He and your family before have destroyed your self confidence and eroded your boundaries. Because nobody deserves this, so I know, as does everyone else on here, that whatever you think of yourself, you do not deserve to be treated like this.
You said you wouldn't get a chance to even call legal help without him noticing. That immediately shows he is controlling. In a healthy relationship you would be able to go off for appointments, phone calls, and the other partner wouldn't know unless you told them.
Trying to persuade you into sexual contact on your way home from A&E is atrocious, children there or not. I too came out of A&E a couple of weeks ago, and sex was the last thing on DH's mind, even now he's waiting for me to make the first move, if he thinks of it at all. A decent husband would care most about your health and well-being.
You say you don't want/deserve his money in a divorce, and yet it sounds like you've given up your chances of a career in order to have his children. Therefore you deserve to have an appropriate share of the house, savings etc. He's obviously trained you over the years to think of your contribution to the family as being negligible, whilst he poses as the big provider. You've been at home bringing up his children. You deserve recognition and recompense for that, because it will be difficult to get back in the workforce after, and taking time out does damage your career.
It's going to be hard to recognise that you've gone from one abusive situation to another, because it sounds like you've never experienced a healthy relationship. But there are decent men out there, the majority do not act like this.