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Original poster

I've Ended a relationship nicely and received sarcasm and insults

158 replies

mummytippy · 14/02/2020 10:23

I've been dating a guy about 4 months and through us both having complicated matters involving our own children (him more so than me), it would have been near impossible to become a 'blended family'. About 3 weeks ago I found out that his ex partner had dependency issues on painkillers and this was impacting on the safety and well being of his ds who is 9. I diplomatically told him he needed to focus on this matter and put his ds first... not me or our relationship... I slowed things right down and said best we remain friends. He seemed fine with this and assured me he was doing what he needed to do re: the safety and care of his ds... he agreed neither of us had time at the moment for a relationship, but reminded me he'd booked a table for tonight 'V Day'. I replied let's see nearer the time. Anyway yesterday, I messaged him politely and said along lines of 'Sorry I don't think tomorrow night would be a good idea as we decided to be friends and that I hope he gets things sorted once and for all with his ds'. We also have 2 concerts booked and he bought me a spa break as a Christmas gift which includes an over night stay. It's currently a code to be used to book online. I included in my message that as friends I'd still really like to go to the concerts together and said keep in touch. I didn't mention the Spa break at all. The reply I got left me absolutely gob smacked. He said 'friends???' and then asked if only friends could we be FWB in order that that would let him down gently... that he was right the first time? His side (with his ds) under control... hope I sort my situ with my ds'. My situ is that my ds's dad doesn't not keep in contact and it's when it suits him. There are no safety concerns. I was so taken aback, I replied 'That's not friends... how can you even ask that?' and late last night he replied with 'Well it's your best asset... life is too serious ffs... let's have fun... when are we booking the Spa break?' I am absolutely lost for words and have not replied as yet. One of the concerts booked is my fave band and sold out in minutes. He got the tickets and I paid him at the time (£85) a lot of money to me!!! Tickets are as usual on the re-seller sites and are selling for approx. £200.00 now. I was happy to go with him initially but not now he has been so disrespectful and insulting to me! All I've tried to do is support him with his ds's situ but when it started impacting on my ds and me I've had to end things. This was done very diplomatically over a period of time not just on a whim and he knows this or at least I thought he did. Any ideas please on how to deal with this guy?

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 13:26

precisely @dottiedodah :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 13:27

… on the personal situ I mean @dottiedodah

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 14/02/2020 13:28

He sounds absolutely revolting! And in my opinion you dodged a bullet - he has all the hallmarks of the classic guy that offloads parenting and it’s work to the nearest uterus regardless! Blowing up as you had a family commitment! Get to fuck that man!

Original poster
mummytippy · 14/02/2020 14:32

I think he's mentioned the spa break as he wants to push my buttons and get in to a dispute on purpose so he can turn around and tell me to forget about my ticket.

I'm going to think carefully... so far he can only see I have read his message at lunchtime but I think I might try to sell the Spa break and use the money to towards re-sale tickets... hopefully through Twickets where apparently there's little mark up.

The Spa break is a couple of hours drive away so it would cost me in fuel anyway. What a mess!

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytippy · 18/02/2020 10:29

I’ve been thinking long and hard on what to do... I’ve just telephoned the spa break company to clarify where I stand and my ex would have to make the reservation over the phone. Because he paid for it (currently a coded voucher in a gift box).
I can’t book it unless he contacts them and gives them permission to transfer it to me.

I think all I can do is tell him to let his parents have it or cancel it and ask him to please let me have my concert ticket.

I think this seems fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytippy · 19/02/2020 22:01

So I messaged him yesterday lunchtime and said for his grown up son and gf to use my Christmas gift of the Spa break. I also asked for my concert ticket as I’d paid. He’s not even read the msg but has put a post on FB. I feel like he is playing games here big time. His son actually bought the tickets so am wondering whether to message him. Any further advice most welcome.

OP posts:
Heartburn888 · 19/02/2020 22:32

Go along with it and ask for the ticket email confirmation to ‘keep safe’ once you have them block him

Original poster
mummytippy · 19/02/2020 22:52

@heartburn888

Thanks, I’m thinking he’ll have maybe tipped his son off? Is the email confirmation any good to me... I mean can I get a ticket re-issued from it etc do you know.

OP posts:
Soffy · 20/02/2020 03:29

Jeez. Just move on and stop going on about the tickets. This man is not going to give you the money back. Surely it's better to cut your losses and walk away ?

I also notice you make little mention of the most glaringly obviously important issue in all this ..... the 9 year old being taken care of by a mum who is too 'out of it's to answer the door. Focus your energy on that. This 'man's leaves his son in that situation on a regular basis. How about reporting that instead of banging on about tickets and spas?Angry

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/02/2020 04:44

This is not an honourable man. He leaves his child in the care of his drugged up ex. Forget about the tickets and report the abuse to social services. If you don’t, you are also complicit in the neglect of a child. You broke up a relationship because of it, didn’t you ?

