Can't believe it

[mugoverandover]

Sitting acrosss the front room from my "DP",
I've been suspicious for a while, last night when he was asleep I linked his Facebook to my phone, right this second I am on it and so is he, messaging another girl,
I'm furious our 8 year old DS is sat in between us I want to lose my fucking shit! He asked her if her daughter is sleeping out this weekend, she said no and he said ok babe!
I'm shaking, I don't know if to tell him I know or to keep watching for a day or so to see what they say 😭😭😭😭

Let me get this right.

You're sitting there in the same room as your DH, reading messages between him and another woman, with your child sitting inbetween you both and you're updating Mumsnet about it?

That's beyond weird.

Put the TV on for your child, tell him mum and dad need to talk. Take your DH upstairs and discuss it with him.

I'm assuming you've seen messages that point to him either having an affair, or about to embark on one?

I live in a flat, I'm not sure I could keep it at a normal level, I had suspicions because he all of a sudden has a password and phones always on silent

Are you married? I would keep an eye on it for a while and see what stage their relationship is. In the meantime I would start gathering financial documents and looking into how much child maintenance would be etc

Has he been going to meet her?

I wouldnt say a word yet, I waited a few weeks until I had their names, he was even posting them gifts online using our joint bank account.

What do you want to do?

Ask him to leave if that is what you want. I had to be on my own after I saw the depth of what was unfolding.

I would sit on it and watch what his next move is.

No not married and the house is in my name, I feel sick I can't do anything while DS is here

I don't know if he has met her there was only a couple of messaged now they are deleted, I want to wait to have more evidence even though I don't even need any

Not married and house is in your name? Ask him to leave. You know what you've seen.

Exactly this thing happened with me couple of years ago... Idiots
Sit down next to him and show him the message without saying nothing... Then open the front door for him!!!!

Don't tell him what you know. Say you don't want to be with him any more and ask him to leave you house.

He will always be left wondering why and you will know it is because he is a cheating swine.

You also need to consider this may not be the first and you better get to an STI clinic unfortunately.

Did you manage to get a screenshot
of the convo?
(Hopefully on a phone in silent mode)

Be strong 💪 Good luck 🤞

Yes got screenshot notifications are turned off on his messenger anyway

Did you manage to screen shot any messages OP? I would watch it for a day or two and then pack his bags

I wouldn't wait. That's plenty reason to end this relationship NOW.

I know it's devastating and scary but that's it now OP. Damage is done already.

You know he will laugh, and minimise it?

"°Its just a bit of fun, lighten up, if you weren't so boring I wouldn't need to do it" and all the rest of the blaming & bullshit will start.

Then they get angry as they realise what they will lose.

Then loving.

Then start doing it again.

Love what Andsbk suggests!

But maybe wait until DS is asleep for his sake and yours.

what a bastard... you did right to stay calm and update mumsnet for support ... rather than lose your shit in front of your child... as a previous post would clearly have preferred you do... stay calm and gather evidence OP... Im so sorry you are witnessing this happen before your very eyes.... what a bastard... 🌺

If you're not married and the house is in your name, then it sounds fairly simple to terminate the relationship. As pp have said, screenshot the messages as cheats swear blind that nothing is going on and never admit anything.

You can contact Gingerbread or take a look on their website to see about child contact arrangements, benefits and maintenance. Also check out the CABx website.

If they are sleeping together then definitely get an STD check as untreated STDs can cause long term health problems.

Get some support OP as being cheated on is a roller coaster. If you don't have any friends or relatives you can rely on, then perhaps look at doing some counselling to help you through it.

I would wait until they are next messaging then send a message saying 'you have 10 minutes to pack your bags and leave.'
But get anything you may need together first- bank statements for cms etc.
And yes to an STI check.
Good luck!

Bloody hell OP, fair play on you for not.losing it right there and then!!!! Bastard

Have you got a screenshot of these messages ?

I'd confront him and then kick him out, you know what you've seen, NOTHING he says can change that.

Be strong , how hurtful for you

I love him so much it hurts and I'm so worried because I will leave him trust me, but when he does and he starts getting laid by all these girls, I'll break I will literally break down, I have no friends only family, I'm so heartbroken and angry!

You have an 8 year old DS

Me & ex split up - sorry, ex walked out on us all, no warning, when eldest DS was 6 and he was JUST about young enough to not really understand what was happening and at least him & his brother had me there 24/7. Now eldest is 7.5 and I think it'd hurt and confuse him so much more.

What is wrong with these men? Why don't they fight for and instinctively want to love and protect their families, or work on trying to sort out the problems? They have it all and they chuck it away for nothing. And society makes damn sure we're the ones punished for "making the poor guy have to leave us".

In my opinion keep watching and see what happens. Its evidence x

When he gets 'laid' get ya self on tinder and have a bit of fun your self x