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Original poster

Gossip might be clouding me

303 replies

Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 19:12

My DH was the subject of gossip a little while back at work. Him and a woman there accused of having an affair. It's not true but I don't think he's helping himself by still having a relationship with her bar civility. He's above her and doesn't need to interact with her but he'll still drop her name into conversation etc

To me and the RL friend I've discussed it with, out of respect for me and himself he wouldn't have anything to do with her. He doesn't see the issue but it's making me wo der if he doesn't see it because he doesn't want to

OP posts:
cosmicbabe · 12/02/2020 19:14

How do you know it's not true?....

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 19:15

He called me straight away to rant about it and reassure me. I'm certain it's just gossip

OP posts:
ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 12/02/2020 19:17

He could have called you straight away to get his version across before you heard otherwise...

I hate it when people refer to someone being 'above' someone else. Being more senior at work =/= being superior.

Teenytinyratsass · 12/02/2020 19:20

Sounds like he may have been doing some damage control with that phone call.
Also sounds like he has mentionitis.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 19:21

I meant nothing by above other than management and she's not.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 12/02/2020 19:24

He tipped you off about the gossip so that you would believe him.
He mentions her to 'prove that there is nothing going on'.
Any mentions of her being a psycho?

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 19:35

No, he doesn't talk about her at all like that. Just with regards to work, nothing major. I really don't believe that a physical affair is possible as he is always at home or work.

What do you think of my actual question, the wouldn't you stay away if you didn't care in some way?

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 12/02/2020 19:39

Working late? Are you sure he's at work?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 12/02/2020 19:40

In answer to your q - yes, he should be staying away from her if the story he has told is genuine.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 19:40

I didn't say anything at all about working late??

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 12/02/2020 19:46

No, but you can pop out for a shag during the day, if you really want to.
I'm probably being too suspicious, but my thoughts are that your spidey senses are twitching.
Trust your gut feeling.

Saucy99 · 12/02/2020 19:48

This reply has been deleted

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slipperywhensparticus · 12/02/2020 19:49

My dad lost his job shagging in the car park you can have an affair you just try not to get caught

slipperywhensparticus · 12/02/2020 19:49

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hardyloveit · 12/02/2020 19:55

Hang on pps just because he made a phone call doesn't mean he is guilty!!

A disgusting mum at school, told a few people I had cheated on my dh! I phoned him when I heard and was fuming - how dare she try wreck our marriage etc I definitely did not cheat and my husband believes me!

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 20:04

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable thanks for answering my question. Obviously my rl friend will agree with me but wondered what unbiased people would think

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 12/02/2020 20:28

Are there any changes in behaviour that you can think of?
Trips away with work, more care over appearance, having sex less frequently or more often, phone always kept with him or often out of charge/signal...?

I hope for your sake that it is nothing, and it might not be, but if your spidey senses are twitching, be vigilant. Make sure that you are not financially vulnerable.

It is probably nothing but protect yourself just in case.

TorkTorkBam · 12/02/2020 20:32

If it is all entirely false and you believe so then why would he distance himself from her or stop mentioning her?

Now, if it might reasonably be believed to be true, then yes he would be smart to avoid her and avoid any mention of her so he can rise above suspicion.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 20:33

No. I don't think he's an affair.

Does anybody else have an answer for the question I actually asked (I don't mean that in a rude way as you can't tell tone writing!)

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 12/02/2020 20:35

He called me straight away to rant about it

he'll still drop her name into conversation etc

Oh dear, it might not have got as far as a physical affair, but I bet you they’ve been flirting.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 20:35

Now, if it might reasonably be believed to be true, then yes he would be smart to avoid her and avoid any mention of her so he can rise above suspicion.
**

I think its this. We are newly ish married with a child. She's pretty from the picture I've seen and they get on. I obviously don't know first hand how they interact at work but if you knew people thought that or if it were me, I'd avoid to protect myself

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 20:36

@HeddaGarbled why do you say that?

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BarbedBloom · 12/02/2020 20:39

I would think he was having an affair. If they work together it is even easier. It was rife in my work with people shagging in stationary cupboard etc. Angry One OW threatened to tell his wife so he got in there first about the 'gossip' as well.

BUT the answer is whether it is true or not he isn't listening to your distress about it. If he has no need to interact with her then why mention her to you? I am trying not to keep repeating what others are saying, but honestly, it sounds like he is doing it so he has an excuse about being seen with her should any more gossip come up

Bluntness100 · 12/02/2020 20:45

Who exactly accused them op? And in what circumstances?What happened there? Usually things need to go very far indeed before someone does this, and when they do it's for a reason.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 12/02/2020 20:56

Nothing really, he was informed by a fellow manager that people were saying they were having an affair.

OP posts: