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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being taken for a fool!

458 replies

keeptakingthepills · 20/02/2020 19:15

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

OP posts:
Isthisit22 · 22/02/2020 17:49

Well done OP Wine

2018SoFarSoGreat · 22/02/2020 17:59

Really pleased for you OP. There will be sadness and regrets in the quiet moments, but just let them be what they are. You've made the right decision for you and your DC. Well done.

Iflyaway · 22/02/2020 21:42

He’ll only be able to afford a room in a house share. Hardly the ideal place for seeing your kids!

But that is not your problem, as you know.

Good for you for standing up to a spineless freeloader him.

You have given your kids the best future role model by doing this.

I've been a solo mum for ever. It teaches your kids they can be independent, make a life for themselves and don't need to take no crap from no-one!

Wishing you all the best!

billy1966 · 22/02/2020 22:41

How does it feel having the house back OP?

SalmonOfKnowledge · 23/02/2020 10:52

Wow, well done, delighted for you that you got him to leave.

You showed your kids that having a man around at all costs is not paramount to you, so well done.

You have a decent job, your own house, your own kids who go to their dad's house sometimes, you have some freedom! some maintenance! some close friends! You're in the same situation as myself and I cannot imagine having a man in the house. It's not big enough! I must go on a tidying spree soon though.

You have thrown the sand bag overboard. Enjoy the lightness that follows.

Loving the sayings on this thread, eg ''nobody falls in love as quickly as a man who needs a place to live''. I must pass that on to my friend as she is concerned about her sister atm. Also, ''A leopard never changes its spots, it just finds new hunting ground''. Good ones.

SalmonOfKnowledge · 23/02/2020 10:55

@Iflyaway, I agree with you. My daughter knows I can fund a household on my own now. Our house is smaller than her friends houses, and a bit shabbier, the decor is very tired! She used to be awkward about inviting friends back but I said to her, this is mine, I own 100% of this not 50% of this. She gets it now.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 24/02/2020 07:50

Many congratulations, OP.

copperoliver · 24/02/2020 07:56

He wouldn't be living in my house. He'd be out the door. X

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