what affair signs did you see?

[Harpersjazz]

I’m in the aftermath of finding out about my husbands 5 month affair (emotional and physical) and I find it fascinating some of the times my intuition took over!

I started to feel like something just wasn’t right and then In the last month my intuition went crazy! We were having a fun afternoon doing our big Christmas food shop and he was at the end of the freezer aisle texting. I wouldn’t have given that a second thought 6 months previous but I went all cold and my stomach flipped and i just knew there and then he was texting someone else romantically.

He also got a lovely jumper for Christmas which he told me was from his mum. She buys him clothes and aftershave etc so it shouldn’t have been weird but again it was like this little alarm bell went off. Turns out OW bought it for him.

There were a few more too. I’ll always trust my instincts more in future. Have you ever been cheated on and got a weird feeling from non obvious cliche stuff?

Withdrawal from our children was when I knew for sure. Our marriage was rubbish so none of the other signs mattered but when this happened I called him out on it. Still denys it and even claimed he had been photoshopped in to a photo with OW, made me laugh then and still does now!

This is both a sad thread and a hilariously funny one

All of the above!!!

Noticed he wasn't wearing his wedding ring, he said he had to take it off for work. It would disappear and reappear intermittently till he told me he'd "lost" it. I found it under the cupboard in the bedroom and happily gave it back to him. He wasn't happy to see it and only wore it a few days before removing it for "work" again.

Went to work one morning on a Saturday. He hated Saturday work but someone had to be there and we'd spend most of the day on the phone or messaging. This day he didn't phone or call, not once. I knew then something was up. Turned out he had gone out for the day with OW. First date apparently.

Nothing else really as I picked up on it so quickly. Due to a very difficult childhood and lots of moving about I am very good at picking up non verbal clues and tiny changes in my environment. No one ever gets one over on me.

Mentionitis. He liked to say her name a lot. When I asked about it, he told me he just thought she was a great colleague..and ohhhh, she has the same model of Jeep as his!

OW gave “us” a present when I was 9 months pregnant. Very odd grin when he handed it to me. Told me it was from her and “The Guys”. Right. I cut it up with scissors and put it back in the gift bag to return to her. (Kind of sad as it really was a lovely fleecy blanket)

Discovering all messages to OW has been deleted.
I have no soild proof as he denied everything, got angry, cried ect but gut instinct is very strong on this one.

Such predictable behaviour patterns on here. Fucking thicko cheating men.

My (now ex) DH:

• went on a stupid starvation type diet

• started smoking weed

• down the pub where the OW drank every night

• didn't pester me for sex / tell me to go and see a doctor because there was 'something wrong with (me)' when I didn't want to shag him

• started showering more than once every three days

• picking fights at every opportunity

• became 'depressed' and started taking ADs.

All blew up in his face in the most spectacular way

Picking fault with everything- yes! I sometimes even took myself off and actually wrote down exchanges we'd just had because I was completely baffled how they had escalated to him being so angry and me so at fault and upset. I know now he was just trying to prove to himself I deserved being cheated on.

I remember Ken Barlow having an affair with a cultured academic woman who lived on a barge and made exotic cuisine and one scene showed him coming back to Deirdre opening a tin and screaming 'beans for tea' or something and his face falling. Just a soap but It really got to me because I bet that's how my xh would have felt about me at the time yet I was clueless!

Oh I forgot the mentionitis and forgetting that he was a parent.

Do you think all men cheat at some point? I try to convince myself, that he loyal like his dad but I have read to many threads like this and I don't know anymore....

Wow it really is a common set of behaviours isn’t it, there should be a handbook!

Mine also....
Changed the password on his phone
Lost his shit with me over nothing, he was a real chill guy before
Bought new underwear
Changed his beard style
Spent lots more time in the spare room on his xbox because he was “tired” and just wanted to chill out
Frequently “missed”the train home or claimed it didn’t turn up or was cancelled
Took the last online feature off what’s app (I do this sometimes but I know know it coincided with when they started texting)
Would be “busy” every lunchtime when he previously would want to text and chat

He never came home later than one hour after work, went out at night or at the weekends to see her though. So unless my instincts kicked in and I became poirot I may never have known.

