But why WOULD you get married? Its just a bit of paper, surely?

[fillyjonk]

Why does a day out in a frou frou frock and a bit of paper mean so much to people?

For me what is important is the
relationship, which is what you work at day to day.

I know there are some legal/financial implications to not getting married, though some of these CAN be overcome, and others are overplayed. But anyway, I am not getting the impression that they are a big deal for most people.

Am curious here, no criticism meant...

MP - my dp wanted to get married more than I did (we were quite young and I was wary of over-zealous commitment).

He also wanted to move in together before I was ready to and I declined.

You have an alarmingly simplistic take on gender roles and gender relationships imo.

Maybe all the people that you meet are one-dimension stereotypes. If so, perhaps you should expand your social circle?

Or maybe you just try to make round people fit into square boxes so that you can hold on to your bizarre take on things.

NAO how do you know?

PW I am far more rock&roll because I am a Single Mum who still Has Sex sometimes.

MP is perhaps being possessed by the Dark Side of Xenia tonight.

I'm not married I am divorced i have my partners surname and call him my husband but have never got married

Why? because he said he didnt believe in it he is under the impression women get married change their mind ad get half his words not mine

and because I have been married before to a manic depressive I didnt know that when I married him it scared me for life, I would to get maried sometimes then I get scared

I thing marriage is a good thing it means something and you make promises to each other you should uphold
I couldnt though the going got tough he tried to set fire to me and DS, in sickness and in health ddnt work for me I Left

No madamez, it doesn't guarentee it. But neither does being with someone and not being married to him!

But it can make you stop and think (or at least you should stop and think if you take your vows seriosly)

and yes, you can do that and still remain unwed.

But it is my choice to have made a formal comittment. And guess what? 20 years down the line, tested by more crap than most people would see in 80, we are still together.

Thank god.

MP - methinks you are trying to have your (wedding)cake and eat it. so how come it is okay for you but a partriarchial and hierarchal act commiting other's to domestic/ideologcal drudgery etc. please do explain

despite your protestations and MN ruminations here you are indeedy married

MP looks gorgeous here in her "" MP wedding piccies www.mumsnet.com/Profile?nick=morningpaper&photos=p&o=1188936494212"

Surely there can't be any children growing up with the idea that marriage guarantees anything?

madamez, that's not rock 'n' roll, that is punk.

i dont entertain marriage
it is for nerds!!!! lol
I am 40 (in a few weeks) with an enormous bus even bigger mortgage 5 kids and a lover
'yes' I have been with him for 17 years but we rock!

DDF I don't need pity although it is very kind of you.

I pity the women who do the wifework:

Who does the cleaning?
Who does the laundry?
Who does the washing?
Who dresses the children?
Who raises the children?
Who runs the social calendar?
Who buys the birthday cards?
Who makes the lunchboxes?
Who packs for the holiday?
Who cleans the toilet?
Who mops the floors?
Who hoovers?
Who irons the school uniform?
Who organises the dentist appointments?
Who arranges the nice big wedding party and the nice big christening party and WHO - this is the trick question - gets the nice career and pension?

In the VAST MAJORITY of marriages, the man gets the better deal - because the marriage comes with an incredibly useful wife who will spend the next 50 years taking care of his home and children and his emotional needs.

Nice wedding dress MP, you looked fab in it!

Is the swimming pool a usual fixture our did it take ages to organise?

havent read the whole thread so probably copyin somebody so apologies beforehand.

We said we would never get married but then found out DS wouldn't get British nationality as I am Dutch. Never thought about that one so we decided to get married. DS still only got a Dutch paspport (must get on with htat!)

However my DH had a near fatal accident and if we wouldnt have been married it would have been the inlaws that would have been point of contact for ITU plus they would have made some of the important decisions at the time and not me.

really made a difference then to be a'wife' and not a girlfriend so in hidsight I am really pleased we got married (just us and 2 witnesses in townhall to much annoyance of some!))

MB: well of course marriage works out well for plenty of people, otherwise fewere would do it in the first place. I know happy couples who've been together for years both married and unmarried - and miserable ones who've suffered at the hands of partners both married and unmarried.

Mp, do you really think that in relationships where people live togetehr is still isn't the woman who does all that? I consider dh to be unusual among men, not husbands, in the way we divide up the work.

You did look beautiful btw!

(swimming pool I'm draining today actually, will take it down for the winter. Didn't use it much due to shitty summer but I think if it had been a hot summer I would have used it more. It was only 150 quid from Woolworths. Will put grass seed down on the bare patch I think - levelled the ground to accommodate it and to avoid having a deep and shallow end )

god u sound like a ranty socialist worker MP marriage is not solely task allocation and /or demarcation - dont gwt what has got your goat about this marriage business at all

simple if it is so bleeding bad why do it - but hey u did do Ms pot-calling-the-kettle-black you'd better get back to your long list of chores and inequitable wifely duties -heh?

mp its somewhat disingenuous to suggest that 'wifely' duties are not done by the woman in any other partnership!

If you are unmarried are you exempt from chores and childcare?

More fool any woman who hooks with a neanderthal guy!

mademez, so do I, as you say both wed and unwed.

I have do doubts in my mind at all that getting married was the best thing (kids aside) that I have ever done.

If people don't want to do the same, that is fine by me. Good luck to them.

I do, however get a little miffed when it is diescribed as 'just a bit of paper' when, for me and dh, it really isn't.

If it is for someone else, then it is for them, not for all married people.

I didn't get married for a dress, I didn't do it to feel grown up, I didn't do it to have someone make me happy every day. Dh sure as hell didn't do it to have someone to do the housework or raise his kids.

We did it because we love each other, and we wanted to make a formal, life long comittment to each other. And we've kept our vows.

And that is what gave us our marriage.

And that is part of what helps me to get up every day.

I getcha mb

no doubts!

I know this thread is off in a different direction, but what are the practical reasons for getting married?
I know about:
Inheritance tax (but we're not rich enough to worry about that)
Some work pensions
Fathers rights in general
All sorts of financial stuff if you split up (but we are fairly equal financially so not applicable to us)

Is there other stuff too?

Can anyone point me in the direction of Yorkiegirls threads on this? I have searched, but can't find them,

i got married because my mum died, i wanted a family and i thought i was in love. then i got divorced when i met the father of my three children. i didn't feel the need to get married again having done it once. I don't have the same surname as my children, but we couldn't be less of a family - because family doesn't mean having the same surname. when my ex fucked around on me and left us I was glad that i wasn't married so lawyers couldn't make even more money out of us. I don't think being married would have kept him with us rather than with 'her'.

I don't feel the need to be married, to belong to anyone else. I have me and I have my children. we are already a family. we are complete.

Don't you know any nice men MP?

Who does the cleaning? We both do
Who does the laundry? Hubby
Who does the washing? Same question as above
Who dresses the children? We don't have any
Who raises the children? We don't have any
Who runs the social calendar? We run our own and run each other/remind each other
Who buys the birthday cards? We buy together/for each other
Who makes the lunchboxes? We make our own
Who packs for the holiday? I do
Who cleans the toilet? Whoever pooed in it
Who mops the floors? He does
Who hoovers? I do
Who irons the school uniform? I don't wear one
Who organises the dentist appointments? We make our own
Who arranges the nice big wedding party and the nice big christening party and WHO - this is the trick question - gets the nice career and pension? We both have good careers and I will get the good teaching pension. He doesn't have one, apart from savings/shares. We organise parties together and we organised our wedding together.