Am I being taken for a fool!

[keeptakingthepills]

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

OP, what are you DOING!? Are you mad? What is even the point of him?

He is a user
And you are his victim
Wake up

Does he have a gold plated diamond encrusted dick?
Cocklodger in the extreme.

And even though you luves him and you do have fun times, tell him you would like to still be in a relationship (if you do), but that he needs to move out and provide for himself and his dc.

But WHY are you doing this? Why did you pick his kids up and then start cooking?
Obviously you need to talk, but also just stop doing things. When his kids arrive shout hi and ask how they’re doing from the sofa and don’t get up. Get on with your stuff, tuck off to the gym, read your Kindle. Let their father care for them, or more likely open and shut his mouth like a goldfish in the face of your lack of action.

He’s an entitled lazy sod. Enjoy.

My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food.
If this is the arrangement you've chosen, what's the problem? If you don't want this arrangement you shouldn't have chosen it.

His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
If you're happy to do so, then all is fine, right?

he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping.
Again, you offered and you claim to be OK with this.

Were you pissed off because he didn't hand you a plate the right way?
Or because you've agreed to all this stuff and are now wondering what on earth you were thinking of?

Smell the coffee op.
Ltb tonight. Your dc and you will be quids in if you do..
His ex is laughing at you - - so is he.

.

Oh my god, this is the clearest case of cocklodgerism I've ever seen.

Why are you doing this?

Why are you spending your children's money on this complete twat?

Why are you behaving like his children's mum when he's not prepared to act like their dad?

Go and get a suitcase and fill it with his crap now and tell him to fuck off.

You aren’t being irrational AT ALL.
He’s using you.
What does he bring to your life?
Wouldn’t your life be SO much easier if he just fucked off?

Oh god this is so depressing.
He moved in temporarily when inbetween rentals and he hadn’t left since. Or even bothered looking. He said that he wanted to he’d up living together anyway do what’s the problem. I don’t know how to get him to go and maintain a relationship on a healthier more equal level without offending him. Plus my kids are now used to having him around. He does help me when I ask him. So my real gripe is actually him not stepping up for his own kids when mine aren’t even here and I am getting irritated about the money as I work bloody hard and although I earn more I have large house running costs and damn it I want to enjoy my life, eat out with the kids and go on holiday without worrying.
He got annoyed with me because I’m taking my kids away at Easter and he said yeah you’re kids really need another holiday, your ex has just taken them away. If you’ve got the money you should save it and take us all away (meaning I pay for him and his kids and go on one holiday rather than take my kids on 2 holidays on my own!) I actually can’t think he properly meant that and I’m hoping it was sour grapes and the beer talking

If you’re ultimately happy with such an unequal relationship then it’s fine but if you want something more equitable in which your ‘DP’ respects and values you then yes you’re being taken for a fool.

What would happen if you instigated a discussion with the aim of making things more equal (financially and in terms of effort/ time)?

So you are supporting him, providing his food & a roof over his head, and subsidising his children, and he’s arguing about passing you some plates? If that’s right, he’s taking you for a mug.
Pack his bags and send him on his way, think how much easier your life will be without him.

I don't really understand where you benefit at all from this relationship.
I would be asking him to leave!

Cross posted but I don’t think that sounds much better tbh. He “helps” when you “ask him”? He expects you to take him and his kids on holiday? He has no qualms about living with you and not making a proper financial contribution?

If moving things to a more equal and fair footing would offend him then is he really the man you want and the relationship you want to model for your kids?

OP his time with his children is for him and them. He picks them up, takes them home and feeds them. He organises that time with his own children.

He doesn't sit there with a beer watching you cook and clean after them. He also pays; he's not paying maintenance for those days to his ex because he's meant to be paying for their expenses but he's not, you are. It's your gas, electricity, petrol. food and time. It's your weekend off. You should have your feet up while he runs around after his own children.

You have worked all day, picked up HIS children and he is sittting on his arse drinking beer ! i could go on but you know what you need to do

Oh for fuck's sake he really saw you coming! Wow-you support his freeloading ass and his children and he has the fucking nerve to complain about you taking your children on an Easter break that you are paying for? This is on par with a cat fishing scheme or a Nigerian prince money scheme!

So he doesn’t pay rent?
So he occasionally contributes towards the food......

You work full time
You pay 100% the mortgage
You provide free childcare
You provide a taxi service for his kids
You contribute to his ex’s finances
You cook all meals

He must be having A laugh. This isn’t a relationship. It is a hotel with childcare.

So he would have lived with you anyway eventually, would he? Just like that? He wouldn't have asked if you wanted to?

I don't mean this unkindly as I can far too easily imagine doing something similar myself, but I'm afraid that you've been so soft with him that you're never going to be able to set up proper boundaries now, with "I DO ANYTHING YOU WANT" written on your forehead like that. He'll never take the boundaries you try to set up seriously.

I don’t know how to get him to go and maintain a relationship on a healthier more equal level without offending him

Please, please OP, you are afraid of offending him? Can't you see how he wormed his way in? You can do better, surely.

This is a joke, right?

What does he have about him that means he gets to live a life subsidised by you? Seriously? If he brings you joy, excitement, stimulation, safety and peace then crack on. But I bloody bet he doesn't, given that he's a thoughtless selfish lazy entitled fuck wit

Well you made me laugh with his comments about the holiday @keeptakingthepills. Unless he’s got a golden prick, he’s certainly taking advantage of you.
He’s the ultimate cocklodger!
Watch out, he will be asking you to sign over your house to him soon.

Also on a rant now..... his son has to sleep with an electric fan on all night, as he gets hot. I’m like it’s winter can he please not have the fan on it’s using electricity and he just says.. he’s a kid and he needs it. It hardly costs anything. But it annoys me. Sorry am getting it all out. Can’t say anything as his kids here tonight

You're worried about offending HIM?! Why are you being such a doormat? Time to give your head a serious wobble. This situation is ridiculous.