Sigh
But it was the gut feeling stuff that really shocked me, how strong my intuition was

@Ifonlywecouldwishuponastar

No, I don’t think all men cheat at some point.

His phone always being in his possession whereas before it would be lying around. “Work” overnight trips, when he’d never had to do them before, he wasn’t overnight for work he was at her house. Emotionally distant. Didn’t want intimacy of any kind. Much later coming home from work. His phone playing up - battery issues/reception issues which funnily enough he doesn’t now have. Moody, not interested in home life.

Once I got that gut instinct I also went full Poirot.
Checked the satnav history and mileage after overnight trips. He was staying at the OWs rather than in hotels.
Would get to his mobile before he got up - often a good morning text.
Checked his whatsapp. Oddly his most frequently messaged contact changed from a woman she name with a picture of her to a mans name with a scenery picture. Guess what, the numbers were the same and the messages deleted. Stupidly the call log wasn't.

He knew I was on to him so started getting more cautious. Leaving his phone in a different room, didn't charge in the bedroom, tried to do more with the family to throw us off the scent

@Mylifestartstoday
Exactly the same! He never answered the phone in the 'hotel' only when in the car.

Much what other posters have written.
Excessive phone use, especially taking phone to the toilet for long periods of time.
Never leaving phone along.
Being active on WhatsApp very late at night.

Suddenly getting "called into work" / "having to cover shifts" / "having to work late".

Suddenly going on days out for something to do with his hobby, even though his hobby is gym based and they'd never had days out before.

Increase in random nights out for mates leaving party etc (he'd never mentioned these people before)

Missing money (he spent on OW).

Getting very defensive when asked what his plans were on his day off.
Generally very secretative and then blamed me for being nagging / controlling for simply asking where he had been

@ceebeegee. Ah yes, the missing money. Never having money to spend on us, but I’ve since found he spent a fortune on her and her child.
Also, never using any holiday. Well he was, but he was using it to take her out. Pretending to go to work in his work clothes but taking his holidays to spend time with her

he looked like a fucking planet on toothpicks.

@JeSuisPrest I just laughed so loud the dog sat up to look at me and did a nervous fart 😂😂😂

@SuperMonkey your post made me laugh. I can just imagine him strutting around!

To all who think there is no way their other halves would cheat, I only hope you are right. I was there too, for 24 years of what seemed like idyllic marriage.

Mine started getting his arse waxed. At 53.

Thought it was a bit weird. And turns out, indeed it was!

Kcw1986 ha I love that - perfect 👌😀

Popping out for milk 😄 yes, as IF

The ones that dont cheat are the ones that get turned down.

Seriously.

Ask any woman who has seperated from her husband when their friends are all still together and she will tell you that suddenly all the sleaze balls come crawling out of the woodwork. Countless men who I would never have thought it of, husbands and partners of my friends ffs, have tried it on since I became single 18 months ago. The irony that I was the cheated on wife and they wanted me to then become the OW clearly passed them by.

I've been thinking about this today and actually its not so much what my husband did to me that has made me think all men will cheat given half a chance, its what other husbands did after we split up. And this is not me thinking a lot of myself, it happened to another friend, same men (and a few more who didnt try it on with me, felt mildly insulted by that :o:o). Between us we could've had all of out mutual friends husbands or partners if we'd been so inclined.

As the saying goes, women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Grassisgreener yes! The waxing! He told me he'd had a medical procedure and had had to do it for that! 😂🤣

(that well-known medical procedure of having an unpaid prostitute aka someone else's wife perform sex acts on him?! 👩‍⚕️)

@thegrassisgreenernow

I don’t think my husband would cheat...of course I can’t guarantee that. But I firmly believe that not all men cheat.
We can’t know until it happens.

But I refuse to live my life thinking it will. I’ve had 25 wonderful years with this man and I might yet have another 25 years...or more. I don’t think being hyper vigilant helps either. If a man or woman is going to cheat, they will find a way regardless. It’ll come out in the end and the pain will be the same. So no point worrying about it before it happens.