Please help just discovered husbands 2nd affair

[longhaulstress]

I knew something was off. I'm now sitting a few roads away with his phone and have found a massive messaging spree with someone he used to work with who knows us both. Bought us presents when our dc was born.
Sounds like they've met up a few times and kissed/ lots of can't wait to sleep together stuff.

He had an affair 5 years ago we split for 18 months and he spent every week begging for another chance and saying sorry we tried again we have 3 young dc and I wanted to believe he'd changed and now he's done it again.

Please help me.
what do I do now?

I'm so sorry. Screen shot absolutely everything and send it to your phone.
Go through every app and picture, email, internet history.

You can’t let your kids wake up to find their mum gone.

Go home, try and get some sleep and in the cold light of day tell him to leave for a few days. You need some space to decide how to proceed without him there.

What is due to be happening tomorrow? Does he go to work?

Take a breath and try to sleep.
You don’t need to make decisions now.

He's in work tomorrow I'm on a day off all kids at school. I'm not staying out all night I just need to read as much as I can/take photos.
I'm shaking so much.
I told my friends and family in real life last time I just don't know what to do.

What do you want to do OP? In the long term I mean?

No matter the answer to that - get home, make yourself some very sweet tea, call your closest friend or relative and tell them what has happened.

He isnt your friend and you dont have to talk to him. You can ignore him. This is about you and what you want - he doesn't have a right to be the centre of your life ever again.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. You dont deserve it. Xx

Please make sure you are somewhere safe.

Where does he think you’ve gone?

You and your children deserve better than this. Take screenshots, save evidence then go home and act like normal. Get your finances organised and let him carry on with his big secret undisturbed until you are ready.

He was/is asleep I'm just absolutely stunned.

I always said that if he ever did it again then that was it. It would be over so that must be what needs to happen

It doesn’t need to be over at 1am though.

I’d try and keep it normal in the morning and get him out the door. Then you can decide what’s next.

You don't have to do anything right this second.

I was literally reading the thread before about what made people think their husbands were having an affair and I was nodding along and just thinking that lots of the things seemed to have started up again and so waited for him to fall asleep and went with the phone. I'm almost numb just can not believe it.

Been there and it is utter shit. Be brave and be strong and stick to your guns. Ensure you have support throughout whatever you choose.

Hugs and good luck.

God that's awful.

Like other posters have said, get as much evidence as you can off his phone while you've got it. Put it onto your phone.
I wouldn't let on you know yet. Let him go to work tomorrow so you've got the day to think what you're going to do next.

Sorry this has happened to you

Oh sweetheart I am so sorry.

All I can say is to echo what others have said. Photo everything. Go into the sent messages as received may have been deleted, but sent they often forget about, also call log on whatsapp etc.

Be kind to yourself and deal with this in your own time. You dont need to kick his ass out tomorrow if you are not ready and I dont recommend you do. I would have a think about the practicalities first. Work out how it needs to be with money, house, work etc and then present him with a fait accompli.

You currently have the upper hand, although I know it doesnt feel like it, so make the most of that.

Take care of yourself first and foremost

I'm sorry this has happened OP.

Firstly, if he wakes and discovers you have his phone, will you be safe? Has he ever been aggressive or violent towards you? If so I'd call a trusted friend or family member to go home with you and collect the children and go to theirs.

If that's not a worry for you I second getting all your evidence then deleting all indications of screenshots and sent mail/messages from his phone then waiting until he's gone to work before doing anything.

Go home and throw him out no second chances

Don’t tell him. Get your ducks in a row. Get finances in order. Put away some money. See a solicitor. Then, once you have all the financial aspects sorted, decide what you want to do.

I’m so sorry OP. It sucks to be cheated on once but then again after trusting them again. Ugh.

Didn't want to read and run: hope you're okay OP :(

Lady, keep your powder dry. While you have time to yourself tomorrow get your documentation together and your hands on the money. Wage slips, pension docs, bank accounts et cetera. He’s had this knowledge for some time and you haven’t, therefore he’s stolen a march on you. You need to catch up and work out your next move. Don’t act in haste, act when you’re ready

I’m so sorry.

@Winterlife has given very good advice.

Oh God, poor you. Yes to PP saying read and screen shot everything and send it to yourself. Then there is no chance of him gas lighting you.

Time to get your ducks in a row, especially financially as it's quite clear he has no respect for you. No one gambles with something they are NOT prepared to lose. Up to you but if you stay, say goodbye to your self esteem and prepare for a lifetime of instability as he can never be trusted again. Also consider what lesson you are teaching your kids about letting someone devalue you. So sorry OP

I came here for advice on my son not getting allocated his chosen secondary school which I’m sitting here bawling about, and your problem is so much bigger than mine, way way bigger, and it’s helping me put things into perspective. I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through