Dating thread 184! Where we don't take any nonsense !

[bangheadhere40]

The Rules: 1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps click here ** Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I'm not unambiguous she's texted this evening to say she's just not feeling it since everything that's happened last few weeks. Cant say I blame her tbh.
I've said I'll text her properly tomorrow when I'm more awake, but just said I'm not surprised and she needs to do what's right for her. Hopefully we can remain friends but we'll see.

mrdrummer you must have had a horrible few days, I’m so sorry. I agree with others, no sense in staying in touch with her. Friends don’t treat you like that.

ant I would be tempted to say the same to you - draw a line under this and go NC? It’s the best way to heal IME.

unsmbiguous I’ve got my fingers crossed re you going back on Tinder. I hope it throws up a few good ones.

dancer I hope I’m not speaking out of turn but I do worry that you seem to repeat unhealthy patterns re men and being taken for a ride. Would it be better to be consciously single, ie not looking, for a few months to work on your recovery, new interests and just being you?

banghead how did the evening develop for you?

I'm sorry to hear that @Ant330 I thought you might work it out while you were away. I guess the bland replies were her not wantingtosay something and ruin your holiday. I wish I could think of something positive to say to you and @MrDrummer

Re staying friends. I don't know. I'm still friends with mr U and that's got me nowhere. Still pining after 5 months. Still messaging every few days. Not wanting to go back on tinder because he'll see that I'm dating.

The advice on here to delete and go NC is absolutely spot on. I just don't have the balls to do it. I guess it depends on how you feel when you break up.

I'm going to repost this because it got lost yesterday and I need the thread's help to decide what to do

I spent yesterday evening with potential fwb, Mr Young. Wow! I had forgotten what good sex is like. And I almost cancelled because I was having second thoughts.
The only problem is that our diaries rarely coincide, so it's likely to be about 3 weeks before I could see him again.

I've still got 2 other potentials that I've met for a social meet. So now I'm dithering. Do I meet either or both of the other two, knowing that it'll be for sex? Or just enjoy Mr Young as and when we can meet? Do people have more than one fwb?
I've had one before but we only met very occasionally which I found a bit frustrating.

For about a year I had two FWBs echo, one who I saw regularly for two sleepovers a week and one who I saw every 3 months are so for 3-4 days at a time. It was fun but frankly a bit stressful and took up headspace, plus the feels started to creep in for the regular guy. If I had my time again I would pick just one. Headspace is better spent on other things.

I would say meet them and then whittle them down first though @EchoElephant Plus doesn't sound like Mr Young can meet very often.

I didn't realise you met your FWB twice a week @TigerDater. No wonder you got the feels. In my book that would constitute a serious relationship!

And 3-4 days at a time! You are wayyyy more tolerant than me.

@EchoElephant, I think it depends on what you feel you can handle. If fantastic sex every few weeks is enough then great. It is really down to you. If you have only met him once then it's difficult to predict what will happen in the coming weeks. I liken OLD to plate spinning and even when you have met and DTD depending on what you want going forward some plates get more of a spin than others. If you are looking for more than FWB long term then you will know when you have met someone who has that potential for you. Meanwhile just enjoy what feels fun and right for you. If Mr young didn't message again would you feel frustrated that you didn't meet one or both of the others ? I am kind of juggling guys at the moment and it's only happening because not one of them is the ' right ' one. But I am an adult, being safe and not letting it impact on other areas of my life (DDs ) Sometimes it feels great other times not so much. It's really down to what you can handle practically and emotionally

Thanks for the replies
At the moment I would like to see Mr Young again and if possible he would be my only fwb.
But it seems our diaries just don't match up very often.
The other two also have availability issues which is why they just want fwb.
I have arranged to meet one of them next week so I think I'll see what happens then.

At the moment I'm finding it less stressful than dating so I'm just going to enjoy that for a while

Dealing with multiple dates can be exhausting. I used to feel guilty, but met some wonderful guys and some I definitely don’t want to see again. Kind of proving my value list is worth it.

Mr IT - freaked my out on Friday. Wasn’t sure about him but stupidly cooked him tea. He came into my house and automatically locked the door. Asked for a coaster and brought wine. He was driving and lives a bit away. He opened the wine and didn’t drink it when I asked how he was going to get home. This made me feel uneasy, so I unlocked the door and he left quickly after.

Reset my online accounts any chatting to a few guys. However my ex is still on the scene. Mr teacher. I liked him and we clicked. Just distance and few life things got in the way. We have been texting and met up last week. It was comfortable and we never stopped talking. Think it was just a sex thing as nit heard from him since. He left In the morning and gave a kiss saying see you around. He did say when he woke up he had a few things to do, but said he would stick about for a bit. We had breakfast and he left at 12pm.

Should never have met up. It’s made me like him as it was so easy. Ahh!!!!

