Husband grieving for OW

[Filly2011]

Anyone had experience of this?
Husband had 14 month affair with woman at work. Told me about it when she finally dumped him in favour of her husband. DH says he wants to keep marriage and willing to work at it. After months of counselling he now admits he is very upset as still loves her and knows he’s lost her. I feel very cut up by this. Can’t stop thinking about it.

He’s in tears now because of his “shit life”

Yes you can my mother has recently got married at 60. You can always move nearer friends and family. You can make new friends.
What’s the alternative spending the rest of your life with a cheating deceitful man who’s in love with someone else.

My goodness, 60s is the perfect age to leave a cheating bastard. No dependent kids, no mortgage, retired or thinking about it ( I assume ), good health.

Lots of your friends will be single or at least free to socialise without family responsibilities.

Get the hell out of there and live your own life woman.

So he thinks the life he has with you is shot basically says it all doesn’t OP

No personal experience but what you say echoes my parents marriage. My mum stayed because she didn’t want to be a divorced woman, and this was 40 years ago. They are now nearly 90, and my mother hates my dad and wishes she had left. My father is an anxious worried mess. They never learnt to talk to each other and both of them have wasted their lives, and are angry and resentful. The way my mum speaks to my dad is really hard to hear and I’ve been hearing it for years.

DJ told turn into my mum. Go. 60 is nothing. Go and flourish. Don’t look back and wish you had done it differently.

He apparently thinks his whole life has been shit. Just badly treated by one person after another. Her dumping him final straw.

My God he’s making this all about him, the poor man. What’s he wanting you to do, stroke his head and whisper ‘there there’?

FFS what a dickhead.

LTB!!!

Nothing about disc jockeys. Don’t turn into my mum.

Fucking Jesus! Well you’re definitely not having a fabulous like now are you? Get rid of him! He’s whining to you about his shit life? What about the life you’ve had ruined through his selfishness?

Of course you can have a fabulous life on your own. Don’t let the fear of the unknown mean you settle for this. With work, and yes of course it will take work, you can have a great social life with friends and feel good about yourself again. X

*fabulous life

Boo fucking hoo. How does he think he’s made you feel FFS.

You can have a fabulous life. Of course great change takes courage. But think about where you want to be in two, five, ten years time. Still wondering if he’s over the one that got away?

You can do this OP - I chucked my lying cheating husband out in my very late 50s. I'm 60 now and it's fine. Like a weight being lifted

God I'd be so gone gone gone.

he is blaming you for the OW dumping his sorry ass. And has stopped you expressing your utterly reasonable pain and upset by saying it upsets him by making him think of what he has lost - you couldn't make this insensitive clod up.

OP, I don't know you but I know you deserve better than this. Confide in someone in real life. Tell your children. Sort yourself out so you can separate. You won't know yourself.

And 60 is nothing. MIL was in her early 60s when FIL died. She was utterly bereft and had devoted the past number of years solely to him - but she still managed to create a full, interesting life without him. 20 years on she has friends, book group, relatives, volunteer work etc.

Come on OP you deserve better.

OP your DH is a pathetic man child.

If he of left you for OW you would have had to start over anyway at least this way it’s on your terms

He sounds like a narcissistic arsehole. Get out now before you waste any more time on him.

Fuck that shit, OP - you're only in your 60's!

Are you seriously going to spend the rest of your life with such a pathetic excuse for a human being?

And as puds said - are you having a fabulous life now? No you aren't. Your self esteem is being treated like target practice by the idiot you are married to. Forget fabulous (although it is possible). How about content, happy, nice, safe, not having to listen to a fucker whinging about his partner in adultery dumping him.

If he isn't good enough for her why is he good enough for you?

Thanks for replies. I feel totally beaten down by this. He’s indsisted in living apart for some of the time until I can stop being angry. I just spend every night watching mindless telly and waiting to go to bed. He was going to come here tomorrow but now he’s too upset.

OP if your kids are grown up what’s stopping you from moving to be with your friends or family?

Please leave him, he sounds awful

Well he's doing well there OP. He had the Affair, gets dumped, gets you to take him back, then tells you he isn't over her, and it's somehow your fault for bringing it up with him from time to time....

It really really isn't your fault. And he really should get to fuck to be quite honest.

You are worth far more than that.

Wanting you to feel sorry for him and blaming everyone else...poor man. So he thinks he'll shit on you eh?
You are the one grieving- grieving for the man you thought you'd married!
Really, tell him to bog off.