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Original poster

I've Ended a relationship nicely and received sarcasm and insults

158 replies

mummytippy · 14/02/2020 10:23

I've been dating a guy about 4 months and through us both having complicated matters involving our own children (him more so than me), it would have been near impossible to become a 'blended family'. About 3 weeks ago I found out that his ex partner had dependency issues on painkillers and this was impacting on the safety and well being of his ds who is 9. I diplomatically told him he needed to focus on this matter and put his ds first... not me or our relationship... I slowed things right down and said best we remain friends. He seemed fine with this and assured me he was doing what he needed to do re: the safety and care of his ds... he agreed neither of us had time at the moment for a relationship, but reminded me he'd booked a table for tonight 'V Day'. I replied let's see nearer the time. Anyway yesterday, I messaged him politely and said along lines of 'Sorry I don't think tomorrow night would be a good idea as we decided to be friends and that I hope he gets things sorted once and for all with his ds'. We also have 2 concerts booked and he bought me a spa break as a Christmas gift which includes an over night stay. It's currently a code to be used to book online. I included in my message that as friends I'd still really like to go to the concerts together and said keep in touch. I didn't mention the Spa break at all. The reply I got left me absolutely gob smacked. He said 'friends???' and then asked if only friends could we be FWB in order that that would let him down gently... that he was right the first time? His side (with his ds) under control... hope I sort my situ with my ds'. My situ is that my ds's dad doesn't not keep in contact and it's when it suits him. There are no safety concerns. I was so taken aback, I replied 'That's not friends... how can you even ask that?' and late last night he replied with 'Well it's your best asset... life is too serious ffs... let's have fun... when are we booking the Spa break?' I am absolutely lost for words and have not replied as yet. One of the concerts booked is my fave band and sold out in minutes. He got the tickets and I paid him at the time (£85) a lot of money to me!!! Tickets are as usual on the re-seller sites and are selling for approx. £200.00 now. I was happy to go with him initially but not now he has been so disrespectful and insulting to me! All I've tried to do is support him with his ds's situ but when it started impacting on my ds and me I've had to end things. This was done very diplomatically over a period of time not just on a whim and he knows this or at least I thought he did. Any ideas please on how to deal with this guy?

OP posts:
Justwondered90901 · 14/02/2020 10:27

You've done the right thing, you dont owe him any further explanation. I'd cut your losses and contact if it were me

sugarbum · 14/02/2020 10:27

Who has the concert tickets?

sugarbum · 14/02/2020 10:28

Because I'd be inclined to say you want no more to do with him

TwentyViginti · 14/02/2020 10:34

So he wants sex thrown in with the friendship - he's not bothered about being friends without a shag.

TwentyViginti · 14/02/2020 10:36

Oh and sex is your best asset.......vile thing to say.

Lifeisabeach09 · 14/02/2020 10:36

I'd say 'no, thanks' to his FWB message and, in terms of his comments regarding your DS, give a breezy 'I'm sure it will turn out fine' response. He is trying to push your buttons!
I'd ask for your ticket and give him the spa break voucher back (after you get the ticket).

Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 10:39

I now don't want to have anymore to do with him.
I'm so upset that he's been so disrespectful :-(
He has the tickets for the first concert. They're not available to print until right near the concert which is 30th May.
I booked the other tickets so I have those, that's beg of July.
And what do you think about the Spa Break?... was going to say give the code to your parents although I have a female friend who needs a treat and she could go with me.

OP posts:
Daenerys77 · 14/02/2020 10:44

I'd say forget the spa break, let the concert tickets go. If you continue to have contact with your ex you are exposing yourself to the risk of further disrespect. Is it worth it?

Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 10:45

@lifesabeach09 That's what I'd like to do. He knows how much I love the band he has the tickets for :-(

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 14/02/2020 10:45

I would just leave the spa break. At least he's shown you where his priorities lie. Between your legs. The spa break would be tainted for me - just save with your friend and go somewhere else nice later.

Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 10:46

@TwentyViginti I know... awful isn't it!!!

OP posts:
everybodyshowlove2020 · 14/02/2020 10:47

Have a look at twickets. They sell at the same cost bought.
I have go many popular sold out tickets on there, plus you can set up an alert.
So start saving for that.

Tell him to fuck off and suck his own dick.
Or something a bit more reasonable Grin

Block him and move on.
When a relationship ends, there is always some lose be it emotionally or financially.

He's pissed off, No Man ever wants a women to be chilled or break things off. They want to do it. And have probably experience it being them usually doing it.

You two are not friends. So move on to what your life needs.

