I've Ended a relationship nicely and received sarcasm and insults

[mummytippy]

I've been dating a guy about 4 months and through us both having complicated matters involving our own children (him more so than me), it would have been near impossible to become a 'blended family'. About 3 weeks ago I found out that his ex partner had dependency issues on painkillers and this was impacting on the safety and well being of his ds who is 9. I diplomatically told him he needed to focus on this matter and put his ds first... not me or our relationship... I slowed things right down and said best we remain friends. He seemed fine with this and assured me he was doing what he needed to do re: the safety and care of his ds... he agreed neither of us had time at the moment for a relationship, but reminded me he'd booked a table for tonight 'V Day'. I replied let's see nearer the time. Anyway yesterday, I messaged him politely and said along lines of 'Sorry I don't think tomorrow night would be a good idea as we decided to be friends and that I hope he gets things sorted once and for all with his ds'. We also have 2 concerts booked and he bought me a spa break as a Christmas gift which includes an over night stay. It's currently a code to be used to book online. I included in my message that as friends I'd still really like to go to the concerts together and said keep in touch. I didn't mention the Spa break at all. The reply I got left me absolutely gob smacked. He said 'friends???' and then asked if only friends could we be FWB in order that that would let him down gently... that he was right the first time? His side (with his ds) under control... hope I sort my situ with my ds'. My situ is that my ds's dad doesn't not keep in contact and it's when it suits him. There are no safety concerns. I was so taken aback, I replied 'That's not friends... how can you even ask that?' and late last night he replied with 'Well it's your best asset... life is too serious ffs... let's have fun... when are we booking the Spa break?' I am absolutely lost for words and have not replied as yet. One of the concerts booked is my fave band and sold out in minutes. He got the tickets and I paid him at the time (£85) a lot of money to me!!! Tickets are as usual on the re-seller sites and are selling for approx. £200.00 now. I was happy to go with him initially but not now he has been so disrespectful and insulting to me! All I've tried to do is support him with his ds's situ but when it started impacting on my ds and me I've had to end things. This was done very diplomatically over a period of time not just on a whim and he knows this or at least I thought he did. Any ideas please on how to deal with this guy?

I’ve had a message off him saying no worries about the tickets... and not to worry about that... but then questioning why I’m so upset... ‘Seriously though rude? And insulted beyond belief? Why? What did I do?’. Haven’t replied but was just going to ask him to ask his son to forward me the email confirmation from Ticketmaster. Obv I’m not wanting to get drawn into personal stuff.

All sorted then OP.

I am saying this gently because I know it's probably a difficult topic, but... I think it was an error of judgement to involve the kids (children or older) in the dynamics of this relationship so very soon. There was no need for them to meet at this stage or have a plan for his to stay at yours.

He was happy for his ds to 'bunk up' on my sofa and then at his grandparents and then at his house. It was like musical beds for this child.

This at four months in is so sad, all the adults involved should have put him first and realised it was way too soon for anything like this.

I think moving that quickly on the kid front plus booking things so far in advance so early in the relationship could potentially show that you have a tendency (or maybe it was a one off) to get in too deep, too quickly.

We learn from every relationship of course and I think hopefully this one is a warning to not get so involved so quickly again.

Hope you're ok.

Yes @JustForTheTasteOfIt

With hindsight it w not far too quickly on all levels. I’ve never done that before. It was mainly because he had his son a lot - I know now no excuse or reason.

Yes, hopefully it’ll get sorted.

I’m okay thank you. Just focusing on my ds.

*Went

I don't get why you had to end things with him just because of his ds mother's quite common addiction? Couldn't you have helped him through it instead? Isn't that what partners do? Maybe you had other reasons for wanting to end it?

@RuffleCrow they had only known each other for 4 months at that point. Barely boyfriend and girlfriend, let alone partners. Why on earth should the OP take on that emotionally huge project?? It’s not her duty or place to fix someone she barely knows. Women need to stop believing this BS narrative.

Thanks @JingsMahBucket

That was the reason. Anyone who’s read the whole thread will know I’ve had my own ‘battles’ with my ex over my ds so no energy left for someone else’s fight.

You seem more bothered about some gig tickets then him having the temerity to see if you’d still fancy the odd shag.

