking seriously the other day about going back to work to help with Bill's etc. Maybe doing a short course to get back into work. He wasnt really listening and then just said
Aye well you dont have to sell your body in the meantime.
I was like what? As if I would ever do that and I just feel like that's all he thinks I'm good for.
Asked him to watch the kids for an hour the other day because I was feeling so ill I thought I might pass out and he just complained about not being able to watch football.
The only time he hugs me or is nice to me is if he wants something.
Everything is a sexual innuendo and always dry humping me. I just feel like a piece of meat someti.es and just wish he would back off. Let me get better and be caring.
Am I being a brat or what?

OP posts:
BurtonHouse · 28/09/2020 09:52

How are you Chicken? Been thinking about you and hoping you're ok.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 28/09/2020 10:26

I hope you're OK @Chickencuddle and made the most of the weekend. Keep posting on here so we know how you're getting on. Very best wishes

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 28/09/2020 11:31

Hi. It didnt really feel like he was away really. I had to drop him off at the airport at 5.30 am with all the kids in the car. I asked if he could get a taxi but he didnt want to spend money.
So drove home and kids were tired. But we did have a good day. I felt relaxed.
He came home at 7.30 am on the sunday. He got the ferry overnight so slept on the ferry then got home early.
He was fine yesterday we had a nice day out and I've started to question how is he abusive. I took an emotional abuse test and it said I was reasonably safe from emotional abuse. Maybe it's all in my head.

Something which I was a bit annoyed about is that to buy this van he has spent all our savings and all the money in our account as loan hasnt come through. He said they need to ask him more questions because he doesnt have a business account. So just thinking if we dont get the loan all our savings are gone. He didnt tell me that until after.
Just think it should maybe be spoken about first I know that even if I buy the kids clothes that I consider more expensive (I'm just talking more expensive than supermarket clothes not super expensive) I always speak to him first. But I guess we are just different.
I will still speak to womens aid because I feel like I'm just going round in circles but I feel like theres not much wrong at the moment that I can talk about other than him snapping at the kids and touching me in my sleep etc.

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 28/09/2020 11:37

And spending your life savings without consulting you

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 28/09/2020 12:41

Lady from womens aid phoned me. She asked what help I needed. I said that I wasnt sure. I didnt want to waste her time if I'm not being abused. She said a good indicator is if you're scared of him. But I dont think I am scared of him...
She said she would email some documents for me to read. She said they encourage self diagnosis type thing so I assume she want me to come to the conclusion if I am being abused or not.
I feel really silly reading these documents. Most of it doesnt apply to me and only a few do and I feel like it's my own fault for not standing up for myself more. Not pushing more. I dont threaten to leave him or anything like that. I dont know what to say or do I feel silly. Even if I am being abused it is very minor going from what is on these booklets.

OP posts:
PETRONELLAS · 28/09/2020 12:48

It doesn’t have to meet self assessment criteria or be labelled as abuse to be wrong. It’s consistently unpleasant disrespectful behaviour.

walksonthebeach · 28/09/2020 12:49

You are being abused. There must be hundreds of people that commented on this thread. Every one of those people are telling you that you are being abused. Not one person on here has said his behaviour is normal because it really isin't normal. My husband is horrified over this thread, he cannot believe what your husband is doing to you. He is touching you against your will. You are saying no (that's standing up for yourself) he is ignoring you. That is abuse!

Cavagirl · 28/09/2020 12:52

Hi @Chickencuddle
I've been following your thread for a while but not an expert on any of this so haven't commented til now.
I really think you should go back to the beginning of this thread and re-read all your posts, and imagine they were written by someone else. Some of them, describing your experiences at the hands of this man, are chilling. Seeing it all written down might help you stop minimising it.

Cavagirl · 28/09/2020 12:54

OP also I think you're reaching the limit for #posts on a thread (is it 1000 posts? Anyone?) I think it would really benefit you to keep posting, but you'll need to start a new one. Think you can give it the same name.x

NW2SW · 28/09/2020 12:59

Instead of comparing to abuse cases, try comparing your relationship to a reasonably healthy relationship. How does the level of support you get from your partner compare? And the respect for your body and feelings? And their investment in your future and independence? And their financial openness and equality? And their desire to make you happy? Does that make your situation feel minor? I bet it wont.

There will always be someone struggling more than you, but that does not stop your experiences from being any less important and painful.

GoldfishParade · 28/09/2020 13:03

Yes you will be running out of space on this thread soon but please start another one so we can continue to support you

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 28/09/2020 13:09

Thank you. I sent a big email back to the lady I dont want to waste her time but I would like help too. I cant carry on like this. I just sent her a list of alot of the things happening. Including the sexual things and how he is with the kids. I hope she can advise me. Sometimes things feel very clear and sometimes everything feels murky. We had a good weekend and he was good with the kids. I lost my temper this morning he was giving me lists of things to do and putting pressure on me to do lots of things around the house. I said I can do things myself without him telling me what to do. And I can only try my best to get as much done as possible. I told him he never gives me a break to just chill out sometimes. He was lime "oh no you need to rest too" made me feel like I was being unreasonable and I feel bad. What if I'm the horrible one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickencuddle · 28/09/2020 13:09

I'll start a new thread soon thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickencuddle · 28/09/2020 19:17

New thread under same name made. Just with a 2 at the end.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page