@TigerDater your not speaking out of turn, I don't feel like I have been in a relationship since the beginning on January as that's the last time I saw Mr S. Recovery from surgery is actually a lot quicker this time apart from the no driving but that's insurance reasons. I have to move my wrist asap or the surgery will fail. I don't see anything wrong with going on a handful of first dates, if they go somewhere they go somewhere if they don't then they don't. I'm not rushing to be in a relationship and I think I'm getting better at being more awear of red flags and actually pulling a man up on them now. If they don't like it then it's their problem not mine.

I am tolerant unambiguous it is a fault of mine I’m afraid! Both FWBs were easy to get on with and good in bed so it wasn’t difficult to be honest.

But I don’t think my model is a good one to follow and tbh I’m not sure i would do it again. It’s a minefield - only one FWB may not be enough sex if there are diary problems, and one or other party is more likely to get the feels. More than one is complicated and takes up headspace. In your position echo I would at least meet the others. You may have to accept that if you want sex but don’t want serious, you have to keep working at spinning those plates. It’s not easy.

Date 2 with Mr Electric tonight. Date 1 on Monday was good, loads of chemistry, messaging daily. I’m going to his house tonight, I really want to Dtd but nervous in case I come across as a slapper, or I’m rubbish! I’m so excited for tonight I feel 14 again, but I’m a 50 year old with body confidence issues!
Any advice from anyone the same kind of age as me, new into the dating world. He’s really lovely, I’ve not fancied anyone like this for a long time. I dtd with Mr Shorty but I wasn’t invested, he was a safe option to get back in the saddle! Now I do sound like a slapper!!
Help me!

@Mylifestartstoday, I think if it feels right for you to DTD tonight then do it. Some of us are always going to wait and need a deeper connection with someone before we take that step, others will not have any concerns about moving quickly. Your excitement is the adrenalin rush of sexual attraction. This might be the start of something special with him, it may not. IMO if things are going to develop or work out long term it won't be based on how quickly or not you have sex. Good luck and enjoy it, whatever you decide.

@EchoElephant. I think it depends how much you personally need the sex. If you know you’ll be getting good sex every 2-3 weeks is that enough. And also if you personally could sleep
With more than one person.

Jane1978xx Friday eve was the first time I've had sex in nearly 3 months. And my last partner, Mr FO, wasn't great in bed. And unwilling to learn.
Before him it had been about 6months of nothing.

I've never been in the position of having the opportunity to sleep with more than one person.
I've always found an excuse to back off from casual sex before but I think was pressure from friends/strict upbringing/trust issues.
But Friday was such a good experience that I'm just going to spin a few plates for a while.

@EchoElephant
Up until late last year I had up to 5 FB/FWB at any one time.
I had a regular who I saw twice a week, a couple I saw once a week and a couple every couple of weeks.

3 of the 5 changed every few months except the one I saw every couple of weeks and the one I saw weekly.

Everyone knew we werent exclusive and everyone was happy as no one wanted or had time for a relationship.

None of them met my needs 100% which is why I had so many.

In September I met a guy from fab who lives 10mins away, we started off as FB and now it's something more but we've not discussed it, over the months we went from weekly, to twice weekly to almost daily.
Currently we meet about 4 - 5 times a week and he is meeting all my needs in every way so I just have the one guy.

I get bored easily and if that happens I would go and get another FB.

Personally i would meet them all and have sex with them all, i want to know how good they are in bed and they get 1 evening to prove it, if its crap I'm not giving second chances.
One of the others might be better than Mr Young....

@EchoElephant you just need to do what’s right for your needs without being too much emotionally or logistically I think. Sorry that’s not much help 😂

@echoelephant I'd say the same as just to what u feel comfortable with. I totally get what u mean about your upbringing stopping u doing things. if everyone is in agreement there shouldn't really be a prob and its no-one elses business but I'm tbe same.

@menora or @jane1978xx cant remember who it is but how do u hide ur POF profile? ex is stalking me on it, I've blocked him but he still knows when I'm online. will this hide it from him if hes maybe favourites me or has a message from me (from before I blocked him)?

Yes my intent is minimal to no contact in short term which may naturally become no contact. I just sent a short text today saying there was no need for her to apologise.

Not caught up but thanks for asking about last night. It improved once we left his group of friends and could actually spend some time together.

We DTD, hormones not kicked in yet, but expecting it shortly 😂

@crazy even if you hide/ block on pof they can still see when online if you have exchanged messages before. I've been blocked before could still go in my sent box and see when said person online.

@crazycatlady20 it’s on the info page about yourself at the bottom I think. Need to be on the App thou

@bangheadhere40 how was the banging 🤣🤣

I haven’t used POF for a long time so I am not sure

So I’ve seen Mr M in his natural habitat.. with friends. Eye opening... not in a bad way necessarily, more that I can see where some of his insecurities may lie. Also the most bizarre friendship group he took me out with. A little outing so I will just say it was very close to home and although they were all very nice it felt a little like I was being slightly paraded around. I could not work out if this is because I am just a new hot woman on his arm or to make a point to ex-wife

@menora that’s not good to feel paraded around. Did you ask him about any of it x