I've Ended a relationship nicely and received sarcasm and insults

[mummytippy]

I've been dating a guy about 4 months and through us both having complicated matters involving our own children (him more so than me), it would have been near impossible to become a 'blended family'. About 3 weeks ago I found out that his ex partner had dependency issues on painkillers and this was impacting on the safety and well being of his ds who is 9. I diplomatically told him he needed to focus on this matter and put his ds first... not me or our relationship... I slowed things right down and said best we remain friends. He seemed fine with this and assured me he was doing what he needed to do re: the safety and care of his ds... he agreed neither of us had time at the moment for a relationship, but reminded me he'd booked a table for tonight 'V Day'. I replied let's see nearer the time. Anyway yesterday, I messaged him politely and said along lines of 'Sorry I don't think tomorrow night would be a good idea as we decided to be friends and that I hope he gets things sorted once and for all with his ds'. We also have 2 concerts booked and he bought me a spa break as a Christmas gift which includes an over night stay. It's currently a code to be used to book online. I included in my message that as friends I'd still really like to go to the concerts together and said keep in touch. I didn't mention the Spa break at all. The reply I got left me absolutely gob smacked. He said 'friends???' and then asked if only friends could we be FWB in order that that would let him down gently... that he was right the first time? His side (with his ds) under control... hope I sort my situ with my ds'. My situ is that my ds's dad doesn't not keep in contact and it's when it suits him. There are no safety concerns. I was so taken aback, I replied 'That's not friends... how can you even ask that?' and late last night he replied with 'Well it's your best asset... life is too serious ffs... let's have fun... when are we booking the Spa break?' I am absolutely lost for words and have not replied as yet. One of the concerts booked is my fave band and sold out in minutes. He got the tickets and I paid him at the time (£85) a lot of money to me!!! Tickets are as usual on the re-seller sites and are selling for approx. £200.00 now. I was happy to go with him initially but not now he has been so disrespectful and insulting to me! All I've tried to do is support him with his ds's situ but when it started impacting on my ds and me I've had to end things. This was done very diplomatically over a period of time not just on a whim and he knows this or at least I thought he did. Any ideas please on how to deal with this guy?

Wanting a fwb situation, is fine, plenty of people do it. Saying that was your best asset or something was not cool, grim.
I’d really not chase the tickets, I wouldn’t be happy at losing money but I’d hate to let a bf of a couple of months dangle that as a Brandon Flowers carrot.
The best advice on here, is to just move on and not introduce your kids so quickly.

We were both being tongue in cheek about Brandon Flowers
You don’t owe me an explanation about your life or your decisions and I am not expecting you to justify or explain your thought process to me. So don’t.

You do what you want.

I just happen to think your behaviour is / was a bit condescending and you appeared more bothered about concert tickets than some other more serious issues surrounding it. As you started this thread I read and commented thus.

End of.
Move on

I think you should just leave it now. I’ve RTFT and I think you’ve been goady and rude with this guy. You don’t seem to realise how your messages come across. Brutal honesty isn’t always necessary you know! You sound a bit selfish/thoughtless but you’re not going to see that or agree to that because you are selfish/thoughtless. Stop chucking insults at the guy and simply message “thanks for the message. No need to keep going over things. Thanks about the ticket. Really want to see them and £85 is a lot to lose so please let me have the email confirmation” just keep it about the ticket

OP, I read the full thread before you try to lecture me too. You come across as passive-aggressive and really condescending. All that drama over tickets when the site is full of women who lost so much and face real danger.

Fuck the tickets. Life's not over yet. Learn from it OP. Can't you see he's controlling you over the stupid tickets?. FFS forget the Killers and concentrate on how to conduct future relationships

"I've ended a relationship nicely"

I mean, is that even possible? No-one likes to be dumped and he is entitled to his feelings.

He absolutely shouldn't be abusive (the "best asset" comment was the low point for me) but you cannot own his feelings. He's allowed to feel pissed off, I'm afraid that's just tough luck and you have to deal with it.

It seems like you want to finish with him (fine) but want a nice neat ending that meets with your requirements, and that he behaves in the way you want him to.

Btw I lost thousands of pounds in solicitors fees etc when my relationship ended. I wouldn't worry about a couple of tickets. Especially as he now says you can have them. You seem far more concerned about them than the relationship ending itself.

You sound a bit selfish/thoughtless but you’re not going to see that or agree to that because you are selfish/thoughtless

Pretty much sums up the OPs posts. That's why everyone is wasting their time I think.

Thanks @mylittleboo

I sent him a reply this morning along the lines of what you’ve said. I didn’t ask about buying his ticket though as thought that might be like rubbing his nose in it.

I’m obviously feeling bad about ending things and understand he was upset but the red flag of him blowing up about my dad excluding him from their anniversary celebrations as well as his lack of focus on safeguarding his child was too much for me. 3 months is not a long time to date someone and yes it was too soon to involve our children. In a way though because they were involved, I learned the truth about his situ as previously he’d lead me to believe he only had contact issues. He’s assured me his ds is safe so I can sleep at night.

I did not side step anything. I went through a family court battle which lasted 2 years and aside from it scarring my son and myself emotionally for life, it almost bankrupted me.

Please be assured I have moved on and if I hear nothing more about my tickets, yes it’s a lesson learned for the future.