I've Ended a relationship nicely and received sarcasm and insults

[mummytippy]

I've been dating a guy about 4 months and through us both having complicated matters involving our own children (him more so than me), it would have been near impossible to become a 'blended family'. About 3 weeks ago I found out that his ex partner had dependency issues on painkillers and this was impacting on the safety and well being of his ds who is 9. I diplomatically told him he needed to focus on this matter and put his ds first... not me or our relationship... I slowed things right down and said best we remain friends. He seemed fine with this and assured me he was doing what he needed to do re: the safety and care of his ds... he agreed neither of us had time at the moment for a relationship, but reminded me he'd booked a table for tonight 'V Day'. I replied let's see nearer the time. Anyway yesterday, I messaged him politely and said along lines of 'Sorry I don't think tomorrow night would be a good idea as we decided to be friends and that I hope he gets things sorted once and for all with his ds'. We also have 2 concerts booked and he bought me a spa break as a Christmas gift which includes an over night stay. It's currently a code to be used to book online. I included in my message that as friends I'd still really like to go to the concerts together and said keep in touch. I didn't mention the Spa break at all. The reply I got left me absolutely gob smacked. He said 'friends???' and then asked if only friends could we be FWB in order that that would let him down gently... that he was right the first time? His side (with his ds) under control... hope I sort my situ with my ds'. My situ is that my ds's dad doesn't not keep in contact and it's when it suits him. There are no safety concerns. I was so taken aback, I replied 'That's not friends... how can you even ask that?' and late last night he replied with 'Well it's your best asset... life is too serious ffs... let's have fun... when are we booking the Spa break?' I am absolutely lost for words and have not replied as yet. One of the concerts booked is my fave band and sold out in minutes. He got the tickets and I paid him at the time (£85) a lot of money to me!!! Tickets are as usual on the re-seller sites and are selling for approx. £200.00 now. I was happy to go with him initially but not now he has been so disrespectful and insulting to me! All I've tried to do is support him with his ds's situ but when it started impacting on my ds and me I've had to end things. This was done very diplomatically over a period of time not just on a whim and he knows this or at least I thought he did. Any ideas please on how to deal with this guy?

Thanks @RantyAnty

I am certain he has read the message and is playing games by ignoring me.

The ticket is for The Killers. I missed out on them touring last year as could not getca ticket. This year 4 of my friends tried but out of all of them, only his son was successful.

Yes, I feel like he had a pretty dim view of me with the FWB comments and yes, I get that people are advising I walk away but... I PAID HARD EARNED MONEY FOR MY TICKET :-(

As he has access to tickets for one concert and you have the other, maybe agree to swap and go with others, or if desperate go alone but separately (provided you are not seated).

One of my friends has said to WhatsApp him the msg he ‘hasn’t read’ but I think I’d rather contact the son. He’s 23/24.
Was just going to say we’d sadly split up, I suggested still going to the concerts as friends but he’s not been too nice back to me and so when I’ve then I’ve asked for my ticket the msg has gone unread for 3 days?

Yes booking this concert was a bit previous with hindsight. I’d just like him to do the right thing and I’m also very aware that blood is thicker than water.

@yellowallpaper

Thanks. Both sets of tickets are standing. I’m happy to let him have the July concert ticket that I have access to. I’m happy to go alone to both. I actually know other people going to both concerts so I would have company.

You should have just asked for the ticket straight off the bat.

The problem now is that it looks very much like you didn’t really want to friends, you just wanted to still go to the concert, so the son‘s sympathies may lie firmly with his dad.

I totally disagree with everyone here. If I'd paid £85 for a ticket (unless these people can just afford to throw money away, I know I certainly couldn't afford to lose it) I'd be getting it one way or another! If his son is reasonable message him just advising you want your ticket and no further fuss. Tell them they can have the spa day back and use it for whatever. Make it clear you're not asking... this ticket wasn't a gift, you paid for it! It belongs to you.

Thanks @MummytoCSJH

That’s exactly how I feel!
I have already politely returned the Spa break which was a gift to me and suggested the son I’m thinking of contacting and his gf go in our places.
I’m on a very tight budget and the Killers concert was going to be one of the highlights of my year.

Are you really thinking of messaging his son to say that his dad hasn't been very nice to you, and to complain that your last message remains unread?

You are demonstrating your desperation to attend that concert with every gesture and interaction. If he wants to push your buttons he now knows exactly what to do - ignore you and withhold the ticket.

He booked the first concert, and will keep those tickets.

You booked the second concert, and will keep those tickets.

The spa break was a gift and you could have kept that, or used it to negotiate, but have chosen to give it back.

Surely that's the way any right-thinking person would have expected this to play out? If you wanted it any other way, you should have sorted it three weeks ago.

Time to put this behind you. There's a slim chance he might get in touch about the tickets, but I don't think you can expect it. He also wants to see the band, he successfully got hold of some tickets when no one else could, and probably doesn't want to sit next to you.

Not sure why 'situ' makes my teeth itch!

Thanks @letmeinthroughyourwindow

Yes I’m hoping his son will be a grown up. I’ve paid for my ticket so it is mine. He is being a child playing games and ignoring me. Why should I be expected to just ‘move on’ and act like it doesn’t matter?! He booked the tickets for me... he doesn’t even like the Killers.
I couldn’t use the Spa break... if you read the earlier post by me I rang their customer services. As he had booked and paid for it only he could book it, change it or amend it so I told him to let his son have it.
Is this something that’s gappened to you or us there a code on the street I’m meant to follow because as you can clearly see... I’ve done nothing wrong and just want what is mine!

He sounds like a very petty man and I’m gonna put money on the fact he probably won’t give you your ticket or money back.

