I understand you feel guilty and weird after the sex , it’s ok to feel like this. However your feelings about him and she with him are not the most important thing here.
Your children are being abused and you need to put them first.
He has no interest in them and is highly Unlikely to have them two days a week if you leave. He doesn’t even like them - they annoy him and stop him doing what he wants.
No one thinks it’s easy to walk out the door and into a new house. But many posters have explained to you how you can start.
This is what a poster told you in April .
- You can go to a refuge. There are refuges for women and children. This would be a temporary solution. It provides a safe space for you and the children where you won't be subjected to constant abuse. At the refuge are support workers who can give you advice and help for the long term for example, your legal options or finding somewhere else to live etc You have been given a list of all refuges in NI. It is better to go somewhere outside your county for safety reasons.
- You could apply for an Occupation Order. An Occupation Order gets your husband out of the house. He won't be allowed to live there and will have to move somewhere else. An Occupation Order is sometimes combined with 3.
- Non Molestation Order. A Non Molestation Order is written specifically for the situation involved and you can even have a Non Molestation Order whilst living with an abuser. It spells out the kind of behaviour he can't do, for example, sexually assault you. It is a criminal offence to breach a Non Molestation Order and carries the power of arrest.
- You can divorce. I don't need to explain what that means. Family Law solicitors are still working and there is nothing stopping you from divorcing.
- You can contact the police and discuss your options with them. They also have powers to remove the abuser from the house and prevent him from contacting you.
- You could look into renting elsewhere, taking the children and going.
- You can ask him to move out. Perhaps contact the police, explain the situation and have him escorted from the premises if you feel unsafe doing that alone.
These are your options unless NI has other options I'm not aware of. You have been given the contact details for Gingerbread up thread and you can look it up online. Gingerbread can give you information on life as a single parent and everything that entails, for example, what benefits you are entitled to, maintenance, child contact arrangements etc
You have also been given the details of a free legal advice organisation in NI who can either advise on your legal options or signpost you somewhere that can.
You have also been given the details of a free general advice line in NI that can answer many of your questions on for example, benefits, child maintenance, paying for rent or a mortgage and finding a solicitor.
I don't know why WA refuse to discuss any of this with you; the only possibility is because they believe it may put you at risk to do so because your husband is always there