Am I being taken for a fool!

[keeptakingthepills]

Agh am irritated and having to hold it in. But am also hormonal so probably irrational.
So two things this week have f**cked me off with my DP.
So DP lives with me and my kids. My home I pay the bills and mortgage, internet, tv etc. I also pay the food bills. He throws in some cash now and again for food. His kids (2DC) stay every other weekend and one night a week. I feed them and cook and tidy for them. So far happy to do so.
But he’s been short of money lately and I’m the higher earner so I said don’t worry I’ll pay the food shopping. Then he tells me he accidentally gave his ex extra money this month as maintenance and then told her don’t worry you keep it. Telling me she needs it as doesn’t earn much and struggles to make ends meet. I’m thinking..great! So I’m basically subbing your ex and paying for your kids to be fed etc while they’re with me. He keeps telling me to stop turning the thermostat down as the house is cold but jeez I’m watching the bills go thru the roof!
Second thing that annoyed me is I worked all day. Then picked his kids up from his ex on my way home and walked in. He’s having a beer. I start getting his kids dinner. He’s doing nothing. I then ask if someone could pass me some plates so I can dish up. Instead he puts them on the table. No big deal so I say sorry can you pass them to me instead so I can dish up. He makes this massive arm flourish action passing me the plates. I say sorry is this a problem for you? He says you said set the table like I was being demanding! In my head I’m thinking you I’m getting your children dinner (mine are at their dads) and you are doing nothing and I just ask for plates and you act like I’m some diva. So I said sorry if it’s too much trouble to which he mutters away under his breath something about me being tired etc.
I’m
Just venting but honestly this last couple of weeks I’m thinking actually what do you bloody bring to the relationship? Obvs you’re only getting my side. I realise I’m being a bit over the top.

That last update had to have shown you that this guy has to go. On top of disrespecting you by freeloading off you, using you for childcare & mooching holidays, he is now telling you he's gone off sex with you?! He should be so lucky to have anyone deign to have sex with him. How you have any respect for him or desire to get him naked near you us beyond me. He is utterly repellent. It sounds like he is pushing you to see how much you'll take.

If I was your friend, I'd be there this morning telling him to get to fuck. Have you no friends in real life who tell you his bad this is?

Well done, you've got yourself a cocklodger. End the relationship and set him free so you can find happiness.

What a horrible man-get him out now.

He WILL put up a fight though.

Yes a cocklodger without the cock.

Has he come back to take his kids? Or are you to drop them off at their mother's?
If you are dropping them home take his shit with you and ask his ex to pass them on to him.

OP, you’ve mentioned your children. But what are you teaching them with this type of relationship? About self worth? About cooperation? About the fluidity of roles?

He is taking the piss and u gotta toughen up!

Minimal damage. No way. This is a big show moment. He won't go easy no matter what you do. He is obviously an entitled bully. He will say and do anything to keep his free stuff. Cocklodgers never go easy. Forget minimal damage. That type of thinking is what got you into this situation.

Instead consider what will be your grand gesture of definitive ejection.

If it were me I would make myself unavailable most of the weekend until his kids are gone. Then I'd tell him he is sleeping on the sofa tonight and he is to be gone by tomorrow night. The way he behaved in the last week was the straw that broke the camel's back. You don't want to be with him any more.

He will whine that he has nowhere to go. Airbnb exists. He should have his rental deposit ready and waiting, etc seeing as he was supposed to be looking for a flat. "I'm sure you'll think of something. You are not staying here."

Bold moves will make you proud of yourself when you look back on it.

Are you scared of making people feel pissed off with you? Do you know how to let a person be in a mood and do fuck all about it? You know like he does with you when you are tired and overworked from doing all his shitwork.

You need to tell him to leave. He's taking advantage of you big time and after reading the whole post he's turning out to be a massive twat leaving you on the settee, telling you he doesn't want sex .

You say, you are a generous person, but clearly not to yourself or your dc. You are avoiding conflict.