Notcoolmum · 14/02/2020 10:48

Forget the tickets. But book the spa for you and your friend. It was a gift so is yours to do as you want with.

Then block him.

Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 10:49

@TwentyViginti I think you're right on the Spa break... it would be tainted. It's the May concert ticket I'm bothered about the most.

OP posts:
namechange1041 · 14/02/2020 10:51

I wouldn't ask him for the spa day OP. It's just giving him a chance to get back at you by saying no.
I know you want to go on the spa day which would be lovely, BUT, best thing to do is not mention it and pretend you're not even bothered by it.
He wants you to ask him for it, so he can throw a load of bullshit at you again. He's bitter because you've ended the relationship.
Ignore him OP and move on, I wouldn't even be friends with him he sounds temperamental.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 14/02/2020 10:55

It's unfortunate but I'd cut your losses on the ticket. No man is worth this shit.

The only way you're going to that concert (if you can't get other tickets) is by sleeping with him.

I'd see it as a lucky escape.

Poorolddaddypig · 14/02/2020 10:58

I actually think you were quite rude and patronizing to him to be honest - breaking up with him so he can focus on his son is quite an insulting reason to break up with some as presumably if he’s even a half decent dad he knows he needs to focus on his son? And I don’t see why, in light of that, you seemed to take offense when he said he hopes you sort your sons issue out too? Whether you’re either going genuinely concerned or patronizing each other about each other’s parenting - either way he’s said nothing more to you then what you said to him. It seemed like a reasonable comment. You’ve ended it so stop asking him to be ‘friends’ when that’s clearly not what he wants and not really a realistic expectation from an ex short-term romance. It’s a silly idea to plan to go to concerts and spa days with him - you aren’t together. Go with your actual friends. You should both just move on.

Techway · 14/02/2020 11:03

Had your dc met? I would let it all go as not worth the hassle.

Maybe it's me but I think 4 months is way to soon to have planned events for July as you hardly knew him.

marns · 14/02/2020 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 11:21

@marns

In 2014/5 I was put through 2 years of Family Court 'Hell' with my ex over my ds. I have made this decision to end the relationship early on as it was not fair to my ds to potentially put him indirectly in another situation which may lead to this with this guy. Too many traumatic memories. Also I do not have the emotional energy to help someone else sort out their ex/child situ. His situ has been on and off like this for 9 years. I thought it was contact issues when we met but it's turned out it's drug dependency of the mother. Children's Services have been involved with his situ in the past but he doesn't want them involved this time... which is his call... but if I'm honest I don't agree.
Sorry if that sounds selfish but my ds is my priority not someone else's child.

OP posts:
RainbowDash101 · 14/02/2020 11:27

How are you hoping the concert will work out then? Are you expecting to get your ticket and go and have him there with you? Maybe ask him to give you the ticket? I think you can only ask him, but I’m not sure I’d expect him to given his responses so far 😬. Although you have paid him already for the ticket. Maybe offer to buy the second ticket from him and take a friend?

Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 11:28

@techway

With hindsight yes, it was a silly thing to do :-(

Our dc had met a handful of times but they didn't get on as my ds is 13

OP posts:
DiscontinuedModelHusband · 14/02/2020 11:35

while he could have been more sensitive in the aftermath of your decision, it very much sounds like this is something you decided unilaterally, without any input from him.

this is fine, if you'd positioned it as something you felt you needed to do for you and your family (as you're hinting in your later posts), but you didn't. you've put it all on him and his family which seems pretty unfair.

i'd feel a bit insulted to be honest, though i probably wouldn't be pushing for FWB.

i think you're probably better cutting your losses, and if you can make use of any of the concert tickets/spa day, you should do that.

and in future, be honest about why you are ending a relationship - don't put it all on the other person to make yourself feel better.

Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 11:40

@Poorolddaddypig

Tbf you don't know the ins and outs of this very complicated situ.
I wasn't told the whole story by this guy and as things started to happen I was stressing he sort things out and he was very blasé to say the least about things. This did not bode well with me - at all.

Where he is wishing me well with my ds, I'm reading this as passive aggressive comment.

My ds's father hardly sees him and lets him down - lot's.
This guys situ was not straight forward (involving his ex and drugs) and then all I could see was his situ and him were impacting and taking up the precious time I should have with my own ds. I also did not want my ds to feel further neglected by me as well as by his father.

I hope that makes sense as I'm a very caring and tolerant person but felt I had to prioritise after my ds and myself already going through the mill.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 14/02/2020 11:41

Regardless of 4 months, 4 decades, married or not married, anyone can exit a relationship for whatever reason you choose.

You’ve been so good here and he’s being a cock. You owe him nothing

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