So, download the twickets app. I tried for Ed Sheeran tickets back in 2017, sold out within 3 minutes. Managed to get them on twickets 3 weeks before the concert. The mark up is a small admin fee, I paid about £15 more for 2 tickets, don’t buy from stub hub or get me in, ticket touts that infuriate me!

The spa break, just leave, don’t contact his son.
I had a friend who contacted my daughter about an issue we were having and I was bloody furious as it was nothing to do with her. So be the bigger person there and know that the spa break is gone.
The other tickets are a non issue as you have them. Did he pay you for his? In which case your even on the ticket side, if not then sell them to a friend and have a good time!

I get you, I know you want that ticket or your money back, and I’d be seething if I was in that position.
But for your own sanity I’d probs just leave it now. It will work out in the end.
Just thank the higher being you seen his true colours early on in the relationship!!
Much hugs to you.

Just let it go and get over it.

You're not going to the Killers gig unless you buy another ticket.

It's annoying, but such is life. There will be other opportunities.

Thanks@Snowpatrolling

I’m glad you get me and it is very frustrating to be out of pocket.
His son got the tickets for my ex knowing they were for me as I’m the fan. I know what you’re saying about your situ with your daughter but here as his son does physically have the tickets or at least the email confirmation he is involved.

It seems wholly unfair! As you have rightly said, it's your ticket paid for with your money.

Is it worth waiting a few weeks and then broaching the subject again, perhaps in a more blasé manner? He is clearly loving the attention and seems to be making you pay (literally) for not wanting to pursue a r'ship with him. And not jumping for joy at being his FWB

I would focus on the event you'd like to do most; the concert, rather than the Spa, and then concentrate on that.

I'd be angry, too!

"Yes I’m hoping his son will be a grown up."

I am cringing that you are going to contact his son to complain about him. I am sure that he will, by now, have heard his dad's interpretation of events and this will just make you look even nuttier.

"Why should I be expected to just ‘move on’ and act like it doesn’t matter?!"

To maintain your dignity. He has ignored you so that is your answer. He doesn't want to attend the concert with you and will be aware of the value of the ticket. You're more likely to get somewhere if you ask for the money back imo, although, if he paid for his ticket to the second concert, he might see it as a straight swap.

"As he had booked and paid for it only he could book it, change it or amend it so I told him to let his son have it."

Apologies. I missed that.

"Is this something that’s gappened to you."

No. If I break up with someone I get what is mine right then because I know that, once I've gone, I'll never want to contact or attend an event with him again.

I wouldn't be contacting him to state the blindingly obvious 'I won't be going out with you on valentines day' or to lower myself to grovelling for something.

You still have the tickets to the second concert don't you? Just call it quits. Or keep pestering him and his family I guess, up to you.

Yes I’m hoping his son will be a grown up.

I'd be very surprised if his son wanted to get involved in his father's romantic entanglements. Any contact from you would probably merit a 'God, leave me out of it!' response, at best. Or a potentially unpleasant 'Back of, you nutter and stop harassing my dad', depending on what his father has told him.

Just see it as a lesson in not mixing up a very new relationship with an event significantly in the future that really matters to you.

Good luck with sourcing tickets elsewhere.

What I can’t see here I why I’m seen to be pestering him and his family?!

I am not acting in an undignified manner and I’m not going to complain to his son about his ticket. His son has £85 of my money that was transferred to him by my ex. He’s simply got a ticket that I have paid for. I was just going to say I’d not had a reply from his dad. Can he please forward my ticket when it becomes available. How is that undignified when he is prepared to rip me off?!

I think you were pretty patronising when you went back to him about valentines and made comments about ending it for the good of his parenting. I wouldn't like someone saying that to me.

And now suggesting you will involve his son is just plain weird. He's going to think your a bit mad/obsessive.

Let it go. Its just a concert.

I don't think I would give you the ticket either tbh, I would refund you the money at the last possible second though. You waited until the last minute to blow off the meal, threw his Christmas present in his face and went on dodgy ground about his parenting.

Ask for your money back. Don't bang on about the ticket any more.

Life isn't fair. You paid for a ticket that you won't be able to have.
I think that you just need to chalk the whole thing up to experience and move on.

@gamerchick

Thanks for your comments but I actually put up with a lot. I didn’t criticize his parenting skills. He wasn’t honest with me about the issues with his youngest son. All I tried to do was encourage him to sort the situ out the right way instead of ignoring it which he was imo. There was a 9 yo here who’s dad was focusing on me and not him or the situ of his mum being addicted to pain killers.
I explained I wanted to slow things down weeks ago and he came back with he’d booked a valentines meal. I immediately said I’d have to let him know and our messages leading up to Valentine’s Day would have told him I wasn’t going on the night and at no point did he ask me. I believe he knew the writing was on the wall for us before this and that’s why he booked it. He was controlling me.

It’s obvious what kind of person he is wanting to still go on the Spa break with him as FWB!

But I guess I will have to let him win by keeping my mouth shut and having to buy a new ticket.

@Bouledeneige

It’s called the truth hurting I think. He was more bothered about booking a meal out than the welfare of his child. Not a good trait in a man for me I’m afraid.

Can’t you sell the spare ticket you DO have to offset the cost of a new Killers ticket?

And what about his poor younger DS?

@Browncoat

I said what I hoped for his son in my last text to him about the meal and he said it ‘was under control’.

I’m going to take s look at Twickets as the resale costs of Killers are approximately £200 now as opposed to £85 face value.
The July concert ticket was £55 and they are named... ie, I havecto know the person going in with me.

The July concert ticket was £55 and they are named... ie, I havecto know the person going in with me.

Whaaat?