If you ever get to tell him to leave, he will try every trick. Promising to pay rent (then he will feel even more entitled to boss you around), tell you you are ruining his child access. He will explain it's you not him. It will get better, he just has a hard time right now due to x y z.

You need to grow a backbone, in the long term your dc are paying the price, because you are not assertive.

Don't let him hang about, he has had plenty of time to sort his things out. His dc can go to their mother and what he does, well it's up to him. Air B&B, a friend, a room, a hotel, don't feel sorry for him, he is grown and has had a free ride for too long.

Don't do things next month, what you can do today .

Minimal damage? You’re not linked to him by kids or finances, what damage can there be?

Just throw him out.

Did he come back to look after his kids? Did you get to the gym?

What a tosser he is! How did it happen that he moved in temporarily anyway? Did he have a house to move that fell through or did he get chucked out of his last place or what? How long has he been there?

I should think you are tired from working to pay for him, and from parenting his kids in your remaining time.

The children accepted him suddenly turning up in their home, yes? So they'll accept him suddenly not being in their home. They already know that relationships end. Don't make it into a drama and it won't be a drama.

I would use your morning off work (with his kids in the house ) to pack his shit up into bin bags. This is one of the clearest cases of cock lodging I have ever read on MN!

Jesus woman! What are you doing??

Where is your self respect?? This man is a freeloading cocklodger if ever there was one. He has zero redeeming qualities. You don't need him in your life, let alone in your home, so end this abusive relationship and get him out. You don't need to give him notice. He's not a tenant. Pack his stuff and tell him to leave. Change the locks and block the scrounger from your lives for good. Where he goes is not your problem. Where he will bring his kids on his access days is not your problem. Stop making him your responsibility.

When he's being unpleasant to you, ie letting you sleep on the sofa, saying he doesn't want sex with you etc, take the opportunity to agree with him that the pair of you are clearly not compatible and it's a shame to carry on like this when he obviously doesn't want to be with you and him moving out this week suits you fine

I feel so sorry for your children-what sort of a role model are you giving them?

Yes he is taking you for a fool
But I think you know that
You say your tired all the time, living with an abusive lazy bully , looking after everyone else, working , keeping house without help is sapping your energy. Because in your heart you know he is no good for you
At the moment you are setting your kids a poor relationship model, a man does nothing in the house or contributes financially & physically , whilst the women , works in and outside the home and is treated like a slave and abused.
He’s not even trying anymore look at his behaviour with HIS children expecting YOU to do everything he should be doing
It sounds harsh , but unintentionally that’s the seed you are sowing.

I think your self esteem is so low, you need to get help to help you appreciate and love yourself. Until you can do that you will always accept second best & you SHOULDNT ! X

The first step is to chuck him out maybe then you can actually relax and sleep - he’s sucking the life and joy out of you x x

be prepared to post again in a few years upset that you married him and now you want to divorce the lazy arse who has no job but he’s demanding half your house and assets.

Yup - if he's this happy living off someone else: he'll be equally happy to.taje whatever he can of their money.

This is no joke - I know of twoladies off the top of my head who've had to sell up and go into social housing (one) or raise significant amounts of money (other) to give payouts to user ex husband's who brought nothing to the table financially.

Your kids will recover and adjust - it's actually better for them to see you end an unequal relationship with someone taking advantage of you, it's a much better live lesson than to.see someone stay in such a situation.

Plus he's actually taking money from them - now and future money.

*life lesson

And a tired, stresse, unhappy, resentful, n
Martyred mum is not in their best interests either. You should be able to be the best mum you can be for your children . And he's preventing you from being that.

There are so many benefits for your kids in ending this, you can explain to them or not why you felt you had to. They'll learn respect for you and good lessons for future relationships ..
So don't et concerns about our removing someone from your kids lives stop you. Kids adjust v quickly - you might actually find they will tell you they're not particularly happy with him but could t be totally honest about that.

And as for image/failed relationship etc. - fuck it. Image doesn't matter - happiness fairness, healthy relationships, self respect etc is what matters.