Look, you are utterly convinced you're right so why bother asking? I think you sound overbearing, self-righteous and rigid, whining on for pages and pages. You were really rude phoning him about V day, you bloody well should report his poor child's situation, and you need to move the fuck on.

@MrsDiseree

There is no need to be rude.
You need to have read the whole thread to understand the situation I was in. It wasn’t my call to get involved with his child and his ex’s issues. He assured me his end is under control (in a post lower down if you’ve read that) so not my battle. Not that it should have been in the first place.

It’s sorted now as long as I get my concert ticket. I’ve learned my lesson and have taken the advice from the majority of pp on here. He finally contacted me and is going to let me have my ticket so I’m happy.

Do.not.contact.his.ds. Exbf is a twat. Let it go. Don't lower yourself to his level. Take the freaking ticket issue on the chin and move on.

I typed and lost a reply which had the word ‘ticket’ in it so often I began to think I was becoming obsessed !
Good luck op. Hope you manage to properly move on about all of this - ticket or no ticket.

It’s Brandon Flowers (Killers front man) I’m obsessed with... That’s why I want my ticket!

Yes - I know.
Good luck op.

OP you need to give yourself a talking to

And why is that @Stophuggingme?

If you’ve nothing nice to say I suggest you don’t.

@mummytippy

There’s more to life than Brandon Flowers and some spa treatments

You need to move on
You have haven’t you?

@stophuggingme

And you just could not stop yourself could you.

#BeKind

Heh 'be kind'. 'You're a shit parent, stick your Christmas present and V day meal (at the last minute) and btw I'm going to hound you for this ticket'.

I'm in team refund the money me.

Good luck though.

Be Kind

Oh please.........
Please don’t hashtag me with something so ephemeral, nonsensical and irrelevant to most normal adult lives. If anything it shows just how insincere and bandwagon jumping so many of you who use this cringeworthy hashtag are.

You just dumped someone because it was all getting a bit too much. Then you've sidestepped the child safeguarding issues the jumping the relationship gun caused however you still want the code for your spa treatment and your gig ticket

That not just unkind it’s all about as deep as a paddling pool

Get over yourself

#upmyownarse

@gamerchick

If you want to interpret it that way it’s up to you but you’re wrong.

@stophuggingme

Nice you obviously have better things in your life than to go out of your way on a post where I was trying to get input on a situation I was genuinely upset about.

It has been resolved and I’ve got the outcome I wanted. I am happy but for some reason you said ’you need to move on’ and ’I need to give myself a good talking to’ Hmmm - no I don’t because it’s sorted!

If you’d been bothered to read my other posts I took the advice I was given. My ex contacted me about the ticket and it was tongue in cheek about Brandon Flowers for gawd sake!

Anyway, I don’t have to justify ending a relationship to anyone or politely cancelling a meal that should not have been booked in the first place.

I’ve had serious personal issues with my own child and getting involved with someone who wasn’t taking similar things seriously when he should have been was not for me. Your child comes first. I just removed myself and my ds from the relationship as my ds comes first. As for the being more bothered about my concert ticket than having sex with someone on a FWB basis - you’re damn right. I have standards. I’m bringing up a 13 yo! and £85 is an awful lot of money to me so no, I’m not up my own arse - just boundaries, standards and ticket I had paid for. There are ways of saying things and whilst I respect you have the right to your opinion and you've voiced it, in this case you are wrong about me.

OP get over it. Including allowing him to hold you at ransom over tickets for a concert.
Nobody's died and it would be worth every penny to me to remove the dickhead out of my life. I'm skint too.
On the positive side of life you could email the organisers and explain you've misplaced your ticket.

Where he is wishing me well with my ds, I'm reading this as passive aggressive comment.

Does it matter? Can’t you take a little tiny stab to your pride? You’ve hurt him. He was clearly very into you to have booked all that stuff way ahead of time after only four months together. Let him have his little PA dig. Who among us hasn’t done similar when we’ve been dumped? Rise above it and don’t turn it into a huge deal. Getting a bit of a hard time is the price we pay for being the dumper.

Ask to buy the second ticket off him for the May gig and sell it on to a friend. Either take your friend on the spa day or give it back to him and let him take someone else.

All this stuff about sorting things out with his son sounds like an excuse for you to extract yourself from a relationship that you weren’t that into anyway. That’s fine of course, but just let it go now. I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to see you as a friend when he wants to be with you.