Am I being taken for a fool!

[keeptakingthepills]

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

That all sounds very annoying and one sided.

You are both paying to feed his children and doing the cooking? And he's being rude to you about it?

What do you actually get out of this relationship?

Seriously!
What does he contribute to your relationship.

Definitely a user and a cocklodger.
Never let an adult move in for free.
Why would you?
Would you move in with him and contribute nothing on a regular basis. No you would set up a standing order for a fair amount each month.
Throw him out.

Instead of panting up the frustration and "thinking" you should say this and that why not actually just say it to him????

I'm assuming it goes both ways OP. He picks up your children, runs them around, cooks for them etc? Just like you're doing for his.

Does he pay anything towards the food or bills?

You must be mad doing all that and paying for it.

I’m thinking the same as you OP, what does he bring to the relationship?
If you are paying the bills, including food, mortgage, internet etc., why is he short of cash?
Sounds like you have your very own cocklodger.

Well, he saw you coming, didn't he?

What on earth do you get out of this?

Also, men have hormones too. Don't undermine yourself by blaming reasonable emotions on your hormones.

He is literally living for free and has a new spare Mum for his kids?

Clever clever boy.

Yes you’re a fool sorry.

Yes you are being taken for a fool, since you asked.

I can only assume he’s very VERY good in bed.

What could "his side" possibly add to this ridiculous situation? He is a cocklodger of the highest order and contributes nothing to your life. Is this really the example you want to set for your children? What on earth are you doing with him? He is playing you for an absolute fool and you're allowing it. GET RID. Today.

Also, stop blaming your hormones, you are not irrational, you are being taken for a ride by a gigantic bellend.

yet another nice kind decent hardworking woman has been targeted by a cocklodger and ends up being the unpaid childcare for his kids.

Incidently,why does he live with you? Where was he living when you were just dating?

Oh, ffs, you are not hormonal. He's a cocklodger. You are paying out to keep this cock in your life. You are paying to have a boyfriend. Think about that. Money that could be going towards your kids, your savings, home improvements, your pension is instead being paid for the privilege of doing all the donkey work for this guy, his kids and giving him a shag on top of that.

Give your head a wobble. NO ONE is worth this.

'This relationship isn't working for me anymore. You need to move out (give him a couple of days at the most'. Do NOT let him talk you out of it. EVERY single penny he's mooching off you he is leeching from your own kids. NO man is worth this. Does he even work? What a loser.

What's the point in him living with you when you don't have dc together. You can still have a relationship with him. Just live Separately and keep your money to yourself and split the cost of dates.

This is financial and emotional abuse. Stop paying for him. Stop paying for his kids. They're his responsibility. It's not good enough paying every now and again. That's not how it works when you're a grown up with children. Just stop. He's cocklodging

OP, why do you feel you have to pretend you are fine about it all with him? Inside you are fuming, outside you are pretending that it is all fine and being pretend-understanding. Then you are pissed off that he doesn't know you are fuming and pissed off.

This is verging on passive-aggressive. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble... This is the No1 passive-aggressive song in the passive-aggressive hymm book.

It isn't fair to be testing him all the time in this way. Waiting for him to work it all out and notice how downtrodden you are, or whatever. It isn't honest and it isn't the way to conduct a mutually respectful relationship because nothing can EVER be resolved together. You can't ever move forward as a couple.

You need to actually sit down and speak to him.

He is a cocklodger - total fucking scum. He will bleed you dry and make you work for it.

Hormones? You definitely need more of them for a good rage.

You are paying his way and servicing his dc, while he sits drinking beer.

Omg. Think of the lovely holiday you and your kids could enjoy if you even stopped doing this for a month or two.

Then pack his bags and tell him to get lost.

Does he make you & your children happy?
Does he contribute financially emotionally & physically
Is this a positive relationship model for your kids or the opposite,
I can’t see any positives from this relationship, you sound very unhappy
I think you need to do some soul searching about why you are even with this man

I don't think you're being over the top. He's entirely too comfortable with this arrangement, which is clearly very advantageous to him and his, but seems to give sweet fanny adams to you and yours.

I think perhaps this relationship has reached its use by date. Perhaps best to bin. . . it could all get a bit poisonous if not.

Jesus so you're paying for him and his kids to live in your house, you pay the rent, the bills AND the food and he can't even be arsed to pass you some plates without moaning.

Ffs op that is beyond unreasonable. I'd be kicking his lazy, cocklodging arse out

He's a bonafide cocklodger!