Blimey....... youre all talking about trusting instincts but youre all oushing her to look for clues, be suspicious and generally creating an air of mistrust when there isnt one.
OP has stated several times that she doesnt believe its an affair but everyone else here seems so keen to tell her otherwise! Im all for looking out for the sisterhood, but this can be just as damaging. OP seems sensible enough to have considered it and of course, a little gossip can make us all twitchy but serious ladies, we should all be trying to support OP and answer her questions, not cast our own aspersions.
Coming from someone who was recently asked “are you sleeping with X?!” From a friend after someone else asked her, from someone else asking someone else....all because I innocently gave a guy a lift between work sites To save him from getting a taxi when we were both heading in the same direction AND in previous years have found out from friends in other departments that Im sleeping with Z (i never have 😂) I can see how sometimes, THERE IS smoke without fire and stupid rumours happen because certain men and women don't believe you can have friendly or normal relationships with the opposite sex/bosses/colleagues without you wanting to shag each other.
I definitely told my partner about both of those things too. NOT because I'm guilty but just to rant and because at the time, it was a significant event of my day! How much trouble can be stirred up from being a normal human-fluffing-being....christ, we are programmed to make friends after all and spend the majority of our lives at work, no reason why we shouldn't try and make that a good place to be! Obviously, it would be a different story if you found inappropriate texts or someone said they'd actually seen them together!
Sorry you're in this situation OP, I can see how it absolutely would play on your mind and feel a bit off about it. Its not nice, and kind of embarrassing to have people spreading rumours and making such aspersions (work colleagues) about your relationship, makes your hubby look bad and you look like a mug.
I can also see how your hubby doesn't think theres anything wrong with it (id have been shocked to realise either of the wives of the men i was supposed to have slept with either heard the rumour or felt it was inappropriate, purely just cos there was absolutely nothing to it....im just chatty and don't treat people like they're some kind of unapproachable god just because they're my superior!) and its probably refreshing for him to have someone to talk to at work who doesn't get involved in these childish workplace games and politics!
But, its all a matter of compromise at the end of the day if you have told him that you're willing to believe its all just gossip and let it go, could you request that even if he doesn't understand could he just - for the sake of your embarrassment - not pay her as much attention as usual just until it all blows over....which it will do soon :)
Ignore the rumours, these things DO come out of nowhere sometimes..... If it continues then hubby has to address that directly with the rumour spreaders. They'll soon be embarrassed and stop once they know he knows xxx