But why WOULD you get married? Its just a bit of paper, surely?

[fillyjonk]

Why does a day out in a frou frou frock and a bit of paper mean so much to people?

For me what is important is the
relationship, which is what you work at day to day.

I know there are some legal/financial implications to not getting married, though some of these CAN be overcome, and others are overplayed. But anyway, I am not getting the impression that they are a big deal for most people.

Am curious here, no criticism meant...

Message withdrawn

Sorry I've just come back to this -
to answer your questions MP....
Who does the cleaning? Both of us
Who does the laundry? Both of us and our two elder children
Who does the washing? Both of us and two elder children help too
Who dresses the children? Whoever has the youngest at the time she needs dressing
Who raises the children? Both - most definitely
Who runs the social calendar? ?? Not sure what that means..if we wish to go out or are invited we check whether we widh to go and decide accordingly.
Who buys the birthday cards? We buy for our own relatives/friends and both choose for our dd's
Who makes the lunchboxes? N/A apart from the elder two make their own for trips etc
Who packs for the holiday?
Who cleans the toilet? Me ( but he cleans after himself iykwim)
Who mops the floors? Both
Who hoovers? Both and the two eldest dd's
Who irons the school uniform? I do no ironing whatsoever - DP does it all
Who organises the dentist appointments? Whoever is at the dentist make aa new appt if necessary
Who arranges the nice big wedding party and the nice big christening party and WHO - this is the trick question - gets the nice career and pension? We both are organising our wedding and we both have jobs and future pensions...

Can I ask, I don't know your story, but why did you get married?
Also the pity wasn't a patronising kind it was honest...I do feel sorry for people who have had life make them cynical and disillusioned to such a degree.

I think women with kids who are not the higher earner should get married especially if they are SAHMs, for financial security. Otherwise they will be left in the shit if their partner buggers off.

I agree that the whole wedding thing has become an industry. But I likes a nice wedding ...

Got married because, oh I don't know, lots of reasons but mainly because I wanted to. DH wanted to even more than I did by the time we got married.

I don't like Mrs though. Who wants to be a Mrs? Yuck.

Marriage might just be a "piece of paper" but it's a pretty damned important piece of paper. My answer to the OP, given that an expensive wedding is not a prerequisite to marriage, is why not?

I don't know what this questionnaire proves but I did it out of interest. Think DH should divorce me.

Who does the cleaning? Cleaning lady
Who does the laundry? DH
Who does the washing? DH
Who dresses the children? They do
Who raises the children? Both
Who runs the social calendar? Me
Who buys the birthday cards? Me
Who makes the lunchboxes? N/A
Who packs for the holiday? DH
Who cleans the toilet? Cleaning lady
Who mops the floors? Cleaning lady
Who hoovers? Cleaning lady
Who irons the school uniform? Cleaning lady
Who organises the dentist appointments? Me
Who arranges the nice big wedding party and the nice big christening party Me
WHO gets the nice career and pension? We both have jobs and future pensions...

I just got married, after 16 years cohabiting and 2 children. We finally did it because, for some reason, it was very important to dd1 (all of 4 years) that we were and there was no real reason why we shouldn't. Also DH didn't have next of kin rights over dd1 as she was born before the law changed.It doesn't feel any different but it was an amazing day (cost under £3000)and I do feel that it has added some extra cement to our relationship - just knowing that we both still feel so strongly about each other after so long, I think.

Weird being a Mrs though - I feel really fake everytime I say it.

For me, being married was, and is, liberating.

Gawd, too many commas in that sentence

I couldn't bear to go to life referring to someone as "my partner."

I also think marriage is so out of fashion, it's almost unconventional.

It's also one of the few significant changes in your life that never happens by accident. You can get pregnant accidentally but you can't get married accidentally.

It's funny and different and changes people's attitudes to you. It's an interesting experience getting married.

not out of fashion
I am the only unmarried long term monogomous mother in my childrens secondary schools that i know of
very isolating

That should have read "go through life."

I have not read the thread.

but for me it was a statement of love, commitment and respect in the presence of family and friends, to ask for their support in marriage and life.

I think it is very precious.

There are some pretty damned important pieces of paper in life: birth certificates, passports, wills, naturalisation certificates, marriage certificates, divorce decrees.

Good point Expat.

I think probably it depends how important the community is to you, or if you are an essentially private person.
I liked being in the middle of all the people I love, all the important people.
bearing witness.
I also like to be involved in rituals, I think they are important and serve an important purpose for human society

I'm sure I'm repeating a lot of people, but it's not about the frou frou frock and a bit of paper.

For us, it was about making a commitment to each other, witnessed by our family and friends, and celebrating that commitment with a party in the village hall.

It was about not wanting to live together without that commitment (I've been married 20 years next year - I know views on this have changed since we got wed).

Although not particularly religious, we both wanted a church wedding, can't really say why, it was just "right" for us.

19 years on? I love the guy to bits and am glad we made that public declaration of our commitment to each other.

Who does the cleaning? Both of us
Who does the laundry? Both of us
Who does the washing? Both of us
Who dresses the children? N/A
Who raises the children? N/A
Who runs the social calendar? Both of us
Who buys the birthday cards? Both of us
Who makes the lunchboxes? N/A
Who packs for the holiday? Me
Who cleans the toilet? Both of us
Who mops the floors? Both of us
Who hoovers? Both of us
Who irons the school uniform? He does all the ironing
Who organises the dentist appointments? We book our own
Who arranges the nice big wedding party and the nice big christening party? Currently I am planning the wedding - he chimes in
WHO gets the nice career and pension? Me by a long long way

Financially my partner will get more out of me than he can ever give me, I am more educated, more driven and on a much better career path.

Is it ok for me to marry him now?

I hate that expression 'it's just a piece of paper'.

As expat says, some bits of paper are pretty important.

Not interested in marriage but what does make me shudder (and I read it on mn a lot) is women saying "I was waiting for him to propose/I hope he'll propose" type stuff. If marraige is supposed to be an equal union why on earth aren't they both discussing it with each other, why is it some great unmentioned subject with one half (usually the woman) permanently aquiver with with anticipation?

Who does the cleaning? DH, mostly
Who does the laundry? I put it in the washing machine, he puts it in the tumble dryer
Who does the washing? -up? me
Who dresses the children? they do it themselves
Who raises the children? we do
Who runs the social calendar? none of us. we have no life
Who buys the birthday cards? ahem memories like sieves
Who makes the lunchboxes? school dinners. we fork over the cash.
Who packs for the holiday? do our own. whoever finishes first shoves the kids stuff in a case
Who cleans the toilet? dh, normally
Who mops the floors? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Who hoovers? dh
Who irons the school uniform? dh (oh dear, starting to feel guilty now.)
Who organises the dentist appointments? me.
Who arranges the nice big wedding party and the nice big christening party - didn't have either

and WHO - this is the trick question - gets the nice career and pension? - nope. neither of us. Not any more.... used to run a business together (so it used to be both of us). now he's my carer and between us we manage the kids (autistic)

I've just realised my poor dh has got a shit life.

I didn't really care about being married, my parents were married for 30 years and my dad ran off with another man (oh yes) after cheating on my mum all that time and Dh's parents are both on their second marriage with each other so I just don't feel it is important.
However! DH and I were trying for a baby and he got very drunk and really tearful cos he couldn't understand why i didn't want to be married before we had a baby, so as it didn't matter to me but it did to him we got married!
(and then discovered on our honeymoon I was actually 4 weeks pregnant the day we got married!)