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Original poster

But why WOULD you get married? Its just a bit of paper, surely?

313 replies

fillyjonk · 04/09/2007 19:48

Why does a day out in a frou frou frock and a bit of paper mean so much to people?

For me what is important is the
relationship, which is what you work at day to day.

I know there are some legal/financial implications to not getting married, though some of these CAN be overcome, and others are overplayed. But anyway, I am not getting the impression that they are a big deal for most people.

Am curious here, no criticism meant...

OP posts:
MyTwopenceworth · 04/09/2007 19:50

Didn't have a fancy frock, posh do OR a honeymoon! cost a couple of hundred quid for the reg office, outfits, pub meal and we blagged an evening do at our local!

We got married because we wanted to be married.

The DAY meant fuck all to us.

RubySlippers · 04/09/2007 19:50

i am married
can honestly say i did it for lots of reasons but not because i wanted a big dress and a big party
i wanted to be married before i had children
part of it was also religious/cultural reasons

binkleandflip · 04/09/2007 19:51

Lots of people like the wedding as opposed to being married

Lots of people are religious

Lots of people are pregnant with old fashioned parents

kitsandbits · 04/09/2007 19:51

I want to get married because I love my partner and want to show him I am committed to him and only him for the rest of my life.

I want to call him my husband and take his surname, like our children have.

I want to get married in church to thank God for giving him to me, for making me happy. Blessing me with love and a beautiful family.

I want to say those vows because they mean so much, I want to promise to love him forever in front of friends and family.

Cheesy but how I feel! lol

RubySlippers · 04/09/2007 19:51

my view has always been the wedding day is just that - a day
it is the marriage (ie the next 50 years) which is the big deal

NomDePlumeIsOffWorkToday · 04/09/2007 19:53

"No criticism meant"

Your title and OP are pretty aggressive in tone for one who means no offence....

LucyJones · 04/09/2007 19:53

I wanted us all to have the same name
I wanted the security of knowing we were married - it seemed more permanent somehow
Yorkiegirl is the one to tell you why it's so important financially I think
Mostly though, my other half didn't want to get married, he said it was meaningless etc etc, but he knew how much I wanted it so I said if it means nothign to you and you know it means a lot to me then it seems selfish not to do it for me

Slouchy · 04/09/2007 19:54

Look at Yorkiegirl's threads following the death of her husband if you want a non-fluffy answer.
A marriage is NOT a wedding day.

expatinscotland · 04/09/2007 19:54

We didn't have a day out with a frou frou frock. We eloped. And yes, what was important to us was our relationship, every day.

For us it's not just a 'piece of paper'. It's a symbol of our commitment to each other, our partnership, our family.

We wanted to be married, and we wanted to be married before we had children.

It still has meaning for a lot of people.

FioFio · 04/09/2007 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LucyJones · 04/09/2007 19:55

it also meant alot to both our families - other people's feelings are so easily dismissed these days. even though dh wasn't that fussed he knew his mum would be overjoyed to go to his wedding

kitsandbits · 04/09/2007 19:55

I don't understand why someone lives with someone, possibly has kids with them wouldn't get married!!

My mates mum has been with her partner since they were 18, ... for 20 years!!

They have 2 kids, house thogether, kids have the dads surname.

But theyve neber married,

When I was little I didnt understand why her mum & dad had different surnames, and I still think its odd they never tied the knot!

Blandmum · 04/09/2007 19:56

The marriage was far more impostant to me than they day

VengefulSquirrel · 04/09/2007 19:56

Aww kits...making me well up here!

LucyJones · 04/09/2007 19:57

agree with Fio. It is the most romantic thing someone asking you to marry them. Yes getting a mortgage together is probably a bigger commitment but it's not romantic

VengefulSquirrel · 04/09/2007 19:57

Yuor previous post that is!

harleyd · 04/09/2007 19:57

we decided we would one night when we were drunk. it didnt make any difference to us except that everyone now has the same surname.

kitsandbits · 04/09/2007 20:00

LOL VS!

Every time I go and visit DPs grandparents I get a lump in my throat, they got married at 16 & 19 and his grandad id 78 now!

They sit together and she knits, and he watches football, she makes little dinners and they go for drives and thats how I want to be!!

To me, in some wierd way, they are the epitamy of marriage!

Lasted all those years, are still so happy and in love. Its just wonderful

lulumama · 04/09/2007 20:00

the wedding day is the beginning of married life

there are practical and emotional reasons

see, it fascinates me why people who are together long term and have children together don't get married

there is no downside to being married, whereas cohabitees do not have teh same legal rights

morningpaper · 04/09/2007 20:01

I wanted to get married because every time DP was late home I would think "OH GOD I HOPE HE HASN'T BEEN IN A CAR CRASH BECAUSE I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE FILLING IN FORMS AND PAYING TAXES"

was tres romantic

aloha · 04/09/2007 20:02

It's not 'just a bit of paper' though. It's a legal contract. It is a serious commitment. You can be committed without being married, of course, but there is no getting away from it, it is both a legal and symbolic sign of being a unit.

morningpaper · 04/09/2007 20:03
littlelapin · 04/09/2007 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoraPostrophe · 04/09/2007 20:04

like Aloha says, plus there are a few good legal reasons to be married - automatic parentla responsibility is one (you have to go to court for that, so why not just get married, as I argued to then dp). Also there's inheritance tax - non married partners have to pay it on the other's share of the house if one dies. Not a big issue for most in the UK, but a massive issue if you live in, say, Spain, where the threshold for inheritance tax is a lot lower.

aloha · 04/09/2007 20:05

And agree, a marriage is not 'a day'.

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