I've Ended a relationship nicely and received sarcasm and insults

[mummytippy]

I've been dating a guy about 4 months and through us both having complicated matters involving our own children (him more so than me), it would have been near impossible to become a 'blended family'. About 3 weeks ago I found out that his ex partner had dependency issues on painkillers and this was impacting on the safety and well being of his ds who is 9. I diplomatically told him he needed to focus on this matter and put his ds first... not me or our relationship... I slowed things right down and said best we remain friends. He seemed fine with this and assured me he was doing what he needed to do re: the safety and care of his ds... he agreed neither of us had time at the moment for a relationship, but reminded me he'd booked a table for tonight 'V Day'. I replied let's see nearer the time. Anyway yesterday, I messaged him politely and said along lines of 'Sorry I don't think tomorrow night would be a good idea as we decided to be friends and that I hope he gets things sorted once and for all with his ds'. We also have 2 concerts booked and he bought me a spa break as a Christmas gift which includes an over night stay. It's currently a code to be used to book online. I included in my message that as friends I'd still really like to go to the concerts together and said keep in touch. I didn't mention the Spa break at all. The reply I got left me absolutely gob smacked. He said 'friends???' and then asked if only friends could we be FWB in order that that would let him down gently... that he was right the first time? His side (with his ds) under control... hope I sort my situ with my ds'. My situ is that my ds's dad doesn't not keep in contact and it's when it suits him. There are no safety concerns. I was so taken aback, I replied 'That's not friends... how can you even ask that?' and late last night he replied with 'Well it's your best asset... life is too serious ffs... let's have fun... when are we booking the Spa break?' I am absolutely lost for words and have not replied as yet. One of the concerts booked is my fave band and sold out in minutes. He got the tickets and I paid him at the time (£85) a lot of money to me!!! Tickets are as usual on the re-seller sites and are selling for approx. £200.00 now. I was happy to go with him initially but not now he has been so disrespectful and insulting to me! All I've tried to do is support him with his ds's situ but when it started impacting on my ds and me I've had to end things. This was done very diplomatically over a period of time not just on a whim and he knows this or at least I thought he did. Any ideas please on how to deal with this guy?

You aren't going to get this ticket and you will look weird and obsessive mailing his son. Just let it go. Let it all go.

@Catagory12

Can’t be sold. Small exclusive gigs have this rule sometimes.

Nothing on Twickets for Killers yet.

"He wasn’t honest with me about the issues with his youngest son."

Because you were in a new relationship of just a few months. I'm not sure I'd be sharing intensely private information at that stage either.

"What I can’t see here I why I’m seen to be pestering him and his family?!"

Because you have suggested contacting his son to tell him that his dad isn't behaving well and has left your message unread for 3 days. It's not his argument. He won't be interested. Should he bother to reply, it is highly likely to be in defence of his dad.

"The July concert ticket was £55 and they are named."

No one is going to ask for id on the way into a concert.

"Where he is wishing me well with my ds, I'm reading this as passive aggressive comment."

Maybe he read your best wishes for his son in the same way.

@letmeinthroughyourwindow

I get it. So he’s a great guy and I’m a pest because I’m contemplating asking his grown up son about a concert ticket he has has £85 of my hard earned money for by sending him a brief message. Okay.

So what about the FWB comments he made when all I have been is factual and diplomatic? I’d be the same with the son... not personal no fuss - just factual. My ex probably hasn’t even told him we’ve split up. He’s not told his best friend. I know as I’m friends with his gf.

The killers are playing in Doncaster at a newly announced concert and tickets are not on sale yet. Not sure if that’s an option for you?

Thanks @Aminuts

Yes I’ve heard. I’m in Manchester and my current ticket is for Manchester. Problem I have is I currently don’t have the money to get another ticket tom am plus I know other friends going to the Mcr venue.

"I get it. So he’s a great guy and I’m a pest because I’m contemplating asking his grown up son about a concert ticket he has has £85 of my hard earned money for by sending him a brief message. Okay."

I have no idea if he's a great guy or not. I don't like the FWB comments the way they're presented here but he wouldn't be the first person to suggest it. You're not interested and shut him down, as I would have done.

