what affair signs did you see?

[Harpersjazz]

I’m in the aftermath of finding out about my husbands 5 month affair (emotional and physical) and I find it fascinating some of the times my intuition took over!

I started to feel like something just wasn’t right and then In the last month my intuition went crazy! We were having a fun afternoon doing our big Christmas food shop and he was at the end of the freezer aisle texting. I wouldn’t have given that a second thought 6 months previous but I went all cold and my stomach flipped and i just knew there and then he was texting someone else romantically.

He also got a lovely jumper for Christmas which he told me was from his mum. She buys him clothes and aftershave etc so it shouldn’t have been weird but again it was like this little alarm bell went off. Turns out OW bought it for him.

There were a few more too. I’ll always trust my instincts more in future. Have you ever been cheated on and got a weird feeling from non obvious cliche stuff?

Many years ago my (now but not then) DH was having an emotional affair. Literally the only sign i got was one day he hurriedly put his phone in his pocket and I thought it really weird. Even thought affair but then thought it a ridiculous leap.

After I found out I looked back and realised there were other signs but I'd not twigged at the time.

Rejecting intimacy - even things like hand holding, being away with the fairies with their mind clearly on something/someone else.
Just lack of interest and being detached.
I think it’s especially noticeable if you were quite attached before they start having an affair. You can feel them pulling away from you.

Yes! Definitely felt him pulling away, from emotional intimacy and physical- but it was so subtle...not obvious at all....

My first alarm bell was returning from a few days visiting grandparents and DH not being overly pleased to see me. I remember a few days later getting a lovely text about how he loved me and how lovely I was... he was seeing OW then and clearly having a guilty moment. So obvious now, looking back.

The usual

Stupid twat still doesn’t know about mine

Are you both having them simultaneously @kcw1986 ?

Kept smirking when looking at his phone. It was a completely new expression I hadn’t seen on his face in 22 years. I’d ask, ‘what’s so funny?’ and there would be a fraction of a second before he’d reply with some excuse.

He started to get impatient with me over very minor things. Like I’d say, ‘We haven’t seen your dad with the kids for ages,’ and he’d snap back that we’d seen him 6 weeks ago or something. Turns out his weekly visits to see his dad involves stopping off at the OW on the way home. If we went to visit him on the weekend, he’d normally miss his weekly visit and therefore miss his stop off with OW.

And other little things. He just didn’t have any love left for me and it showed in him being irritated by me.

He took his phone off charge in the kitchen when he went to take the bins out

My spider sense spiked. Noticed lots of things after that. Checked his phone a few weeks later. Bingo

Always trust your gut

@DealOrNoDeal80, yes exactly that. Signs he was detaching and rejecting any loving gestures like hand holding.

No

His is over the Ben though it produced a child an basically done with him and if didn’t have two DCs I would of left.

My affair probably wouldn’t of happened if OW wasn’t diagnosed with terminal cancer and I wasn’t expected to become earth mother and from and bear it.

Sorry don’t think so am not that much of a doormat

Getting a personal shopper and suddenly taking an interest in skin care . This is from a man who used to blow his nose on his toes shirt and proceed to wear it for another 7 days.
Rather a relief that he moved on actually ( in hindsight ) but was devastated at the time .?

T shirt even

Kept smirking when looking at his phone

Yes! Mine did a weird teenagey type grin. He also texted a lot more and received texts at times he normally wouldn’t. He would then glance at his phone and put it down. He was sometimes so involved in texting he didn’t hear me when I spoke to him and then snapped at me when I spoke to him again.

He looked awkward/shifty at times that should have been happy family times. He wasn’t affectionate with me. He spoke to me almost like I was a stranger sometimes - polite but detached.

He spent ages online where he didn’t usually before. He also took up hobbies that weren’t local and involved getting home late. He actually did do these hobbies but used the opportunity to see OW too without suspicion.

Another thing - he became obsessed with his weight, having not given a damn before. He wasn’t fat, just normal, but he started cutting down his portions and asking me how many calories were in foods.

He also started being strange about privacy and snapping at me if I did something that had been perfectly ok before eg if I went into the bathroom when he was in the shower.

Absolutely phone secrecy. Guarding it when it was on charge, taking it off charge to go to the toilet with it. Being ages in the toilet (like ridiculously ages).

Going to the shop (5 mins away) and taking over an hour and coming up with elaborate, over the top excuses like somebody punched someone and he was a witness for the police. The automatic doors wouldn't open and they were all locked in.... I mean....!!

The very obvious "over time at work".... and just barely being at home.

Being a lot quieter.

Started taking his phone with him to the bathroom. Bought me little presents he thought I'd like when he'd never done that before. I was working away from home for some of that time and would always ring him every evening to have a catch up chat. He started to not answer, saying he had had 'an early night'. This happened enough times for me to think something was up. Looking to confirm my suspicions, I looked through his briefcase one day and found a packet of condoms. As I was on the pill at that time, that was the clincher....

I’m
Sorry I know I shouldn’t have but the “We all got locked in the shop” one just made me giggle, how ludicrous

Yes sometimes I would call
And it would say he was “on another call” but he would insist that he wasn’t...it was a reception problem...

You're right though, Harpersjazz. Our intuition is usually right.

• phone secrecy
• taking up exercise
• "working" in his study of an evening a lot more.
• me thinking he was having a nervous breakdown (he was actually guilt ridden)...

Ho hum... 4 years ago now. And he's now my exh ... silly, silly man...

He started wearing clothes that you'd see a 20 year old wear (he was 40s), whitening his teeth, going to the gym twice a day, phone was glued to him, all the usual really.
Oh and criticising everything about me, my cooking, my taste in music etc

In his mid 50s and buying ripped jeans
Texting out of the room, and jumpy when anyone approached.
Always sent a message just before turning his phone off in the evening.
Started working away weekly and couldn't be reached in the evening. (Excuses about phone battery/phone reception).
Wouldn't join the family location sharing app.
Always came home looking tired after a night away.

This thread makes me sad. What's the point of even getting married if people just end up cheating? Seems like everyone is playing about these days :(

Yeah its certainly made me feel similar

I dont think I have come across a single marriage that hasnt been affected by some sort of cheating, physical or otherwise. Some survivved most didnt, I agree that there is absolutely no point in getting married, why put yourself through it?

Staying resolutely single.

I should add that I have been married twice and the last one was the biggest cheating lying piece of shit ever.

Not going to make that mistake again.