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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can't believe it

160 replies

mugoverandover · 22/02/2020 16:39

Sitting acrosss the front room from my "DP",
I've been suspicious for a while, last night when he was asleep I linked his Facebook to my phone, right this second I am on it and so is he, messaging another girl,
I'm furious our 8 year old DS is sat in between us I want to lose my fucking shit! He asked her if her daughter is sleeping out this weekend, she said no and he said ok babe!
I'm shaking, I don't know if to tell him I know or to keep watching for a day or so to see what they say 😭😭😭😭

OP posts:
Monty27 · 23/02/2020 05:01

@50ShagMeRiggins it was beyond me too. But felt too old to ask a silly question Grin

Mammyloveswine · 23/02/2020 06:30

@shagmeriggins yeah I was confused too..

Monty27 · 23/02/2020 06:34

@30Mammyloveswine not just me then. Thank goodness Confused

coconuttelegraph · 23/02/2020 06:41

Linked his FB page to your phone? What does that even mean?

Glad it's not just me who can't understand how this all works. I wish I could remember my password to sign in on another device, could someone explain how to link

Alfiemoon1 · 23/02/2020 08:27

You can delete the message from his side so he won’t see it. So did you send her a message acting as him saying he won’t be contacting her again as getting back with you ? Hopefully she will realise you know and block him but that still doesn’t excuse the fact he was actively trying to cheat and may of cheated

Alfiemoon1 · 23/02/2020 08:30

I think the op has logged in to Facebook messenger as him using his log in details on her own phone or laptop hence why she is seeing his messages

BIWI · 23/02/2020 08:36

Why are you playing games? Why message the OW? It's your partner you should be talking to!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 23/02/2020 08:36

Why wait a few weeks? Who wants to live like this. He'll be off like a shot as soon as he is confident he has someone else to go to.
I agree with the other posters , just tell him you don't want to be with him anymore. Habe his stuff packed and ready to go. Don't bother mentioning what you've seen , scumbags like him will only twist it back on you anyway. You're better than this !

Stressheadme123 · 23/02/2020 09:01

Sounds like you are trying to scare her off and keep him for yourself...

Original poster
mugoverandover · 23/02/2020 11:13

I logged into his messenger on my phone,
I said I was his ex to her because he's obviously told her he is single and I don't want to sound like he's chose her over me,

He knows and he has cried and said he doesn't know why and he's sorry and he's messaged the girl saying he's sorry he shouldn't of been talking to her because he had a girlfriend, don't know what to do now feel like one big mess

OP posts:
Babooshkar · 23/02/2020 11:26

🤦🏻‍♀️

Cinderemma · 23/02/2020 12:46

I'd be telling him to do one. He sat next to you and your child and was messaging someone else asking if she had kids this weekend!! He has Zero respect for you or you DC

Ozziewozzie · 23/02/2020 12:55

They often do cry.
So, he’s feeling sad he’s been caught. He wasn’t sad last night when messaging her, was he. You’re assuming they haven’t had sex. I really don’t think it matters. His attention and emotions were clearly on her as opposed to you.
He is sorry....sorry he was caught!

Now he will be telling you how much he loves you and how sorry he is and he’s been an idiot. But you have to remind yourself that he’s only telling you this because he’s been caught. If he hadn’t been caught, he’d be texting her still and meeting up.
He’s now scared of losing you when he doesn’t have anything secure to go to. That’s classic of cheaters. They genuinely want the best of both worlds. Always sad with tears when they get caught.

BumbleBeee69 · 23/02/2020 12:59

He did it because he wanted to do it... it's that simple

Whatisthisfuckery · 23/02/2020 13:03

Oh well, you’ll have to wait until he does it again now, and you’ll have to find another way of catching him out as he’ll be really careful next time.

NightsOfCabiria · 23/02/2020 13:06

A lesson in how not to deal with a cheat.

magoria · 23/02/2020 13:11

You want to stay with him (because you love him). That is why you have done it this way.

He sat in the same room as you and your DC trying to find out if she was alone etc.

He didn't give a shiny shit about you or family until he was caught.

He is not sorry he did this. He is sorry he got caught and his comfortable life could be over.

If you hadn't caught him he would have carried on. It may not be the first time. He may have met others you have no idea.

If you stay with him. You will never ever fully trust him and you will never know if he is messaging others.

Cinderemma · 23/02/2020 13:12

He'll be sorry, he'll cry, he'll tell you he loves you and that he wants to be with you. He'll somehow blame you for him being interested elsewhere. He'll go no contact for a while then he'll be back at it when he thinks it's safe again.

Original poster
mugoverandover · 23/02/2020 16:43

I don't know why I'm so naive I just feel like if I was alone I'd be even more depressed thinking about him having free reign of meeting people and at least if he's with me there's hardly any chance and I know that's a stupid way to think 😭

OP posts:
villamariavintrapp · 23/02/2020 17:20

It's also not true, he doesn't have 'hardly any chance' if he's with you, he does it right under your nose! Nothing to stop him now is there?!

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 23/02/2020 17:51

Trust me there's a lot more chance he will do it again now because he knows for a fact you can forgive him.

Sorry OP, it's over already. You don't have to leave obviously and some people don't, but you're in for more and more heartbreak.

You'll never be able to get back the feeling of trust in this relationship. You know he is capable of this.

He's so disrespectful that he was actually messaging her while you were in the same room, with your child there.

He's a wanker.

Do not waste your life on a man like this because you don't think you could cope knowing he's with other people.

You can be with other people too, and hopefully one of them will be someone to make you happy and have a full and happy life with.

nimsem2 · 23/02/2020 17:55

The trust has gone. Believe me you will never feel at ease again

Original poster
mugoverandover · 23/02/2020 18:06

I already know I'm a mug, please do keep telling me because maybe the words will hit home soon

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 23/02/2020 18:08

Why do you think he's such a prize? Do you really think no one else would want to be with you?

I think you need some counselling to work on your self esteem because if you don't you are going to keep letting him away with shitty behaviour and will sink even lower.

Nothing damages self esteem more than an unhealthy relationship.

BumbleBeee69 · 23/02/2020 18:10

He knows he is free to mess around now ...

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