AIBU to not like boyfriend showing up unannounced?

[Helloandhi]

Hey all! Long time lurker, first time poster.

Just wondered if you think it's unreasonable that I don't like him showing up at my door unannounced?
Long story short he lives very near me (which I have now realised is bad, will never date a neighbour again especially as our relationship is very up and down, I have seen potential red flags)
On occasions he has turned up unannounced, knocking on my door including when we were broken up for a period. I don't like anybody turning up unannounced to be honest, normally when I am home alone I slob about and look gross, I like a bit of warning to freshen up for guests. I have told him I don't like it, and didn't appreciate it especially when he did it when we had broken up/were on a break.

Today I had been cleaning and he said he would get something for me (which I did not ask him to) showed up at my door with it without warning, I was knee deep in cleaning so I phoned him to say I will see him and get the thing off him later, yes I know that it was weird of me to do that rather than just get up and answer the door. But I was covered in crap from cleaning and just didn't want to see him right then.

So he sounded annoyed and sulky on the phone about it and I wonder if I seem him later whether it will continue (we have had a lot of very bad arguments since the beginning of this relationship)

Am I being unreasonable to set my own boundaries and not like people including him turn up unannounced?! I have a history of more than one relationship of domestic violence, like my privacy and alone time and also current man has actually made me feel a bit intimidated on occasion.

Now I feel guilty and like I should just apologise for being silly and not answering the door. But I have boundaries and have never liked unexpected guests!

Thanks

Thanks all. It's just that I have obviously tried to do this before and we ended up getting back together. I know he won't take me seriously. He'll presume it's because I am on a low again and be waiting to see when we get back together. But I will try.

Is it ok to just block him after I send it? Cowardly but I don't think I can bring myself to read his reply and possibly may end in another argument.

I do care for him so much. I just know something isn't right, obviously. Plus I am not happy with my life in general and definitely do need to focus my energy on other areas.

Of course it’s ok to block him!

Stop asking for permission to live your life the way you want! I don’t mean on the thread :) but just in general.

Who gives a shit if he “believes” you or not?? End it. Block him. Call the police if he starts bothering you.

You CAN do this.

Of course it's OK to block him.

Something like "Dear x, I no longer wish to be in a relationship with you. This isn't up for discussion: we've done this too many times and I'm certain. This is why I am ending all contact with you, and I expect you to respect that. All the best for the future."

Ok, thank you. I will of course update when I have managed to achieve this.

Good. You're starting to sound more confident. Don't let him worm back in.

Make a list of all the little small things he has done and said about you / are reg flags / show he's overstepped the boundaries and is him disrespecting your No and boundaries.

They may all be 'small things' but they will start to build a bigget picture for you. Remember you're a boiled frog and he's starting off slowly. If out immediately into hot water, you'd jump off but he's sanity you slowly so you don't notice it so much and can rationalise all his predatory moves.

You said your last relationship was more aggressive physically, view each of the items on your list as an assualt on your psyche. He's a predator, you know this already, don't let him into your head, your bed or your life

Good luck! You got this and we're all here backing you!!!!