But why WOULD you get married? Its just a bit of paper, surely?

[fillyjonk]

Why does a day out in a frou frou frock and a bit of paper mean so much to people?

For me what is important is the
relationship, which is what you work at day to day.

I know there are some legal/financial implications to not getting married, though some of these CAN be overcome, and others are overplayed. But anyway, I am not getting the impression that they are a big deal for most people.

Am curious here, no criticism meant...

Are you MrsFennel now? What a horrible experience though.

Tinker - absolutely not. Never !

And cos we haven't told most people no-one tries to address me as such.

I do liek the idea of if you're doing it because you feel you have to, just not telling anyone. I still think you shoudl be able to do it online

I do like teh idea of it being renewable periodically though. I could never see myself promising to stay with someone for life, that's the bit (well, one of them) that sticks for me. I can't even menu plan because I don't know how I'll feel later in teh week.

I agree, I find the idea of promising a lifetime commitment pretty unrealistic. But in the end I thought we'd been together 12 years, which is longer than most marriages last, so we did it as a sort or retrospective acknowledgement of the fact we had been together a long time and had children and might as well be viewed as such. Rather than any promise about future behaviour.

I just married him in case he died. so very romantic.

Fennel: sorry you had such a crappy time with the registrar, what a twonk!
Actually I agree with the people who say one ought to be able to get (legally) married online and then have the event/celebration of your choice - or none at all if you prefer. I rather despair of the ongoing discrimination in this area: Christian marriages are legally binding, but Sikh/muslim/hindu/jewish/wiccan/vaudon/(apologies to anyone I've left out) ones are not. So it would seem fairer to me to separate the legal aspect from the ceremonial/celebratory/rituali one.

ANd for people who are not christians, registry office weddings have, in the past, at least tended to be a bit municipal and even with a registrar's best efforts, not unlike queueing up to get your dog license.

You do NOT have to promise to stay together for life in a civil ceremony. That's what I mean by saying people are very misinformed about what marriage actually is.

and of course you can't do it online. It's a serious legal document. To declare my dad dead and get access to his estate I had to visit a municipal office and make a sworn verbal declaration. It's not exclusive to marriage.

Well...

... we got married so we could have sex without p*ssing God off...

But then am aware we're walking, talking anachronisms...

And, OK, there was a teeny bit more to it than that for us...

Not sure what all the fuss is about from those who are in a 'committed' relationship and want the legal protection/recognition marriage provides... so get married!? Surely? The bottom line is it's a legal recognition of your decision to live interdependently, and needn't be anything more than that unless you choose to make it so?

You can do it anyway you like, with as much or as little fuss as you like, and call yourselves whatever you like afterwards... so forgive my ignorance, but I really can't understand what the problem is?

Mind, you, any excuse to for a right good knees-up IMO... we did have a cracking party...

... and, well, the wedding night was pretty good too .

DB
xx

I got married because I was in love and wanted commitment and to raise a family together. It meant I could stop worrying about whether a better man was round the corner, or whether he was on the lookout for someone better. It meant telling our friends and family about it all. It meant we would see eachother through everything together.

I look forward to our anniversary every year. Without it there is no marker of the huge leap in the dark we both took, no before and after. I am really happy to be married. It's only been 11 years and three kids so far. (cheese alert)

Marriage is a legal contract that sets out the responsibilities that two married people have towards one another and towards their families.

You get married if you like the contract better than the non-contract situation.

Imagine the fraud that would go on if people could do it online.

Are people really so lazy these days?

FFS.

madamez, do you know whether those non-Xtian marriages involve the signing of civil contracts? Catholic weddings are binding not because they are catholic but because during the ceremony (usually at the end) the couple sign a "legal contract" which makes it valid, (at least in Spain), and then is presented in the Civil Registry. Basically, a catholic wedding is a civil marriage with a religous ceremony to underline it. A catholic (or any other religious) wedding were no civil legal agreement is signed would not be valid/binding for legal purposes.

I wish it really was a 'piece of paper'. I wish you could send off to some sort of bureau and apply for it, and then a letter would come through the door to say you were married.

I just hate being the centre of attention, and fuss and ceremony. And it would still feel like a ceremony even if it was in a registry office with two witnesses. But that's just me.

Yes, only CofE marriages have legal status. I got married in a Catholic church, and had to apply to the registrar for a licence before the event. Interestingly, I had to lie and say that the church I was marrying in was my usual place of worship (it was my parent's church) as you are not allowed to marry in a church that is not your normal place of worship. Although you can have a civil wedding in any old hotel or stately home. Anyone know why? And whether I am actually legally married despite my lying to an official ?

but you don't HAVE to be 'the centre of attention' in front of loads of people, you don't HAVE to have the frou frou frock, hair, make-up.

If you want to, you can book the register office, and turn up with just 2 witnesses (who can be strangers off the street if you like), and quietly do the deed. Commit to each other, formalise your relationship in legal terms, become married.

I reckon that is actually cheaper than making a will setting out what your partner
gets if you die unmarried (and saves tax in that eventuality).

TBH the biggest most expensive wedding I ever attended began a marriage that lasted 3 weeks, honestly.

Don't confuse the marriage with the wedding. And don't deny the advantages of one, because you can't see past the other.

I'm Catholic and had to qualify for a licence before the event too TellusM. And because I lived outside the registrar's district where I was getting married I had to live in a b&b for seven days and night to qualify for the wretched document! It wasn't much fun to be honest ...

If you signed the "register" during the ceremony Tellus then I reckon you are safe!!

btw it's difficult NOT to be the centre of attention during a nuptial mass however hard you try ...

Crikey, I didn't expect people to think I was being serious Dur! Blimey never underestimate teh humour bypasses on mn

You might not have to promise to stay together for life but that's sort of teh purpose. You don't say we'll marry til we divorce.

Ah now we didn't have a nuptial mass (dh's family are CofE and it would have finished them off).

I applied for a licence where we lived (in Yorkshire) and got married in Kent. SO no B&B for me, although we did get very stern looks from a completely unconvinced registrar, who left a pause after telling us the dire consequences of lying, presumably for us to break down and confess

Fennel - a long shot, but did you live in Spain for a while? I had a friend who had three kids and got married in the way you describe so that she and her partner could move to Spain with minimum administrative bother.

Tinker - I completely agree with your post about some women saying '"I was waiting for him to propose/I hope he'll propose" type stuff' and 'being permanently aquiver with with anticipation'. Some of my best female friends do this and it makes me crazy. If you want to marry him, ask him! Come to think of it, this is one of those little tics about marriage that makes me a little wary of it as an institution - something that perpetuates gender roles. (Disclaimer: I realise that at least 50 per cent of the women on this thread will have asked their DH's to marry them, or will have come a mutual decision in a thoroughly grown-up and self-determined fashion.)

Can;t be arsed to read the whole thread (), but the dress... gotta be the dress

re Jewish weddings not being legally binding :

yes they are!

you sign a civil document that has to be witnessed .. it is as legally binding as a christian ceremony, just takes place in a different place and in a different language!

i presume that the same is true of every non christian wedding ceremony

CofE wedding is legal when teh vows have been said, not when something is signed. that's the difference.

It's not a Christian/non-Christian thing. It's a CofE/everything else thing.

policywonk, no that isn't me, though I would like to live in Spain for a while.