But your question was 'how should I deal with this guy?' and I think, as do quite a few other pp, that you should just leave it. Failure to do so will result in him having even more power over you as you go to greater lengths to secure the tickets, and nothing but frustration for you as you bang your head against a metaphorical wall.

Any criticism from me has largely been about you planning to contact his son, which I think is out of order.

Think I would just cut my losses op. As much as it sucks. I hope it wasn't a mcr gig by any chance? I'd be gutted too if so lol. But think you're better off avoiding him and leaving his kid out of it anyway tbh. As others have said, cheap in the grand scheme of things to realise he was a twat.

If the ticket isn’t in your name you have no legal grounds to force someone to hand it over. Frankly contacting your exes son to insist he does so sounds a bit weird. I think you just need to move on and accept this relationship and concert weren’t meant to be

As the tickets can’t be sold on, it isn’t yours. Selling a ticket to you on this basis would therefore be an offence. But can you really be bothered with the hassle?

Sounds like the fwb comment was him saving face? Putting on a front?
Still makes it a stupid thing to say.
It is a bit weird to contact his son, he doesn't need to be involved and would make it worse.

@Mummyoflittledragon

The tickets I have are in my name.
The tickets for the Killers he has can be resold.

@Sunflowernet

The FWB comment was plain rude and insulting too.

@Pinkbonbon Thank you 😊 Yes the gig is the Blossoms and Killers at Manchester Cricket Club. Think I’m going to focus on resale tickets via Twickets. 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Ah I see. Then the ticket in his possession is yours. You paid for it.

I dont think most people would be able to just move from being romantically and sexually involved with someone, to being told' we are now friends' and not feel downgraded, rejected and hurt. I think youve been naive about that, and also patronising. Friendship is something that is mutually agreed, and developed in some cases after a relationship breakdown.
If you didnt want to continue the relationship then give a clean break. Hes sent you a few snippy messages since. Just move on. He doesn't want to be your friend. He wanted to be your boyfriend

Dear god please let it go. You sound desperate. You tell him your backing off as his DS needs him. You tell him what he should be doing with his son. You tell him your not going out on valentines and he sends a shitty message. You have now told him what to do with the spa weekend too when you should have said nothing. And now your planning to get in touch with his 23yr old son and ask for the ticket as his dad is ignoring you. Get a grip, are you really expecting his son to give you your money back? He got the tickets for you and your then partner and I have no doubt your x has them. Your x DS hasn't fleeced you!

I know other friends going to the Mcr venue.

Changes from...

This year 4 of my friends tried but out of all of them, only his son was successful.

And what is so insulting about someone who is dumped asking if you want to be a FWB? Loads of people do it, you could just have said no. You act like he dumped you.

Yes @Mummyoflittledragon

@yousawthewholeofthemoon

Sorry but he agreed neither of us had time for a relationship because of our own separate ‘issues’ with our respective children. Because that’s what he said I believed he was okay to do this and be genuinely be friends. I honestly don’t see how I have been naive. I’ve had my heart broken before but would never lower my boundaries to being FWB! Like an earlier poster said... he doesn’t want me as a friend unless he can have sex with me! (my best asset -his words) :-( Not sure how you deem this normal or unacceptable.

@yousawthewholeofthemoon

The other friends I know are going weren’t the friends I knew trying for tickets. I’ve found this out since via FB notifications etc.

@champagneandfromage50

If you read my reply to @Pinkbonbon below you’ll see I’m not going to contact the 23 yo son. I’m going to try Twickets. I’ve set up an alert. Will just have live with being ripped off by him.

@letmeinthroughyourwindow

Thanks for your additional comments.

A few red flags popped up with this guy which indicated he likes to control and he had a freakoid over a family meal he felt he and his younger son should have been invited to... despite not asking me and my son to his son’s birthday meal 2 weeks before (and it wasn’t tit for tat). My dad had just recovered from Pneumonia and it was my folks anniversary. My folks arranged it and he went mad they were ‘excluded’.

I am not going to contact the 23 year old son. I have decided I’ll suck it up and try and get more tickets. I have tbh though it’s very frustrating as he probably won’t tell his son the truth and make me out to be a bad person etc when I’m really not.

OP, as far as bad relationships go, you had a lucky and very cheap escape to many of us. Just cut contact and focus on seriously important matters. And who gives a fuck what His son thinks of you.

Thanks @Grumpelstilskin