what affair signs did you see?

[Harpersjazz]

I’m in the aftermath of finding out about my husbands 5 month affair (emotional and physical) and I find it fascinating some of the times my intuition took over!

I started to feel like something just wasn’t right and then In the last month my intuition went crazy! We were having a fun afternoon doing our big Christmas food shop and he was at the end of the freezer aisle texting. I wouldn’t have given that a second thought 6 months previous but I went all cold and my stomach flipped and i just knew there and then he was texting someone else romantically.

He also got a lovely jumper for Christmas which he told me was from his mum. She buys him clothes and aftershave etc so it shouldn’t have been weird but again it was like this little alarm bell went off. Turns out OW bought it for him.

There were a few more too. I’ll always trust my instincts more in future. Have you ever been cheated on and got a weird feeling from non obvious cliche stuff?

For me it was when his stories started becoming more elaborate and the day he tried to pack me off on holiday (all paid by him) because in his opinion 'I needed a holiday'

About a month later I found your about his year long affair!

Sorry that was a holiday for me to go on alone (that's normal I've done a lot of solo travelling)

Him letting me go alone and paying for it.....a very different matter!

@Zaphodsotherhead
That’s similar to what happened to me. What was the outcome for you? Did he end up with the woman?

Started wearing skinny Jean and Converse - he had a 40inch gut - he looked like a fucking planet on toothpicks.

OMG I’m dying 😂😂😂

He drove to the gym. About 300m away. Obvious really.

@DilemmaADay
@OhamIreally

How spiteful.

I was merely trying to say that there are good men out there and not everyone cheats. It’s otherwise a depressing thought isn’t it and what would be the point in relationships.

My intention was not to ‘brag’. I explicitly stated my husband is lovely, but not the only lovely man out there. It may indeed have been misjudged, but I felt I was trying to give ‘hope’ to people who have been treated like shit.

I apologise profusely if my words hurt anyone as that was not my intention. However, I did not set out to be bitchy as some people clearly have.

@DBML don't worry about it, it's not you there are just some spiteful people on this site who will criticise no matter what.

@katy78

No he didn't. She barely even knew he existed, he'd built up a few friendly exchanges at work into her being really interested in him and falling in love with him. She was, apparently, quite upset when he sent her an email telling her he wanted to move in with her...

I'm convinced it was a manifestation of some form of mental illness, but then, everyone whose partner has an affair is convinced they are mentally ill at first, aren't they?

He left me anyway. Decided that his 'falling in love' with someone else meant that our marriage wasn't working. No idea where he is now or how many other people he's put through the wringer since.

I've just gone through this, I am absolutely devastated as I never saw it coming!
He came home on the Wednesday and said he wasn't happy, swore blind no one involved on the Saturday told me about her! It was the same woman from 4 years ago was 7 months pregnant at the time with our youngest, this time I thad only been 2 weeks but they love each other...
He's just moved out, I'm sure when I look back I'll notice things.

@DBML I apologise for being harsh, thank you for giving hope to those who have been betrayed :) I know your intentions were good

All blew up in his face in the most spectacular way

@outofyourhand Glad to hear it. I'd be interested to know the details.

Monty09 I’m so so sorry. I don’t even know how I would begin to cope in that scenario. I hope you have some support. It sounds ridiculous so i hope you know what I mean when I say this but it is best he is telling you that if that’s how he feels. Utterly devastating but at least he isn’t telling her that but not you. I don’t have any good advice but am here to talk

@NoMoreDickheads It became very public very quickly and he lost a lot of friends. The 'image' he likes to portray to people of himself has also been irreparably damaged. He's a shell of his former self. Serves him fucking right

My key sign was now ex(H) keeping a mobile upstairs. He was decorating at the time. It took forever - i dont decorate so just thought it was quite tricky. At the time we couldnt get a decent mobile signal and I had come upstairs when he was giving the toddler a bath. Saw the phone and went all spidery. I looked and saw lots of text messages.

I kept quiet for months - lots more signs eg late working for a project that had been meant to be finished months before; sneaking in at night - sorry early morning - he had stayed with her for the evening; sudden weekend away - I came down to a note left on the counter; convoluted lies. The moods and anger - mustnt forget those.

Just a horrid man. Luckily the toddler is nearly adult now so any contact will soon be over for good.

It became very public very quickly and he lost a lot of friends. The 'image' he likes to portray to people of himself has also been irreparably damaged

I'm glad that people reacted that way.

He's a shell of his former self

@outofyourhand How're you keeping nowadays?

Being distant
Being over critical
Being touchy and jumpy
Phone got taken everywhere and flinched if I went near it
Took up exercise
Way more interested in grooming
Spending longer hours away from home
Any excuse to get away from me

@NoMoreDickheads Happier and stronger than I've ever been. And having bloody fantastic sex with my new FWB

Thank you, I have a lot of support in rl, but unless you've been there it's very hard to imagine what someone is going through.

I'm sorry for everyone who has been through this as it's the most soul destroying thing ever and it does make you question yourself and everything you thought you had. I just have to think of my children now and make sure there happy.

@monty09 💐 it’s the worst. There is light at the end of the tunnel though, honest

DP worked abroad.
Described and named everyone he worked with except one woman.
Suddenly ordered a learn-a-language cd say, Icelandic. That triggered my one memory of the undescribed woman being Icelandic.
For 4 years he had phoned at the same time every work night while he did a boring clean up job. Abruptly, no more nightly phone call.
I phoned his apartment one time and a woman answered. I thought nothing of it. Later he phoned me with an explanation. How odd.
I had to open his post in UK to tell him how much to pay his credit cards/phone etc. I still remember a one month phone bill being £1982(one thousand nine hundred and eighty two pounds)
I knew he wasn't phoning me! A friend said some wise words, "well he's not phoning his boss as they work together"
I was drunk one night and remembered this one month phone bill. I phoned from the UK landline and my mobile, the most used number. No one answered. (would have been 2am ish that country)
No surprise, I had a furious raging phone call the next morning from the DP.

I hope it gave him a shock seeing my number and our house phone number going to his gf.

I saw his engagement party on his facebook page. He never told me that he and I were over. Never told me he was getting married. Nothing. All I felt was relief. He was a violent drunk and a nasty, jealous, narcissist.
When I was seeing the signs, I hardly dared hope he had found someone else. It seemed too good to be true. So sometimes, seeing signs is a really good thing.

@JeSuisPrest Planet on sticks! I'm in Starbucks and burst out laughing!
Brilliant!

Still together?

@kcw1986 still with him?

This thread is sad and hilarious by turns. ‘Planet on toothpicks’ must be a classic, but I have nearly spit out my tea at the dog’s ‘nervous fart’ in response to a PP’s guffaw at the same thing. Human relationships can be so sad, but there is something heartening about a bunch of folk who will most likely never meet all sharing laughter about just how fucking ridiculous life (men) can be .

Um, I’m 50+ and wear ripped jeans from time to time. Shall I get me coat?

@DBML - I'm not sure why you've suddenly labelled my post "spiteful" it was only to point out your posts might be inappropriate. I don't see the "spite" to be honest.
@willowmelangell interesting you say you "hardly dared hope" he'd find someone else. Sometimes in the long term it can be for the best although it rarely feels so at the time. Looks like you had a lucky escape.
It just occurred to me yesterday that I haven't had a recurrence of an eye "tic" I used to get when stressed since my ex left over four years ago. Interesting that as it's obviously stressful being a full time working lone parent. Evidently not as stressful as being with ex...