But why WOULD you get married? Its just a bit of paper, surely?

[fillyjonk]

Why does a day out in a frou frou frock and a bit of paper mean so much to people?

For me what is important is the
relationship, which is what you work at day to day.

I know there are some legal/financial implications to not getting married, though some of these CAN be overcome, and others are overplayed. But anyway, I am not getting the impression that they are a big deal for most people.

Am curious here, no criticism meant...

MP, I got married in a baptst Church. They would marry anyone as long as it wasn't bigamy

You meet
You fall in love
You marry
You have kids
if you're lucky
You get grandchildren

it's like night follows day for me

That's part of it too though - such an unrealistic fantasy to peddle to girls! It's the Disneyfication of our young female children's expectations!

Yes, marriage is a sacrament. (putting myself in the firing line here but what the heck.)

It's not unrealistic at all for millions of people. It's just life. There is nothing 'Disneyfied' about love.

What's wrong with little girls having fantasies

well, I've don't all but the grandchildren bit.

and I'm no disney gal!

fundamentally it is the the relationship between 2 adults that matters imo marraige does not necessarily make it a stronger/more harmonious union

many people live together unmarried with families,commitment,and lots of love as do married couples

it is the day to day communication/rapport/harmony/hard work/laughter that bind together couples

meringue dress and all the trimmings each to their own - not for me tho

many people have fab weddiings and no fou foru

Aloha, etc: that's not my personal reasons for not being married, I'm just saying that if that is how someone feels, surely it's up to them and their viewpoint is as valid as any other.

Have to say I'm a bit bemused by people who want heterosexual civil partnerships as I can't see the difference either. You can arrange to have nearly all the same legal rights as married people, while remaining unmarried, if you want to, though it's a bit more complicated. However, there are still people who don't want to marry (for whatever reasons) but want their loved ones/children/assets legally protected and should be able to arrange for that.

My ds wants to get married and have children. I hope he does.
He also wants, when he is grown up, to have his own car, 'and come and visit you mummy, and we'll sit and drink wine and watch grown-up DVDs'. I can't wait!

My BIL is considering marrying his gf purely for financial reasons . They are both 21 and starting second degrees and get state funding if they are married, but are considered to be their parents responsibility if they are single.
They take the attitude that if itworks out, thts nice, if not then they can get a divorce.
This really upsets me as I married 2 yrs ago and feel very romantically about it, in very much the way kitsandbits described so eloquently in her 19;51;49 post.
But it is none of my business and a reason to get married, which is the OP question.

Why not?
Why not tie up all your legal issues and simplify your life (even just in terms of kids' names) in one fell swoop? And why not have a nice little moment (or party) to celebrate your past, present and future at the same time?
You know it's just a piece of paper so why not get one?

A good look at me and dh and my girls will see it's no Disney film. But I hope that they will see it is something much more real, and concrete, and of worth.

I don't want my children to have fantasies that revolve around a man coming to lead them into the sunset and the happyeverafter and a deluded rite of passage into adulthood that revolves around a life-long legal promise that only an insane person would commit themselves to and a firework extravaganza of a party where they set fire to what could have been the deposit for a decent mortgage

no thanks

with the probable changes in law wewont all need the piece of paper and we may be left to be in unwedded bliss

was asked this question at weekend by bloke much older than me in his 2nd relationship- he was married with kids & lost everything - been in this relationship for 12 yrs but never getting married

he mentioned big party & ring - these are definitely NOT the reasons to get married

I would like to marry again one day
DOnt care if no-one comes
Dont care if have just wedding ring - my first was very cheap

for me, I believe in marriage - just how I was brought up in christian home - and am getting divorced cos my H had affair.

some people dont want to get married - thats their choice but for me I wouldnt just live together

I rather like the ancient Celtic mode of marriage as a contract of degrees - a year and a day marriage - after which you could then split with no fault assigned if the marriage didn't suit and any of your children would still be considered legitimate, a contracted spouse, etc.

Oh aloha your ds should meet my dd, she wants to buy a sports car and drive me to Prague (why Prague?)and possibly never leave home but get married and still live with me, oh, and drink champagne

and dont need expensive ring cos DS (5) is going to buy me one when hes an astronaut

lol, aloha, our dd1 is going to live here when she gets married and dh and I are moving next door!

that would be good Notanotter

then I can get divorced

Boys aren't taught that their future happiness revolves around romance/love/reproduction. For them, ideas of love are almost always part of a bigger picture - work, creativity, sport, friends, and so on. So many young girls and young women seem fixated on romance, and it's often to the detriment of their intellectual and professional development. I'm not talking about anyone posting on this thread - I have plenty of respect for people who get married. However, I do have several female cousins in South Wales, an area with low employment and ingrained chauvinistic attitudes, for whom snaring a man, having a big wedding and producing babies were the only ways to gain any status in the community. Going to university and getting a degree had nothing like the same cachet.

I also agree with MP that the pushing of marriage as a way to become a proper grown up, or as something pretty much inevitable, is doing young girls no favours. No disrespect at all to those who have happy marriages, but there are still too many people who fall into the trap of thinking that they should marry because all their friends are doing it, or that it will somehow make a partner stay or fix a failing relationship. Having a partner is not, after all, compulsory and being single has a lot to be said for it as well.

I don't have any problem with people not wanting to get married. I have a problem with people wanting the law changed to provide an alternative route to the rights and responsibilities already available through marriage, because they don't like the connotations of the word.

I think the celtic thing is an excellent, sensible idea tbh.

I think marriage should be a temporary contract, renewable yearly or whatever.

Might sound cynical but realistic imo