Am I being taken for a fool!

[keeptakingthepills]

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

I have allowed him to stay is the fear of another failed relationship for my children to deal with

You are showing your dc, you are willing to lay down flat just to have a man in the house. If your fear was as above, he shouldn't have moved in, in the first place.

He saw you coming. 'Between' places, my arse, oldest trick in the book to get the feet under the table and then cocklodge. He's an adult! An employed adult. It's his responsibility to house himself in accommodation appropriate to facilitate contact with his kids. Short of money, haha. Yeah, right.

And the main reason I have allowed him to stay is the fear of another failed relationship for my children to deal with. Is that pathetic?
So because you've made the mistake of letting him move in, now you're going to let him stay until the kids leave home, is that the plan?
The longer he is with you, the more the kids will get used to him being there. How many years have you been together?

maintain a relationship
Why? why? and why?
Move him out and end it, he’s a user plus his nasty petty comments about your kids are out of line.
➡️🗑➡️🗑➡️🗑➡️🗑

I was in a relationship with a wannabee cocklodger. He told his child they were moving in 'soon', without consulting me! His child slipped out with the details including his Dad not having to pay rent at mine. He used to eat my food, drink me beer and contribute zero to days out, gifts etc. I wised up to his mooching and dumped him. It felt so liberating, and showed my kids that we are not putting up with a leech in the household. I suggest you do the same...

I have allowed him to stay is the fear of another failed relationship for my children to deal with. Is that pathetic?

It's ridiculous. What you're actually doing is making your children deal with a failing and unhealthy relationship and teaching them that it's what a relationship looks like. You're modelling their blueprint for a relationship. Is this what you want to show them?

So he does little jobs around the house but he teases me about “his list"
You said he does them if asked. Then he teases you. So he does them begrudgingly despite living rent free.

He does help with lifts for my kids if I can’t
If you can't. Not really a massive effort is it.

He helps tidy and clean up
How on earth is this on a list of positives? This should be a basic expectation of an adult living in any home. How low is the bar.

He is kind and calm with my children.
Again, this should be an absolute given. And he's not that kind when he accuses you of taking them on holiday too much. With your own money. Is he?

He does give me money when he can.
No, he gives you money when he wants to. He could give it to you more often. He just doesn't.

Those are the positives as well as the sex I guess.
Trust me, you'll have better sex with someone who isn't so fucking lazy and selfish.

If they're the positives then take a step back, a deep breath and wake up!

What are you doing?!

Just tell him that its not really working out. As you feel like you run around after his children, while he does nothing! Why would you allow this to happen?

He is a parasite with a bad attitude. Is this the relationship model that you want to show your children?

If you’ve got the money you should save it and take us all away (meaning I pay for him and his kids and go on one holiday rather than take my kids on 2 holidays on my own!) I actually can’t think he properly meant that and I’m hoping it was sour grapes and the beer talking

Oh he definitely meant it, the beer just made him a bit more honest about his thoughts than he normally is.

The father of my kids was a total cocklidger, he even suggested I claim benefits as a single parent whilst he was living there so that he wouldn't have to contribute so I did, but only after I'd kicked him out. I can now spot a cock lodger the minute they open their mouth.

Get rid of the cocklodger. Then do the freedom programme, your boundaries are so skewed.

Why are you paying someone to be their drudge? You’re doing extra work and paying for it, why?

Yes you’re being taken for a fool. And seriously is this the kind of relationship you want your children to end up in? Because that’s what you are modelling to them.

I pity you, OP. I don’t know why anyone would choose a man in their bed over their own dignity, but it makes for sad reading.

Good grief OP. I really really hope this post (and really the replies) are the wake up call you need to put an end to this. Why on earth would you want to live like this?!?!! I honestly can not work out why you would think you should put up with it. You sound lovely, don’t let this shit show be your life.

Sorry OP but you are showing your kids a very bad example of any sort of equal relationship.

Get some self respect and make him leave.

Why some people put up with being screwed over repeatedly, I don’t know. You can see what he’s like-why do you not think you’re worth more?

Just a word of warning-you are his cash cow and he is not going to let you go quietly. Who else is going to put up with his appalling lazy tight ways?

Does he have a massive diamond encrusted penis? But seriously...get rid. You're worth more than this and you know it.

You own the house? Ask him to get his own place. I can’t believe you’re paying for him and his kids, what the heck are you thinking? What does he do for you, bar live for free and get his kids paid for at your house? You’ve swapped an abusive relationship for a financially abusive/cocklodger situation.

This beggars belief... how long had you known him before you let him move in with you and your children?
I am getting astounded recently at the amount of posts where people have moved partners in to the family home and disrupted their childrens lives and expected them to play happily blended families.

OMG he's ripping the piss right out of you OP.. he saw your bank balance walking his way from 500 yards .... and still you accept.. they are taking money from YOUR kids OP..... WTAF are you thinking

Cocklodger

People end up in abusive relationships because they don't bin off partners who start behaving badly.

You are teaching your children that it is better to be treated badly than to be single. What an awful awful lesson.

Show your children that you are worth more. Let them see how to bin a shit partner. Kick him out. Fast. He can stay in a bloody hotel until he gets a proper flat.

Show your children that given a choice between a shit life and offending a man, offending a man is the best choice.

Do you know how you would tell him to leave?

Give yourself a break and end this relationship. It seems a bit one sided.

Is his behaviour the sort of parenting you always hoped for your kids to see?

Is he the sort of partner a daughter should aspire to?

To me he sounds like a waste of space and a really bad role model for your children.

My god just tell him he has until the end of the month to leave. You did not even agree to him moving in! It was supposed to be temporary!

So he does a little tidying up...and moans about it

His kids stay over....and he insists that one of them uses a fan

You want to take your DC away....he complains saying that you should take everyone away instead

You collect his kids after working...and he sits on his arse drinking a beer.

FFS, have some self respect and tell him he needs to move out. Your DC, are losing out because you are funding this loser and his children.

He’ll moan, cry and throw a tantrum. He’ll use any trick in the book to stay, but stand firm as you deserve better.

Christ on a bike, woman, throw him out!