New boyfriend is ex-addict

[Gina3333]

Hi, just looking for some advice really,

My new boyfriend has a bit of a past. He was involved in drugs and prison. He hasn't been in trouble with the law for 20 years, and has been clean from heroin and other drugs for many years, although he is still prescribed methadone. The way he explains it, it's a medicine, and is no different to being prescribed painkillers for a sore back. I only see the boyfriend on weekends when my child is away with her father, and at the moment there are no plans to introduce my boyfriend to my child. He lives in his own flat, and I live alone with the child.

My family aren't too thrilled about the situation and are telling me I'm going to lose my child. Just to be clear, there are no drugs anywhere near my home, my house is spotless, my child is well cared for, goes to a good school, is always clean and nicely dressed etc. etc.

Just wondering if anyone has any experience in a similar situation. Can child services come and investigate me? Can the child's father challenge for full custody? What happened and what did you do? This is really stressing me out. thanks

I agree with Living DGUK, she has summed up the situation exactly. A very unwise relationship given that you have a child.

Utterly selfish and poor parenting.

Wtf. Seriously? You bring an addict into your child's life? Willingly and knowingly? Sometimes I think I've read it all on here and then a new batshit OP pops up and I'm once again astounded. Are you that desperate for a man that you're willing to inflict an addict on your child? Give yourself a slap and get done therapy to work on your self esteem and relationship bar. If this is real; I'm not convinced anyone could be this stupid and desperate.

As a ex heroin addict, clean for 11 years, off prescription substitute for 10 years. I’d stay well clear, especially as you have a child. I would strongly suspect that he occasionally (or possibly not so occasionally) is still using heroin. I’d be very surprised if someone felt it necessary to stay on methadone for 5 years if they were totally clean.
I’d also be concerned about the kind of people he was associating with, especially as he’s been in prison in the past. As others have said, is it really worth the risk, when there are billions of other men to choose from?

5 years on a meth program doesn't sit right with me?! It seems a VERY long time to be scripted.

Not at all. It's really common for people to be on it for many many years. We have several addicts who I come into contact with weekly who have been on methadone for over 20 years.

The red flag for me is him still being on methadone

THIS ^^

I have a few old friends who became addicts & are fully recovered fir years, but they would never have considered themselves recovered whilst still on the methadone program. He is a recovering addict, not an ex addict. That's a whole different kettle of fish & with kids involved I personally was avoid

When you're a parent you have a responsibility to your children to keep them as safe as you possibly can. Including not dating methadone addicts with criminal records.

Find someone better. If you don't think you deserve better, than at least know that your DC does.

Find someone better. If you don't think you deserve better, than at least know that your DC does.

Totally. Don’t prioritise your fanny gallops above your DC’s childhood.

Ffs op you must be crazy to not see this has disaster written all over it. A heroin addict as a new step daddy what could possibly go wrong!!!

Sorry OP I’m sadly also of the option that he is an addict, not an ex addict.

Before I may have been more positive and seen it as a step to recovery. However I’ve now had quite close experience of an ‘ex addict’. Sadly methadone doesn’t in any way mean you aren’t an addict. You are just a heroin addict currently using methadone. Always one tiny step, one wrong encounter, away from going back to heroin. Until he is actually an ex addict I wouldn’t risk it.

Put your bloody child first and walk away.

Although I don't believe for a second you're going to do this.
You're going to stay. You're going to fall madly in love with a man who attracts you with his 'vunerabilities'. He's going to relapse. And you'll be back on here, stuck with a druggie, messing up your kid and begging for help.
And you'll get zero sympathy from me.

@carlyclock

Not at all. It's really common for people to be on it for many many years. We have several addicts who I come into contact with weekly who have been on methadone for over 20 years.

Do these addicts have regular testing to see if they’re still using, because I suspect they probably are to be honest.

My dbro was a heroin addict whilst he never went to prison, he was heavily addicted, he lost out on his 20s he's been clean for 18 years, he never relapsed or been on a methadone programme. I'm all for giving people a chance but the fact hes still on methadone would concern me.

Do these addicts have regular testing to see if they’re still using, because I suspect they probably are to be honest.

You are not wrong. They often use as well.

I thought you’d say that. I think that’s the very big difference, addicts will often be on long term methadone. Where as ex addicts are not, they don’t need it as a safety net, because they’re not psychologically or physically addicted any longer.
So I think OP’s boyfriend is still an addict and I wouldn’t trust what he’s saying.

One of my friends is a doctor in a deprived area and does a lot of methadone prescriptions. She says most people dont come off it as it's not addressing the issues that led to the addiction - that often requires extensive therapy and the nhs doesnt have the resources for this. Also she said methadone is basically heroin but controlled dose and no hidden nasties like street drugs - so basically it stops addicts overdosing or being affected by impurities in heroin but doeant actually really help the addiction. In theory people are meant to gradually reduce the dose but in practice it doesnt happen often

Why was he in prison?

@Mrskeats OP said on page 1....he robbed a warehouse.

Oh right sorry i missed that bit.
Definitely no then.

@Mrskeats Sorry, that last comment of mine could sound sarky. That wasn’t my intention.

That's ok clangus
The op has disappeared I think.

Oh aye, a while ago. Probably couldn’t stand the fact that not one person thinks this is a good idea.

how much methadone is he being prescribed, and how many milligrams is he on, per day? That matters. If he's just taking a maintenance dose, and is tapering down his daily intake as part of a program, great. That he's been on methadone for so long, not so great. Suggests that he's not that committed to not using. Long-term methadone users are usually just committed smack-heads.

If you're committed to getting clean, you can do it in six months/two years, depending how bad your addiction was.

I'd be mega-cautious here, and I wouldn't be introducing him to your child, or move in with him, until he's been clean, properly clean, which means no methadone, for at least two years.

personally, I'd give this guy the swerve, and find one who wasn't a junky ex-con.

where I live, most methadone prescriptions mean daily attendance at the pharmacy. Otherwise, people sell it, they drink it all in one go, etc. Is that what he does, too?

smackhead ex-jailbird... say it out loud a few times. No wonder your family are not happy. I'd want more for my daughter or sister, too.

I was once involved with an ex-alcoholic.
That went well

I've known numerous junkies. The key thing they told me was methadone is even worse than smack. It is harder to get off than heroin, cos it's stronger. Run, darling, fast and far. He can only offer you pain.