Monty27 · 20/02/2020 05:16

Return all gifts and block him. He sounds awful.

MuscatelGrapes · 20/02/2020 05:19

I agree with some of @DiscontinuedModelHusband’s points. I think telling someone you were ending a four-month relationship in case their teenage son got over-attached to yours, and because you didn’t want your own teenage son to feel neglected, indicates really poor judgement on both your parts — why on earth had you done more than be introduced to one another’s children?

Why so involved so soon that his son was sleeping on the sofa at your house, and your ex was throwing a strop about not being invited to your family meals organised by someone else?

And with a very new relationship, dropping money for events that are months down the line or that involve a shared weekend away is just silly!

But yes, he sounds chaotic and sleazy, and in your shoes I would write off the tickets and spa and stop contacting him.

MuscatelGrapes · 20/02/2020 05:22

And yes, if you think his child is at risk, why wouldn’t you report? You sound as if you believe you’re doing him a favour by not involving Children’s Services, but your relationship status is irrelevant to whether a child is at risk.

YgritteSnow · 20/02/2020 06:09

The Spa break is a couple of hours drive away so it would cost me in fuel anyway. What a mess!

Well it isn't. It is actually very straightforward. It's only a problem because you're desperate for the concert ticket. You must really like this band Hmm

RantyAnty · 20/02/2020 06:16

OP you've done nothing wrong here and acted with kindness.

As for him, he showed himself to be embarrassingly rude. Here you were thinking you were building something with him and he pretty much told you that you were a POA to him.

He hadn't been honest with you about things and it looks like his mask was just beginning to drop when you ended it.

It's hard to say what has really gone on with the ex as he's going to lie to make himself look good. He may have a drug issue that he's managed to keep hidden. You just don't really know.

If he was decent, he'd return the ticket to you since you paid for it.

It's up to you what to do about the tickets. Just know that you made the right decision dumping him.

fartyface · 20/02/2020 06:20

I'm sorry that your relationship ended.

I'm a bit on my own here by saying that I don't think the messages were that bad. You said you were ending it for reasons related to children, which suggests you still like him (or at least doesn't clarify that you don't) so he is just seeing if you can carry on something low key.

I think an "er no thanks" is enough if you don't want to without all this flannel about vile disgusting, disrespectful.

I agree with others that you were a bit daft to plan so far in advance with such a short length relationship. Ithink you should forget the money and move on

KnobJockey · 20/02/2020 06:32

His other son is an adult? Does he know that you've split up, and that you paid for the tickets separately? I wouldn't make a big deal of it, just message him and ask him for a copy of the confirmation email so you can download it nearer to the time. Although thinking about it, you would need his login details too so you're going to have to be in contact in may anyway.

MyOtherProfile · 20/02/2020 07:28

Just focus on enjoying the concert you have tickets for and write off the test, and him. Be happy you're out of it.

Unless the band are old and at risk of piping their clogs you will probably get chance in the future to see them again.

MyOtherProfile · 20/02/2020 07:28

Piping their clogs = popping their clogs obvs!

LunaLula83 · 20/02/2020 07:46

Let him go and write off the concert tickets and spa break and move on with yourself

MachineBee · 20/02/2020 07:48

I’m in the ‘forget about the tickets and spa day’ camp.

Have some personal pride and just cut all contact.

Accept this as a lesson for future relationships and take things a lot slower and buy smaller gifts until the relationship is properly secure.

Joker123 · 20/02/2020 07:55

”Have some personal pride and just cut all contact”

This. You’re losing ground here chasing thy r tickets for this that and the other and now he’s ignoring your message.

Quit now please. Just move on and forget about the silly tickets.

letmeinthroughyourwindow · 20/02/2020 08:01

So you broke it off three weeks ago, and he accepted that and hasn't contacted you since.

Then you chose to contact him to tell him that you wouldn't be joining him for a meal on Valentines Day (I mean, did he really expect you to?), to patronise him about his son, and to tell him that you would be willing to stand his company long enough to attend that concert you're really keen to see?

Your reasons for ending it were understandable, but your latest message would rattle anyone's cage. You are banging on about being friends but it is transparent to anyone, including him, that your friendship will last as long as the concert.

Just leave it now.

PaterPower · 20/02/2020 10:16

I agree with the PPs who’ve said you’re better off forgetting the tickets and that a more cautious approach to this relationship would have saved you a lot of this trouble.
“Marry in haste” and all that.

Brazi103 · 20/02/2020 10:38

Just forget about the tickets and spa. You cant be that desperate for a concert to continue speaking to him?
Just let it go and move on.